(Closed) ASKING for Huge Ring? Really?

posted 10 years ago in Rings
Post # 107
Member
2629 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

DH asked me what I wanted for my ring, so I told him exactly what my wishes were…he asked. lol  With that in mind though, I only asked for what I knew he could afford.  There was no way in hades I was going to ask for a 1 carat when I knew he could only afford 1/2.  He knows I love my ring and would like a little bit more bling to go with it, so someday down the road when we can afford it, we plan on upgrading the wedding bands.  While I have no issue with a gal telling her guy what she wants if he asks, I do have an issue with a gal demanding something, even though she knows it’s unreasonable or he can’t afford it.  That would be a tad bit brat’ish to me. lol

Post # 108
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My Fiance asked me what my dream e-ring would be…and I told him. It came up in a discussion about the fact that I don’t wear rings of any sort on my hand. I told him that the only rings I would wear would be the e-ring and wedding band so I wanted them to make a statement. Then I laughed and said I didn’t really expect a HUGE ring (which was totally true) but that he asked me what my DREAM ring was.

Fiance ended up designing my set himself to make sure it really ended up being my dream ring. He didn’t go into debt for it and it made him happy to make me happy so I don’t see the issue.

I think the issue is saying “you must give me” with or without being asked vs “I would like” upon being asked.

Post # 110
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think it all depends on your incomes, like a lot of posters are saying (granted, I haven’t read every post on here, bu there’s like 100+ posts!  Comon!)  In my personal opinion, I think it’s foolish to spend 10+K on a piece of jewelry, I don’t care how much money you make.  You can pay for your entire wedding for that price.  Depending on what kind of loan you qualify for, you could make a downpayment on a house for what you’re asking your BF to spend on some jewelry. It’s just crazy. But then again, that’s my personal opinion.  Settings, metals and such don’t significantly affect the price of a ring.  That’s style preferences, not substance.  What significantly determines the cost of a ring is SIZE.  So telling your BF you want a ring that’s going to easily cost over 10K is overstepping some bounds, in my opinion.  Such a huge financial transaction should be up to him (as it’s coming out of his pocket), not you.  Putting him in a position where he could potentially feel inadequate because he doesn’t want to blow an obscene amount of money on a ring (a rational and fiscally responsible attitude) isn’t cool. 

Post # 111
Member
15144 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I disagree, lezlers.  Such a huge fiancial decision with the man you would be marrying is not JUST his money anymore.  It effects you too, his money, your money, its all one boat to me once married. If I just look at the money he had, my ring was a rediculous purchase, but with the money I had too, it wasn’t so rediculous and he was comfortable spending that.  So effectively, it came out of my pocket too.

It absolutely depends on income and financial situation!  To some people spending the 10k is easier to do than for another person to spend even just 1k. I would think it was foolish if we spent X-amount on a ring, then not have any money to buy our house, or go on vacation, or have to sacarafice your other priorities in life, but if it doesnt’t hinder you in any way, why not spend 10k what however much on a ring if thats what you want?  You only live once, spend it on a ring, a house, a car… whatever…

And even if it does hinder you, if that’s your prioirty, and the both of you are ok with it… whats wrong with that?  I’m going on and on, but.. it comes down to, to each their own!!!  If you have the money and want to spend it, if you have it and dont want to spend it, if you dont have it and want to spend it… its no one elses business but your own!

Post # 112
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@pinkshoes:

I generally agree with you, except for the “our” money part.  It’s an engagement ring.  Thus, you’re not married yet, so it is his money.  If you’re going to help pay for it, that’s one thing.  But if you expect him to go out on his own and buy it for you (the tradtional way to go about purchasing an engagement ring) then I’ve got the same opinion.

At the end of the day, though, it’s a total “to each their own” type thing.  I’ll probably always find myself rolling my eyes whenever I see a post that starts with “I told my BF I want a 2 carat ring..”  That’s just me though.  I’m sure a lot of people roll their eyes at stuff I say. 😀

Post # 113
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I never asked, but unrealistically Fiance claimed he would get me a 2 carat diamond…until he learned truly how much they cost.  I told him I was happy with a string..he prided himself in getting me a 1 carat..and that’s what I got. He said had I asked for something fancy..he would have given me a string. =)

Post # 114
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Fiancee knows the size, quality, and price range of the ring I want. So as long as it’s within the price range, he can play around with the size and quality. Personally, I prefer smaller diamond with high quality than big diamond with low quality. I told him the price of the ring my ex proposed to me and the price my guys friend are buying for their fiancee. A few people think I’m materialistic because I want a ring to be at a certain price….<shrug>, I’m fine with that label.

Putting the materialistic aside, I let him know that I do not want him to go into debt or empty his saving for the ring; I can wait a little longer if needed. We both understand that he needs to have a decent saving after he get the ring and pay for the wedding (I pay the other 1/2 of the wedding) so that we can start looking into buying a place and still have money left for rainy day. IMO, there is nothing wrong about being materialistic and financially responsible about it.

Some people marry for love, some people marry for money. I marry for both. Smile

Post # 116
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

He didn’t. In the beginning he said he was going to spend at the low end of the price range I want; however after looking at rings, he spent more than what I want….which was a really surprise.

Post # 118
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@cutexkitty:  dude.  Your attitude is not one to brag about.  I would never in a million years tell my Fiance what my ex spent on a ring for me.  That’s….wow.  At least you’re open about it, though. Can’t say he doesn’t know what he’s getting into…

Post # 119
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We’re both comfortable with the price. If he wasn’t comfortable with that price, I don’t think we would have made it very far. I was open with him from the beginning about being “materialistic”, so if he didn’t consider it as red flag and ran away, then he must be ok with it.

As for would I say no if he gave me something I don’t want? I don’t know, maybe, maybe not? Since it never happened, I can’t answer it with certainty. I know that when my ex gave me the promise ring and I didn’t like it, I gave it back to him and told him to return it and save the money (and no, we didn’t break up over that).

 

Post # 120
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@cutexkitty:  I honest to god hope you’re just posting for a reaction here. 

Post # 121
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’ll Triple Wow that one.

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