(Closed) ASKING for Huge Ring? Really?

posted 10 years ago in Rings
Post # 78
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

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@lisa105: I don’t mean any disrespect, but if you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? It just seems that your opinion on this is very staunch and old-fashioned. Again, no offense, I’m just wondering if this is more of a generational thing.

Post # 79
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wanted some say in my ring.  I don’t view it as “buying” a woman’s hand in marriage.  For my Fiance and I, it was an important financial decision, and we do not make important financial decisions without discussing them first.  We’ve been living together, so our finances are sort of interchangeable.

People also have different spending/saving habits.  For example, one of the PP commented that if you make $150K a year a 2K ring would be affordable.  That might be true for some people, but I would never spend that high of a percentage of my income on a ring.

I think there is a problem when a couple are not in sync regarding how much they are comfortable spending. 

Post # 81
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I do not think that asking for something and not receiving it automatically means you will be disappointed. You can WANT something and fully realize it’s not feasible or affordable. I think a lot of women who ask for a certain size or mention what they’d want are probably aware of their SO’s ability to afford something. I mean, if my husband was working in fast food at the time, i wouldn’t say “hey i want a ring that is at leat 1 carat”.

I can want something, not be able to have it, and not get my panties in a bunch over it.

Post # 82
Member
2738 posts
Sugar bee

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@rainbow: I don’t think age has anything to do with this. She could be young or old. I think it’s more of a state of mind 🙂

Post # 83
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@lisa105: Well I guess I got confused because I haven’t seen that scenario anywhere on the Bee.

Post # 84
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

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@lisa105: No, but i believe it’s old-fashioned to think that a woman shouldn’t be “allowed” to bring up carat weight to her soon-to-be fiance, which is exactly what you’ve stated here more than once.

Post # 86
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@LGenz: Wasn’t starting the thread in response to another snarky in of itself? 😉

Honestly, who cares.  WHO CARES.  If you’re appalled by doing something like that – then don’t ask your guy for a certain sized ring. 

People, *gasp* have different relationship dynamics than others.  2 adults may be okay with having that conversation.  And if the dude in the other post was okay with 1.5 carats, and they obviously have been having the discussion, 2 carats isn’t really that far of a reach.

That doesn’t MAKE them ungrateful, weird, snobby, wrong, etc. etc. etc., IT MAKES THEM DIFFERENT FROM YOU AND YOUR Fiance.

I don’t understand this mentality here of having to classify everything about everyone in this cookie-cutter manner of the way things should and shouldn’t be when it comes to a proposal and the frigging ring.

Agree to disagree and move on.

 

Post # 87
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

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@lisa105: Can you give an example of someone who actually does that? Someone who says, “Well, we’re not engaged yet and he hasn’t asked me anything about rings yet, but I’ve already decided that if john doesn’t get me a 4 carat emerald cut ring, then I just don’t think it’ll work out. And I’ve told him so.” I don’t think anyone would argue that that would come off a lil wrong. But honestly, if you have an image in your head of what your “perfect” ring looks like, and that involves knowing what carat size you want, why is that wrong to bring that up to your FI? Again, NOT DEMANDING–just bringing it up so that he has some idea of what you like. Doesn’t mean you’ll end up getting it, but why is it wrong to have a conversation about it?

Post # 88
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

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@bRooklynRocks: I agree that it doesn’t have to be age, but I’ve found that, in general, people with this very traditional mindset about shopping for engagement rings are generally of the older (for lack of a better word) variety.

I’m just wondering if it’s a generational “set in my ways” issue and that’s why the OP fails to see any other side but her own, that’s all!

Again, I don’t mean to offend anybody, I’m just genuinely curious!

Post # 89
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think its totally inappropriate. Yea sure show him what type of ring you like but telling him what size you want, thats his choice based on his budget unless you are willing to contribute to the cost.

Post # 91
Member
5842 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Um writing “Not to offend anyone” does not magically make what you posted not offend anyone. I think posters who start threads when they are totally uninterested in an open discussion are immature and waste everyone’s time. Not to offend anyone.

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