(Closed) Asking for money…? Tacky?!?

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 46
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think asking for cash is perfectly fine. Obviously doing it on the invitation is a bad idea because it seems like bringing a gift is a condition of attending  but putting it on the wedding website is perfectly acceptable. That way if anyones cares to find out what the couple really wants they have a heads up.

I just find it so odd that in an age were most couples live together before marriage and the average age of marriage is in the mid to late 20’s meaning that both parties are probably coming into that union with most of the items to make a comfortable home that they can’t simply have a honeymoon registry or ask for cash.  I assume if you are going to a wedding the couple is either friend or family or you are the date of someone who is close to the bride and groom so if they are that close why begrudge them what they actually want?

Post # 47
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I wouldn’t necessarily ask people for cash, but I’m expecting 95% of my guests to give us a check vs buying something off our registry. In fact, we purposely didn’t over register so that mostly everything will be gone by my bridal shower. Every wedding I’ve been to I buy a gift for the engagement and shower….and $ for the wedding. I just assumed most people know to give money which is why it’s not appropriate to ask for it.

Post # 48
Member
13905 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s terrible to ask.  I get why they want it, but it’s terribly rude.  And by saying “most appropriate,” it insinuates that other gifts are inappropriate.  It’s a whole can of worms, here!

Post # 49
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think the problem with the OP’s friend’s invite was the wording… They could have worded it differently so it won’t come across as tacky as it did?

We will welcome monetary gifts at our wedding, but not be mentioning anything about “gifts” on the invitation. I’ve been told that in the area we’re getting married in, giving money is the norm nowadays, so if you don’t mention anything people tend to give money. I think it’s great.

Also in most Asian weddings (at least Chinese and Japanese), guests give A LOT of money average $300 but they recieve “thank you” gift in return and the receptions are lavish. Personally I think this is extreme but it’s the norm…hmm…

Post # 50
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

We asked for money and here’s why.  I personally don’t see it as tacky and I will be giving to my friend who is getting married next month cash, as she asked.

We live in a rented, furnished house – virtually all rentals here are like that.  Our circumstances are highly unlikely to change in the next five years.  We have lived together for so long we have the majority of what we need as well.  Everybody who knew us knew our situation and asked us what we would like. 

We would love to be able to honeymoon properly, but we have a month off at Christmas and that’s it.  In that time We want to get home to the UK to see my family and friends (2 weeks and it’s never enough), and also we want to see DH’s Family and Friends on the mainland, we may have 4 or 5 days away, somewhere close.  Travel vouchers are no use for us because we never know what is the best deal we’ll find and will the vouchers be eligible for that?  We’re not going to be buying furniture to fill a house so a gift list is pointless. 

People asked us what we wanted so we told them money because we would like to save up for things we need as we come across them (things that are missing from a future house, baby things if we get lucky, a piece of land if we find something in our price range).  Personally, I feel returning gift and registering for wedding lists more rude.  As a poor student I went to a wedding where the cheapest thing on the list was 50 pounds – and that was a saucer – I felt crap buying just a saucer, so I bought the cup as well and it cost me 105 pounds – it did leave me peeved off I’ll be honest.  I would rather have given 50 pounds for them to do as they see fit.

 

Post # 51
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, its tacky. 

But the gift thing is a dilemma.   We living on the opposite side of the country from the wedding.   It will cost us more to ship gifts back to our home, then if we went out and bought them ourselves.   Of course, we don’t really want or need anything, but still, I know people want to give you things.   I wonder if there is a way to ask them to ship them to our home or buy from a chain that will allow us to pick up in our town?

Post # 53
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I just got married and almost my entire side, family and friends, gave gifts off our registry (and many gifts not on any registry) for our wedding – and almost my husband’s entire side gave cash/checks for the wedding. I think it is the culture/family/region you were brought up in that influences your decision on cash vs. gifts. I was raised viewing monetary gifts as impersonal and something that will disappear quickly while the recipient then has nothing to remember the occassion or sentiment by the gift giver. Obviously the circle I grew up in all was raised with that same thinking.

I actually was disappointment that my husband’s side all gave cash. We ended up using it to pay for our honeymoon and all the expenses while there (my husband wanted to do this and since it was from his family I agreed)… So less than 1 month after the wedding, guess what, the money’s gone. The 12 beautiful china settings with platter, creamer, sugar bowl, etc… new plates, mixer, sheets, frames.. on and on from my family and friends will be with us for life and I can look at them and remember how nice it was for them to give us these nice gifts. 

I already regret using the money for the honeymoon – but I guess that’s the compromise of a marriage!

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