(Closed) Asking for money instead of gifts

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

If you mean “proper” in terms of etiquette, sorry but there really is no proper way.

Perhaps if you don’t register anywhere, people will get the hint and give you money instead. That way your mother doesn’t have to say anything she feels is inappropriate When asked, she can just say you’re not registered. But keep in mind that you’ll probably still end up with many gifts, and they’ll probably be things you don’t want or need since the guests didn’t have a registry to go off of.

If you don’t care what people think, then go ahead and flat out ask for money right in the invitations. I’ve seen it done before.

Post # 4
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

There is no real way you can ask for cash. However, not registerring gives people the hint (but you will also get things you hate with no receipt that could be engraved). You can register for just a few things and then gift cards if you would use those for when you get a house. You can do a honeymoon registry to help pay for the honeymoon.

Post # 7
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You don’t “ask” for any kind of gift, money or otherwise.

Post # 8
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I kind of feel the same way.  Sorry.  But I’m a bit old fashioned when it comes to things like this.  To me, it’s almost always inappropriate to ask for money.  It should really be something that a person wants to do from the heart.  Also, with money, it’s easy to determine the value.  $20 is $20, you know?  A person might be embarrassed that all they can give as a monetary gift is $20.00.  However, a person can find an AWESOME gift that is orginally $100 but after shopping around, coupons, or sales, only costs them $20!!!  You see what I mean…?

Post # 9
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Sorry, but I don’t know what you want us to tell you. You can either graciously accept the presents that your guests give you and look “proper,” or you can ask your guests for cash and face the fact that it’s frowned upon.

It’s your choice. You can’t have it both ways.

Post # 11
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Agree with above posters.  Asking for any gift is not proper, and asking for money is considered pretty offensive in most social circles.  My guess is that if your mom is not comfortable speading the word that you want cash, it’s not common in your social circle to give cash.  Don’t register, those comfortable giving cash will, and for those who give you gifts, accept them graciously.  Asking for cash isn’t a guarantee that you will get it – some people aren’t comfortable giving it – period.

Post # 13
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@katieebee: Exactly. People can overcome monetary limits by being extra thoughtful or creative with their gift idea, or putting in the time and effort to make something personal for you. But if it’s hard cash, there will be people who won’t feel too good about the amount they can afford to give.

Post # 14
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2011

dont make a registry. dont have a shower. i am under the impression people expect to give gifts to open at a bridal shower, but cards at a wedding (if you’re lucky they have a gift inside the envelope)

Post # 15
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’d go ahead and register. So that the gifts you do get are ones that you like- after all, you will need to fill that house once it’s ready!

If your mom doesn’t want to spread the word, that’s ok. You probably don’t need her to. I’m sure many of your friends and family know that you are trying to save for a new home, and word will spread on it’s own. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Your mom is right, it is inappropriate. There’s no nice or proper way to ask for money. Most guests (atleast where I’m from) give monetary gifts anyway, so I would just not say anything and hope for lots of envelopes. 

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