Post # 1
So this is more of a venting post but advice is also appriciated.
We have registered for a few items because our friends who have already gotten married have said that some people will want to get us things and we need to have things for them to choose from or they will get us whatever they want. So we made 2 registries with a total of 52 gifts for a wedding where we are inviting about 70 different households 200ish total people. We would much rather have money for our honeymoon if people feel the need to get us gifts. We both lived on our own before we moved in with eachother 2 years ago and really don’t need things, actually we are in the process of getting rid of things. We would also rather travel and have fun experience then have things. A lot of people who are coming to the wedding live in the same town as my parents and I have asked my parents that when people ask what we want to tell them that we would rather have money for the honeymoon if they really want to get us something. My mom won’t let us put a honeymoon fund on our webpage though because she thinks that who thing is shady (that’s a whole other conversation). So she tells me a few days ago that people are complaining that there isn’t enough to choose from on our registry, which I disagree with. In my opinion we still have plenty of gifts lefts at prices ranging from $10 to $200. So I put a few more things on the registry that we really don’t need nor have the space for and people are still getting us whatever they feel like getting us. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful and I know that everyone means well but it’s super aggrevating to see that people are ignoring your wishes are doing whatever they feel like anyway.
So I guess my question would be, is there a polite way to put on our webpage that we really don’t need or want material things and that if people really feel the need to get us something they can give us money so that we can take a nice honeymoon?
Post # 2
There is no polite way to ask for cash and no matter how many things you have on your registry some people will still choose to get you whatever they want. Most people give cash for weddings but some do not like to do so and prefer to gift a physical thing. They are gifts–you don’t get to control them. If you don’t want them return them, donate them, etc. Be gracious. It’s nobody’s responsibility to fund your honeymoon if they don’t wish to do so.
Post # 3
Unless you want to say “We want cash!”, no there is no way to say it. It is tacky, rude and just….no.
Post # 4
another one of my unpopular opinions: I say to hell with your mtoher’s opinion and put whatever you want on your website. IT IS YOUR WEBSITE. Secondly, I can’t imagine anyone not understanding that you’d rather have cash than ending up with 17 toasters and an ugly vase from your neighborhood Homegoods.
If you’re concerned about asking for cash, broaden it to request gift cards, as well. Title it “Honeymoon Fund”—that should ease anyone’s worries that you’re gonna, I dunno, spend the money on drugs or something. I really can’t think of any other reason anyone would be suspicious about you asking for money. Most people *I* know understand that when you’re young and trying to start a life together with someone, $$$$$$ is 1000x more useful than random shit to decorate your new home.
ETA: if anyone is actually pretentious enough to come to your wedding that likely costs thousands of dollars to ENTERTAIN THEM, eat your food, eat your cake, dance inside your venue, drink your liquor, ALL ON YOUR DIME, then bitch about you asking for money for a honeymoon to support the marriage that all the festivities are celebrating in the first place—well, do you really want to be associated with them, anyway??
Post # 5
Sorry bee, but this post makes you sound really ungrateful and entitled. People are not obliged to bring you gifts. If you want a nice honeymoon, save and pay for it yourself.
While you may prefer experiences to things, many people prefer to give a physical give that you can use and enjoy for years or decades to come rather than a fleeting moment of enjoyment (even if you would cherish the memory!).
If people up front ask you want you want, it is within your power to genuinely say, “As we are combining two households we really don’t need any items for our home. It’s so kind of you to ask, but really we’re just looking forward to your presence on the day.” Then either: you won’t get anything (you did say you didn’t want more stuff…) or they will bring a cash gift if they feel comfortable doing so. I would sooner do that than register for things you don’t want or need… and as a PPer said, if you receive something you don’t need say thank you and donate it.
Post # 6
1. You should have just not registered. No one needs to tell anyone cash is awesome. Did someone have to tell you? No. The first time your aunt or uncle stashed a $5 bill in a birthday card and you figured out you could use that $5 bill to buy a shit-ton of candy, you knew that cash was awesome. Everyone else knows it, too.
2. You do realize that 200 people doesn’t equal 200 gifts, right? Each household will get you something, maybe a couple extra. 52 items is a pretty high number for 70 households.
3. A registry is not a binding contract meaning people can only buy from your registry. A registry just gives an idea of needs and style – people are always free to go off registry. But by filling a registry you told people you want stuff. They aren’t going against your wishes because you crapped all over that the minute you created a registry full of stuff you didn’t want And gave everyone mixed signals.
Be thankful and gracious that people are spending their time and money to celebrate your happy occasion. This is a mess of your own making and it isn’t going to kill you to return the stuff you don’t want. For the people who keep asking about your registry, practice saying “Oh, thank you for thinking of us. We really only needed those few things because we have everything else and are just focusing on saving for our honeymoon now.”
Post # 7
There is no polite way to ask people for money.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
People generally default to cash when there are no gift suggestions available. Don’t ask for cash. Everyone knows people like money, your guests aren’t idiots. Just have a smaller registry.
You also can’t control what people get you. A registry is a list of suggested items you’d like, not a list of demands.
Post # 9
What she said. Asking for cash is rude no matter what the occasion. I would seriously review your registry and only keep items that you really want. If anyone asks, it is perfectly acceptable to say that you have your household set up and are currently saving for ____ (whatever it is).
No one needs to be told that a newly married couple would happily accept cash,
Post # 11
Never a polite way to ask for cash. Super tacky.
Post # 12
Do whatever you want, except for a dumb poem.
Post # 13
If people ask your parents what you would like I’d say you have all you need but are saving for X. Note that still doesn’t ask for anything, it’s informational.
Anything else, especially asking for money is tacky.
Etiquette is divided about honeymoon registries. I feel that an exotic vacation, honeymoon or not, is a life style choice and your responsibility alone.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s ever okay to specifically ask people for money but with that said, if someone can’t figure out a gift when you’ve got 52 items for 70 households (not that small of a registry imo) then they need to just grow up and figure it out. I mean it’s really not that hard to find a gift on the registry or even easier – give cash. I think your guests who are complaining about lack of gift options are being a bit ridiculous. Honestly it should be obvious that most people actually do prefer cash.
Post # 15
This is an unpopular opinion on the bee, but I’m guessing it’s maybe cultural differences as I’m from the U.K. I don’t see anything wrong with asking for cash if you’re happy to ask for gifts anyway (I.e. with a registry) literally makes no sense to me that people think making a list of things you’d like people to buy you is not tacky, but saying you’d prefer cash is. Even the royal family ask for cash donations towards charities instead of gifts.
My friends wrote a little piece at the end of their invite saying “Your presence at our wedding is more than enough, however, if you wish to bring a gift we would be grateful for a small donation towards our home renovation fund”. Literally no one thought this was rude and it actually made it easier than having to try and think of something to buy them.