(Closed) Asking for money…? Tacky?!?

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 31
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it’s super tacky. I’ve received 2 invites in the last year specifying this and I just don’t get it. If someone gives it to you fine, but actually asking for it? You’re an adult, other people are not responsible for your financial well being. Weddings are expensive, if you expect cash to help pay for it then you probably haven’t saved up enough money to be having one in the first place. The bride and groom should graciously accept whatever their guests are able to give them – without stipulations.

Post # 32
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

According to most etiquette “experts”, to refer to gifts in any way on the invitation itself, whether it’s a physical or monetery gift, is never polite. However, if cash is the couple’s preference, they can let their close friends or family know about it and spread the word to other guests if asked bout it.  If the couple is saving for some large expense (and in need of money) or they do not have the room to store many possesions and/or alrady have all their household goods, they can consider asking that guests do not bring gifts at all.  Some guests find this less offensive than a request for money.  If the couple doesn’t want gifts because they are very particular, they might consider registering for specific gifts they would welcome.  Not all guests enjoy using registries, but it is a currently socially acceptable way for couples to say “I want this.”  It would certainly be preferable, from an etiquette standpoint, to any reqeust for “cash only.”    

Post # 33
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t know. On the one hand, I get that it’s not accepted etiquette to flat out ask for money… but at the same time, I’m not too sure of the logic behind it. A friend of mine who’s getting married this month, when I sent her an email asking if she had any gift preferences, told me they were asking for their honeymoon and that they were also registered at X and Y stores. It’s not like they’re going on a hugely extravagant honeymoon, and they’re both young and not that well-off– and more importantly, I know her well enough that I appreciated her being straight-forward about it.

But at the same time, she didn’t put anything about it on the invitations, so she could handle it on a person-by-person basis. Great-Aunt Susie, who might be hugely offended at being asked for cash? Give her the registry info. Best friend from high school? Mention the honeymoon. I don’t know, I understand how the etiquette is laid out, but I do think it’s a little illogical.

Post # 34
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Asking for money is never appropriate. On the same token, you should never expect money from your guests either.

Post # 35
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

After listening to both sides, it seems like it is best NOT to ask for cash as a wedding gift. I understand why some people would, but based on the fact that there are a significant number of people who would find this “tacky”, “rude”, and “offensive”, I think the best approach would be to do what -female- said and NOT ask for it blatantly, but to do it by word of mouth (with a clear and understandable reason as to why cash is preferred). 

Telling someone in a more personal manner like that would also help people understand why you are asking for cash. There are cases like Silmanarmo‘s where guests should be able to understand why the couple would prefer cash. Also, Meowkers has a point. The most important thing should be to give the couple what they wanted/needed the most, and guests should be happy to get it for them.

Having said that, I know that it can be awkward sometimes for a guest to give cash because, on the one hand, it can be interpreted by some as a person who is “lazy” and “not trying to find a meaningful gift”. Of course, this is also a case-by-case situation, since, on the other hand, some people would find cash as being “more thoughtful” as it is a very practical gift.

Either way, it’s a personal preference thing. Some couples want cash and others do not, but in the end, I think since there are a significant number of people who would be offended by such a bold request, it’s best to not ask for cash, and then if people ask, let them know you’d like cash and explain to them why. That seems like the most “politically correct” manner of going about this.

Post # 36
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

asking for cash is kinda tacky… dont have a shower and ask for cash… if people ask you what you want just say monetary donations would be appreciated.

Post # 37
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I go to cash showers all the time (where the invite soecifically says cash only), I can’t see it phasing me that much to be honest. I would not ask for it (already know my family will give it but thats beside the point), but if another couple did I’d think “Ok better than me playing guess what they want/need”

Post # 38
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think people need to realize that times have changed and the couple after they get married are not going to move in together for the first time and don’t need household items, as they have most likely been living together for a few years and have accumulated that stuff. Moving also comlicates things a lot.

I think in the very near future monetary gifts will not only be totally acceptable to ask for but you’ll be the odd one out if you show up with a toaster.

If you really want to help the couple out why don’t you give them what they will actually need and let’s be honest that is money.

Post # 39
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I NEVER give people cash, EVER because I like to know how my money is being used so yeah, they wouldn’t get money from me… I don’t like when people ask for money

Post # 40
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@kingytobe

You know people will return your gift to get cash with or without reciet, so it’s just a hoop people jump trough to get cash.

I worked in Macy’s and I did not believe how many people came to return their gifts.  I had this one bridezilla come and demand we take this nighty she got at her shower 8 months ago w/ out a recipt becasue it was so ugly, but she couldn’t ask her friend for a reciept.  Yeah, i had to get the manager to deal with that one, but really, this happens all the time.

Post # 41
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t agree with tacky- I think it is the new norm- why is it any less tacky than registering for a 400.00 vacuum?  

eh, I think you can find a happy medium.  I too, didn’t need a ton of stuff, but I was able to find a few things to add to my BB&B registry for the people who really want to go to the store, look at my registry and buy me a gift, wrap it, etc.  

I also think you can get creative- we did a wish registry (www.uponourstar.com) that is much more than a honeymoon registry- we have all kinds of household things, remodeling things, furniture, tools, cabinets! on it- things we need for our house, but don’t really fit on the traditional Macy’s or Target registry. 

So why not go with a little of both- compromise 🙂

Post # 42
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

oops, double 

Post # 43
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I personally wouldnt ask for money (not that I wouldnt mind being given money!) But I wouldnt worry about how others are conducting their wedding either. Life is too short to worry about it.

Post # 44
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i hate that asking for cash is seen as tacky and rude…. and i hate the reasoning behind it “it’s rude because people want to give gifts that you’ll need for your life, not just give you play money”…

but if a couple is having a hard time paying their bills and buying groceries and gas to get to work… HOW is it rude to ask for what you truly need instead of a salad spinner that won’t do you any good at all?

Post # 45
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Truthfully I think registries are just as tacky and rude as asking for cash.  A gift is a gift and in no way should be expected or dictated.  It’s a marketing thing…corps make money off of this idea that people can gun zap everything they want and their guests feel obligated to get it for them.  The gift should be the presence of the guest.  Starting out is rough for everyone but that’s actually the fun part…mixing and matching goodwill dishes and such.  Makes you pretty darn grateful and proud when you can buy your first real dish set.  If someone wants to give you something like a dish set or a wad of cash…great, kind, generous, but never necessary. 

I witnessed one bride who got furious when a the grooms grandmother purchased a cheaper version of a pan set than she had placed on her registry.  She really put herself in a bad light for her future in laws and in taught me first hand the meaning of bridezilla.  How awful to not see how kind it was for the grandmother to buy this gift with very little means.  She was quite proud of her gift and fortunately never knew how grotesque the bride acted.  Greed is such a huge distraction from love!

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