(Closed) Asking for money

posted 11 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 18
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, most people, if not all, will want to give you something.  However, etiquette disagrees with putting it on the invite. Gift giving can be serious business for some people, and some people are really old fashioned and don’t like being dictated to on the formal document inviting them to your wedding.  I understand you’re not trying to be rude…I guess I’m just attempting to explain some people’s reasoning.

Post # 19
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh and I think there are honeymoon registries.  I don’t think I’d participate in something like that but I’ve heard positive feedback!

Post # 20
Member
2039 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If this is dumb question excuse me for it- If you sent your registries along with the invites did your invites come with a seperate card for the registries then? I have no idea- we ordered our invitations and there are no extras with it.

It’s not really appropriate to include registry information with the invitations, period. It can go in your bridal shower invitations or on your wedding website, but doesn’t really belong on the invitation at all.

 

Post # 23
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think the advice is getting muddled. I feel like nowadays, most people don’t feel like it’s rude to ask for money (or stand mixers or honeymoons). What’s rude is to include any mention of gifts of any form in the invitation. Even if you have a traditional registry, you don’t include that information in the invitation.

If you want money, that’s fine, but really the only proper ways you can go are wedding website and word of mouth. That said, people do put it on invites, but in my opinion, there’s not really a tasteful way of doing it. I got an invite once with a cutesy poem explaining how the couple already had lots of stuff and would like money. I’m sure they thought it was tasteful, but I was turned off.

Post # 24
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Even if you were to word it nicely, I still don’t think that the invite is the best place for registry info. Word of mouth is the best if most people you are inviting don’t use the internet. I think the honeymoon registry is still different than asking for money because it’s still an actual registry and often guests can buy you things like spa treatments etc so it still feels more like a gift to them, rather than just money. I think people would be okay with someone else letting them know that you guys are saving for a house, but to tell them yourselves through an invitation mightt not come across that well to some of your guests. When you invite people to your birthday you probably don’t say “I hope you can come to my bday party, oh btw I would like ____, thanks!”  so it shouldn’t be different for a wedding. If they ask that’s one thing, but it shouldn’t be part of the invitation to the event, in my opinion. Let your family spread the word and that should be enough 🙂

Post # 26
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’ve read a how-to on making a Google Docs registry for a couple building a house. It might even be from the WeddingBee blog.

I wouldn’t put registry info on an invite or even in the envelope with the invite. (I know the registry enclosures are acceptable in some regions.) Nor would I recommend putting even polite wording on the invite about giving money. Put the tasteful wording on your website if you really want to put it out there to your guests, or just rely on word of mouth.

Post # 27
Member
2148 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@lilperiwinkle….I will chime in and say although etiquette may dictate certain things are appropriate/inappropriate, only you know how your family/guests will react to your request for money in lieu of gifts.

If you don’t think that anyone will be offended, add your request as an insert into your invite. I understand not having a whole lot of family/guests that use the internet b/c my younger sister is in the same boat as you are with our family.

Also, if your guests aren’t really sticklers for etiquette, they won’t even know that including the information with the invite isn’t the “done” thing.

Post # 28
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

IM PUTTING MY REGISTRY CARD IN MY INVITATIONS AND THAT IS A DECISION I TOOK AFTER TALKING TO SO MANY PEOPLE AT WORK. PEOPLE THAT I WILL INVITE TO THE WEDDING. EVERYBODY SAID THAT IT WAS FINE. TIME IS CHANGING AND ETTIQUET SHOULD CHANGE TO. 

YOU SHOULD DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO… THAT MY ADVICE. 

I THINK THE COMMENTS HERE ARE BECOMING TO HARSH… MAYBE WHAT IS INCORRECT FOR SOME IS FINE FOR OTHER SO WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE? 

Post # 29
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

We already own a home, and didn’t need much either, so I created a gift registry at ourwishingwell.com. Basically you can set it up with whatever items you wish for and people put money into it. We did one for our honeymoon, and put activities and stuff on it. When we sent out our Save the Dates I put our wedding website on it, and on our website it has the link to ourwishingwell.com. That’s really the only way you can do it without asking for money. I would think most people will give you money anyways though.

Post # 30
Member
5259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Unfortunately, as others have said- there is no way to be tasteful about asking for money.  I wish it was different.  And, a lot of people just want to give you a gift – feel like they got to make a decision/ or were part of the decision making process of picking one out- so I recommend maybe having a few things on a registry.  I personally would never want to feel like I had to give money, because we are still students- so I also like to give people the option.  Good luck!

Post # 31
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, I would never give a friend a check for a wedding gift. Maybe I’ll give nieces and nephews checks, oh, 20 years from now, but I am absolutely uncomfortable writing people checks as gifts.So, whether or not it was on the invite, you’re going to get stuff you don’t want. But that crap is…gifts.

@ Magenta: I understand what you’re saying, but what about the times has changed, really? Nowadays, it is far easier than it has ever been for a guest to figure out where you are registered without you telling them in the invite. Between wedding websites, a search on wedding channel, the ease of picking up the phone, writing an email, sending a text, I guess I just don’t see the necessity.

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