Asking for Money Instead Of Gifts

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 16
Member
13889 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Every person on the planet knows that cash is a good gift and that people like to receive money.  You don’t need to spell it out.

Asking for money is rude.

Post # 17
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee

50 gifts is a lot….I would halve that and when the gifts are all gone people will default to cash. Could you say that you will be having a wishing well? That’s what we did. If you do get anything you don’t need or want you can always sell or donate. I got three sets of burgundy wine glasses which I ended up selling.

Post # 18
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

😫😫😫 why are there so many cash grab questions?!? Same answer every time from every culture. US bees say NO and UK/AUS bees day it’s fine. This topic has like 100 boards on here already and they are all the same. 

Everyone would rather have cash. EVERYOOONNE. Everyone, however, cannot give an amount that they see as valuable so they prefer to go with a sentimental/thoughtful physical gift. You cannot say “your presence is enough” in the same breath as “donation” or “cash”. 

FWIW Darling Husband and I had a little under 100 people, about 45 households and a rather large registry (can’t remember number of items… got gun happy at Crate and Barrel). We got a lot of our physical gifts at the shower (I really didn’t want one but my aunts and Mom wanted to host one). Anyways… we ended up with around 6k in cash from the wedding itself despite a registry. Some people did physical gifts and a few did not bring a gift and it’s all good because people gave what they were comfortable with. We are grateful. 

Post # 19
Member
2264 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
ariesscientist :  I think your friend worded her request in a lovely way! OP, take note! 

Post # 20
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018- Stan Hywet Gardens

Don’t register for physical gifts and rely on word of mouth from you Future Mother-In-Law or parents. There is no polite way to ask for money…don’t do it. Also, expect to receive gifts that you did not register for as some guests don’t like giving cash. 

Post # 21
Member
3035 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

 Don’t make a registry.

Specifically asking for money is rude so no there is no other way to do it.

Post # 22
Member
718 posts
Busy bee

OP, I hear you on the registry vs cash thing. This is really the weirdest most arbitrary social ritual. Gifts are just that, not to be expected or asked for in any form. But for some reason, registries are okay and more socially accepted than funds of any sort.

It’s apparently tacky to just come out and ask for cash, so therefore you dance around it and subtly signal that you don’t want a physical gift so that you will get cash. Some people take the hint and some don’t. And it’s all done with the nicest and noblest of intentions. (But noble intentions aside, my problem with unwanted physical gifts is the sheer amount of clutter and waste they add to the world. Let’s face it, it’s an unsustainable practice. At some point our social norms will have to catch up to that fact.)   

There’s etiquette surrounding asking for gifts (generally speaking, don’t!) and there’s etiquette surrounding giving gifts. Most people instinctively follow both. Since gifts are really just optional goodwill gestures, you have to trust that most people will be thoughtful as to your needs. If you must have a registry, limit it to what you absolutely need. And while I think the registry ask vs cash ask debate is absurd, I also would not count on cash gifts to fund your honeymoon. 

Post # 23
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee

After seeing so many similar threads lately, I’m just so glad I come from a culture where registeries and physical gifts at weddings aren’t a thing and writing “no boxes gifts please” is acceptable 😅 but I can see how that would be considered rude if it’s not the norm in your culture although, I think people that get all butt hurt about people asking for cash instead are being drama queens. In that case, I’d keep the registry small and I’m sure people will get the hint.

Post # 24
Member
718 posts
Busy bee

Agree with PP. I think the reason there are so many threads like this lately is because etiquette hasn’t caught up with practicality. And it ought to.

Social etiquette isn’t static and immutable, and usually evolves with society. Not to mention, this particular ‘cash is tacky’ idea is hardly universal. 

I live in the Bay Area where cultures mix, and when people have stated cash preferences, I’ve happily given cash. Or honeymoon funds. In fact, I’d rather contribute to experiences than material items anyway. 

Post # 26
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

Everyone on this board always says asking for cash is tacky but most weddings I’ve been to have had the honey fund on their wedding website. I never think twice about it or think it’s tacky. I think it’s just the opposite that it’s the couple announcing they may not be able to afford a nice honey moon on their own. I do hate the poems though. 

 

In your situation i would just return the gifts you’re given to the store, hopefully for cash back. 

Post # 27
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee

Asking for cash is tacky. I have owned a home 20 years and at the age that I am trying to downsize extra crap. We literally have over 100 wine glasses. 

I won’t be doing a registry. 

Post # 28
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
sassiestgecko :  oh goodness. I understand your plight. Unfortunately, there is no polite way to ask for money. The only thing you can do is set your registry up with very little to indicate that not much is needed which should be obvious to give money AND let your immediate family know to share that you really need money for this that or the other thing (baby new house, life, etc). 

For some reason, and I’m not saying it’s right, it’s just ‘how things are done’, this works. 

 

Good luck Bee. 

Post # 29
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Again, it seems like I’m the minority here, but I think it’s fine to specify a non-gift preference! I live in NYC so maybe we tend to be more direct? We live in a super tiny apartment and already have more than can fit in there so we included a small note on our website saying something to the effect of “your presence is enough, but if you’d like to give further we’d appreciate the kind of gifts that git on a small piece of paper as we live in 400 square feet.” I assume some people will still give gifts, which we’ll be super grateful for, but hopefully they’ll give us small things so we can actually fit them!

Post # 30
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t have made a registry, it usually gives the hint that you want cash. I wouldn’t want your mom to spread the word that you want money for a honeymoon either. I wouldn’t mind giving cash if there is no registry but idk knowing you want it specifically for a honeymoon kinda rubs me the wrong way. I’d rather not know what it’s for, even though you probably might be spending it on your honeymoon, but I wouldn’t know you used that money specifically for that. Idk if I’m being petty or what lol 

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