(Closed) ASKING for Huge Ring? Really?

posted 10 years ago in Rings
Post # 167
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@Loribeth: I’m really interested in seeing your ring now…can you send me a link to somewhere you posted it? I’ve looked around but it could take hours 😛

Post # 168
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Once again you’re judging:

“particularly if you’re talking anything a carat and over because, as you found, they’re very expensive.”

So it’s ok to ask for something under a carat? what about people who cant afford a carat? what about people can afford 3 carats? what about people that can aford 2? what about people that cant afford anything right now?

Do you get my point? The word “expensive” is NOT THE SAME for EVERYONE. thats the part you arent getting. You are leaving such a SMALL window- its ok to ask for one carat but not 1.5? You’re just completely in your own world- You’re one carat is another woman’s 5 carat.

“EXPENSIVE” is RELATIVE.

 

Post # 169
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My fiancee proposed to me without a ring.. yea i know.. but i guess he knew he doesnt have a good sense of rings, and he wanted me to go ring shopping with him. it turned out better because we bought a ring I loovee!!!

 

anyway, my fiance was a student at that time so obviously he didnt have much money. He did have a small savings and I told him I could match whatever he had. ( in all honesty I wanted a big ring so thats why i did this..) it worked out for us. I paid for a little more than half of my ring.. is that weird? I really dont mind it though. 

Post # 170
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with the OP that the lady can discuss what features she likes in the ring such as cut and metal choice but she shouldnt dictate the size of the ring. Up until I came on wedding bee I wasnt aware that women gave their men specific instructions on the carat size

Post # 171
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Toot Toot!!…..man, some girls just like to toot their own horn on here…..LOL.  This has turned into “how many carots do you have”.  Predicatable.

Post # 172
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

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@rainbow:  Hey!  My guy says the same thing every time he looks at my ring!  haha!

Post # 175
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I chose and purchased my ring by myself. My boy was on the other side of the US, but knew I was in NYC choosing my ring with the assistance of my Aunt who is a retired diamond broker.

We have been living together for 4 years and our finances are combined. Or rather, I have been working full time to support him for the past 3 years while he got his business off the ground and for the past 12 months it has been a joint effort as he’s finally had some income coming in.

We discussed OUR budget, not his. I couldn’t even get him to talk about what he felt was appropriate. It was pointless as he wanted nothing to do with the process and just kept saying “get something you love”.

It turns out the ring I fell in love with was more than I had really wanted to spend. Was it the ring I really wanted? Yes. Could we comfortably afford it? Yes. So I bought it.

My point is, these days it’s increasingly common that by the time people reach the point of being engaged, they’re often (not always) a little older, have been working for some time, have often (but not always) been living together and have often (but not always) already combined their finances at least partially if not totally.

To judge people because of an assumption that it’s putting pressure on the poor man or that he’s being forced to dip into HIS savings to pay for a ring she wants etc… is a bit of an out-dated theory In My Humble Opinion. I do not know one single friend of mine or family member who has been married in the past say 5 years who hasn’t at least partially combined finances before marriage. Not one.

I totally agree that people shouldn’t be buying a ring or spending money on weddings etc that they CAN’T afford. But who are we to judge what someone can or cannot afford to do? Maybe some of the girls sitting in those jewellery stores asking to see the big expensive rings are actually the ones paying for it either partially or totally? Maybe it’s something THEY have worked/saved for as much as their boy? I’m sure there are fierce and demanding women out there who do just expect a boy to find the cash himself to buy her what she wants… but to assume most women who do that are the same is a bit off base these days I think.

Post # 177
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

To answer the OP’s questions

 Did you let it be known that you had expectations regarding the size of the stone? 

YES. Of course. He asked I told.

 

Do you feel like its even appropriate to discuss?

YES. Of course. He asked I told.

Post # 178
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

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@lisa105:  I’ve just started really reading this thread… 

I’m not sure why it is okay to ask for a specific shape, but it’s not okay to ask for a specific carat. 

Diamonds are rated based on the 4 C’s, and I think it’s important that every couple discuss and be educated on all four….   A 1.5 carat diamond that is an F color and VVS1 clarity is going to be much more expensive than a 1.5 carat diamond that is an H color and SI clarity.

Let me tell you, having worked in the jewelry industry, the men who came into the store looking for an engagement ring who had discussed these things with his fiancee had a much easier time choosing a ring than the men who didn’t have a clue what their intended would like. Almost every time, the man who didn’t know was less confident about his purchase than the man who did.

Additionally, sales people will prey on men who don’t know, because they’re easier to convince to buy something they can’t afford. They want to get something nice and they don’t know what they’re looking for… Sad but true. I’ve seen it happen over and over.  And I’m ashamed to admit, that I did it too, because that was my job.

Personally, I liked it better when a man knew what his fiancee would like, because then I knew he would be more confident and not have second thoughts about what he bought. I never had a ring returned by a customer in that situation. I had lots of rings returned by men who didn’t know, because they just weren’t sure the ring was right or because their fiancee’s wanted something different.

If a woman asks for a 1.5 carat diamond, there are ways to make that diamond more affordable by mixing up the other 3 c’s to get to a price range that is acceptable for the man. Size is not the criteria that makes a difference–it is just one factor in the entire grading process.

Post # 179
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@Loribeth:

love it!!!

Post # 181
Member
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

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@lisa105: There is a difference between ASKING and DEMANDING.

Yes, if a girl demands that her guy gets her a certain carat size and will not except anything else than she has issues and he should run for the hills, but if a girl just says she always wanted a 1ct diamond doesn’t mean she expects her guy to shell out a ton of cash. Heck, maybe she has no idea how much a 1ct diamond costs? Maybe she doesn’t even realize how big one carat really is? Maybe she would rather skimp on the diamond’s color or clarity to get a larger diamond?

I’m with a lot of the PP, you make a lot of assumptions. You should get off your high horse.

When my boyfriend asked me what I wanted I said I wanted a simple, Tiffany-style setting with a 1ct stone. 1) I had no idea how much diamonds cost at the time 2) He wanted my opinion, and he was not offended at all simply because I expressed my desires. After we looked up diamond prices, we mutually agreed to get a smaller stone… then we discovered moissanite and it turns out we could have our cake and eat it too. I wasn’t going to leave him because he didn’t want to spend 10k on a ring and he wasn’t going to leave me just because I like 1ct diamonds.

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