Post # 1
I know that this is a subject that’s been brought up numerous times on the bee, but based on a recent thread, I had to post. I cannot get over how so many bees are vehemently opposed to and scoff at the idea of a SO getting the parents blessing. Why must someone belittle this act?
My boyfriend will 100% be meeting with my parents to tell them he is proposing. While I don’t know (or really care) what will be said, it is absolutely a respect thing and formality. The way I was raised, you just do it! My parents and I are incredibly close and to think that my future husband wouldn’t involve them in this process is not something I would go for. I’m very traditional and I love the sentiment.
Of course everyone is entitled to do things their way. There’s nothing wrong with not doing this, but there’s also nothing wrong with doing it too! What gets me about the responses related to this topic is the “I’m not property”, “gender roles”, “I’m a grown adult” comments. I’ve never heard anyone speak about this act as if they were buying and selling a person and feel those types of responses are incredibly dramatic and unwarranted.
Sheesh!! Some of y’all take yourselves way too seriously…
Post # 2
I mean, we’ve all pretty much said our peace on the other threads?
I don’t think you want anyone to change your mind on this. Some people want to participate in this tradition just like some people want to do a bouquet/garter toss or being given away at the end of the aisle. Some pick and choose which traditions they’d like to be a part of, and some cannot get over the sexist roots of said traditions. Not wanting to take part and having reasons for not wanting to take part doesn’t mean we take ourselves too seriously (??), the act of asking for parents’ permission (and blessing, in the religious sense) literally stems from buying and selling women. Some people separate themselves from that and that’s cool, that’s what they want to do, and they don’t see it in the same way.
My parents and I are very close. I’m incredibly excited for them to participate in my wedding. To think that my SO would involve them in the process of asking me to marry him makes me extremely uncomfortable. We’re not religious and I’m not all that traditional, and though they themselves err on the slightly more conservative side, they’d find it weird if my SO came to them for their blessing. I wasn’t raised in an area where that’s common, and it never crossed my mind as something I wanted. When I learned about the tradition in my teen years, my immediate reaction was an aversion. I’d like to be the first person (or second) to be proposed to/know of my engagement. To me, the sexist roots still ring true for this tradition (as they do with the bouquet/garter toss and the concept of being given away), whereas I am far more open to changing my last name (though not entirely decided upon it yet) for the sake of our kids.
If you have a good reason for going with this tradition, especially if you were raised around it, by all means. It makes me feel incredibly icky, as I can see is true for some other bees.
Post # 3
I dont have particularly strong feelings about this but what I don’t get is that why the man is the groom showing respect to the bride’s parents. Shouldn’t the bride then show respect to the groom’s parents by asking their blessing before responding?
Post # 4
Threads created with the sole purpose to criticise others choices are prohibited and against the TOS. Whilst debate is encouraged the tone of this post is very negative so I am closing this.