Asking for grandmas ring??? HELP!!!!

posted 3 years ago in Traditions
Post # 16
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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victoria07 :  I loved my grandmas engagment ring, that was my great grandmas before that. I always said even as a kid I wanted that ring. So on my wedding day she passed it down to me as my something old and something blue. We are very close.

I just always said how much I loved it, I love the style and some day I would love to own it. 

So just keep making hints 😊

Post # 17
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

You should absolutley not ask for it.    Tradition would be for her to hand it down to her daughter or son, not her grandaughter.    She clearly did not do that, as she still has it.    You can admire it and even talk about it with your parent but this is your grandmothers decision and she should not feel pressure to give it.   Are you her only grandchild?   Would she have items equally as sentimental/cost to give to each of them.    In our family it is traditional to not leave anything at all to granchildren.   Their parents recieve the  inheritance and if they want to pass anything on to their own children they can.

Post # 18
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

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kmjkh :  Not all families are the same and like it or not some grandkids are closer than others. If shes close theres no reason she cant respectfully ask. 

Post # 19
Member
1558 posts
Bumble bee

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victoria07 :  If you are close and your grandmother is the type to pick up hints, you could tell her in confidence that you and your boyfriend had discussed marriage and he wanted you to let him know what ring styles you liked. Then, ask if she wanted to go look at rings with you and let it come up organically that you really admire the style of her ring and/or would love a ring with history. This gives her the opportunity to offer it to you or your boyfriend, but doesn’t necessarily tie you to the style, since ultimately you can claim it was your boyfriend’s choice. Another option is for your mother or father (which ever is directly related) to inquire on your behalf.

Post # 20
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee

Does she wear it or keep it in a box? I personally don’t think I would ever ask but especially if it’s something she wears.

Post # 21
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

No one is entitled to an inheritance. Asking or worse being manipulative is rude. The person whose stuff it is gets to decide who inherits what (or by law if they neglect to have a will) and unless she asks you if you would like something specific then you shouldn’t say anything.

Just because you like something does not mean you are entitled to it.

Post # 22
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I wouldn’t ask her for the ring.

It’s fine to talk about rings, mention that you’re getting engaged soon, say that you love the family history behind that ring, etc. If your grandmother isn’t completely oblivious, she’ll understand that you’d be happy to receive it—though that doesn’t in any way mean that she’ll actually give it to you. I’m sure she’ll take people’s preferences into consideration, but she’ll ultimately decide for herself what to do with her belongings.

Post # 23
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

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nikkiv1313 :  while I agree not all families are the same.  I disagree that “If shes close theres no reason she cant respectfully ask.”  

Post # 24
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

 

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kmjkh :  I think at the end of the day, only the OP knows what her relationship with her grandmother is like and if its appropriate to ask for this. If she only sees her grandmother at holidays and rarely calls then that’s a no. The OP knows, she just made the mistake of asking strangers on the internet for advice that is very opinion oriented rather than fact oriented.

Post # 25
Member
10504 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Well, if a person wants to ask and knows that it would be OK with the person  , then I don’t see why  not . it’s not saying  grandma  leave me all your money ffs)

I also don’t see what’s so wrong with the word  ‘die’ . These circumlocutions like  ‘when you no longer need it’  etc , idk. But  then we don’t use phrases like ‘passed on’ and   ‘passed away’ in my family ,we are a bit crass like that  . Nobody  of our lot ever had “Just Sleeping” on their headstone.  

Post # 26
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - UK

It depends on the relationship you have with your grandmother. It sounds like you have other women in your family that have not been offered it or are not jet in the position to receive it. You grandmother might not want to be seen to favor one over the other. Something like this can cause a lot of hurt feeling if there is more then one granddaughter. 

 

What you could do is ask your grandmother to see the ring and ask if you can take a picture of it. Tell her how much you like it and you want to give a picture of it to your boyfriend so he knows what you like. Now she can choose to give it to you or him if that is what she want. If not he can have one made just like it and you can start your own tradition knowing its a exact copy of the ring your grandmother had. 

Post # 27
Member
13646 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Admire the ring, and talk about its history, but please do not ask to have it “when she dies.” I don’t care how close the relationship is, that’s both rude and entitled. It also potentially puts the grandmother in a very awkward position if she had someone else in mind, for example her own child. 

If she wants it to go to you, it will.  

Post # 28
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I think people are being too hard on you. You know your relationship with your grandmother best. I was very close to mine and would absolutely bring something like this up with her, we talked about everything including who her rings were going to when they got married (one to me, one to my sister.) If you have that type of relationship I don’t see it as “classless” to ask. You are family.

Post # 29
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
victoria07 :  I’d start the conversation with talking about engagements, hoping for your bf to propose and ring preferences and then just tell her that your dream ring would be the one she has. Maybe she will offer it to him to propose to you with.

Post # 30
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

Defnitely ask her yourself while she is still alive.

My grandma passed away and didn’t care about making a will. So my aunt (her daughter) kept all of the jewelry for herself and gave some to her teen daughter, along with some to her mother in law, who gave some to her own daughter.

I did not get anything which makes me sad that it got passed out of the family.

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