(Closed) ASKING for Huge Ring? Really?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 301
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If he can easily afford it, I don’t really see a problem here, be it 2 carat or 10 carat. I have to say though, I know a girl that wanted her Fiance to get her a 2 carat diamond when he had tons of debt and made less than $60k. He ended up getting her a frozen spit. They divorced 2 yrs later. 



Post # 302
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I really wish we could all have a healthy conversation on this website. The reason I like this website so much is bc of all the support and positive vibe I get from all the bees here. But I’ll also say I really don’t understand why the size matters but I also do see both sides of this argument. In the end, honestly who cares? My friends bf makes good money and got her 2.5ct ring and it’s to die for but I also don’t think she had a say in the size. I just wish some women will stop judging each other regardless of how small or big her rock is. 

Post # 303
622 posts
Busy bee

I read a few of the posts in the beginning, and my first thought about this subject was, why is everyone, every time a subject like this comes up, talking about him spending money on her, his money, etc? When a couple is together, lives together, or intend to do so, intends to spend their lifes together, isn’t it then THEIR money?


I think few would turn down their SO’s proposal just because of the ring not being what she had hoped for. Since I don’t believe there is many women who would get married just to get a ring on their finger. But to wish to have a say in what you willl wear on your hand for the rest of your life sounds totally sane if you ask me, and not at all to much to ask for.


Even if there is a great meaning behind the ring, it’s still just a piece of metal and compressed carbon. It’s OK to tell your SO that you wish it will look a certain way. That has nothing to do with your love for your SO, it’s just about personal taste.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  pess.
Post # 304
139 posts
Blushing bee

pess:  I couldn’t agree more!

Post # 306
4238 posts
Honey bee


What a bumped thread!


FTR, I blew the bell curve when I insisted upon my guy spending less than he wanted; yes, we’re “old-fashioned” and HE was paying for it.

FWIW, I really appreciated pages 12 and 13 in this thread. There’s great information ring shopping there from Loribeth.




Post # 307
1703 posts
Bumble bee

I see it differently than a lot…

While when we are married, everything becomes OURS, but when we are dating, we are financially independent…until we are married, we are still managing our own finances…I think it is appropriate that a MAN proposes and the MAN pays for the ring…

That said, I think unless the man ASKS for input, the ring he proposes with is HIS decision…my fiance and I discussed rings first because he said he wanted to get me something I love because I love the ring, not love it just because he gave it to me…

I appreciated the opportunity and loved giving the input, but I would have been just as thrilled if I got a spontaneous proposal that he did entirely himself…I also felt a little pressure when we were looking because I did have a say…

As far as the SIZE and SPECS (and budget), that was entirely up to my fiance – my input was regarding the shape of the center stone and the setting…my fiance spent time with the jeweler learning about diamonds and he was actually the one that educated me…

Post # 308
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

ct2015:  i agree 100%

Post # 309
622 posts
Busy bee

ct2015:  Well that seems to be working for a lot of couples, and if they are all happy with that I don’t see anything wrong with it at all!

I just think that if a lady is wishing for something special, as in shape, color, size, what stone, what metal, etc, I don’t see anything wrong with her telling him, either way. And if you have separate economics it’s up to him wheather he want’s to make an effort to meet her request or not.

Me and my Boyfriend or Best Friend though shares economy, so in our case, everythis his is mine and everything mine is his, even though not legally ofc. But all the money that comes in to our household (We live together) are both of ours.

He says he want’s to surprise me, so he will buy the engagement ring without me knowing anything about it, it will be a total surprise, but it will be some kind of solitaire stone! And then he want’s me to pick another solitaire stone ring as wedding ring, this more expensive than the one heis going to propose with. (We live in Sweden so we don’t follow the American traditions as you can see) And if I ever want a band to go with it I can get that as a anniversairy gift at some point! (I am not a jewellery person, so two rings at one finger feels so chunky, so this will probably never happen, lol!) The point is that I will wear the wedding ring, that I have chosen myself (together with him, ofc) at most occasions, but when I feel like having a smaller stone I can use the engagement ring. 🙂 I think this is a great compromise in opposite to the tradition when the man decides what ring it will be all on his own. 

Post # 310
447 posts
Helper bee

I can’t imagine demanding anything. But when he asked me what I preferred, I was honest. we tried on several sizes together and agreed that 2 carats was a good size on my hand.

i could never demand anything though. I can’t really judge women who do, it’s none of my business. But I respect my SO enough to discuss, not demand.

Post # 311
19 posts

Theres a big giant difference between asking a man for a ring he can’t afford and one he can.

mine will be 3carats of moissanite but he could buy diamond. I went my way because I love the sparkle and I am out walking around in a couple cities all the time. I don’t want to wear more than could be tearfully replaced in a mugging.  yes, most of my other rings are two or three carat stones. 

I even picked it out and sent  the info.

but jewelry is not his thing and he appreciates  knowing  he’s only going to focus on the proposal not the ring. 

It isn’t about size or asking or what not

It’s about how your relationship is and both of your thoughts on rings and married life together

and he has spent more on me 

aka it’s a big ask but not one that he is uncomfortable with 




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