Post # 1
Last year, a friend of mine had a bachelor party that I didn’t know about until I saw a pic that was posted on social media and a lot of our mutual friends were there who were not in the wedding party. I didn’t get an invite, but I was invited to the wedding in which I went to. Even some of the people that were at the wedding mentioned that they were surprised that I wasn’t there when they were telling stories about the trip. We’ve been friends since college and I’m always invited to various trips and he contacts me whenever he’s in my city to grab dinner or drinks. he’s even planning a couples-only trip later this year and said he wanted my fiancé and I to go.
Fast forward, I’m getting married later this year and I had initially thought of asking the groom to be a groomsman in my wedding, but I’ve never asked him about why I wasn’t invited to the bachelor party.
Should I even consider asking him to be a groomsman? It’s a running joke between us friends that he is forgetful. His best man is another friend of mine and I’ve even considered asking him to be a groomsman. I haven’t asked him either about why I wasn’t invited, because I don’t want to act like I was disappointed by it.
Post # 2
In my opinion, if this is a friendship you value then it’s best to just talk about it. Go for drinks, eat some food, talk about what happened. If you can get past that, then ask him to be your groomsman.
Post # 3
Is it possible that he didn’t organise the guest list for the bachelors party?
It is odd that neither of you mentioned it ever again.
Post # 4
If it bothered you, you should have talked to him about it. Bringing it up now might seem petty though — “I wanted you to be a groomsman, but I’m mad that you didn’t invite me to a party a year ago.” You’re either close enough to want him to be a groomsman, or you aren’t.
Post # 5
JiminyCricket : I agree that it would be petty too and almost kind of childish. We got dinner with him and his wife when he was in town a month ago, but I didn’t want to bring it up in front of her and make it awkward. I guess it’s just the principle of it that bothers me.
Post # 6
jones65 : Just talk to him about it. My Fiance has been organizing his bachelor party, and I hear them going over the guest list. I notice my Fiance keeps forgetting about some of his buddies. I keep on chiming in saying “what about John?” or “Wouldn’t you want tTim there?”. He keeps on thinking his friends wouldn’t want to bother for whatever reason. But then he calls them and they chat they are happy at the end.
I would still ask him to be your groomsman. Again, my Fiance didn’t ask like any of his buddies to be groomsmen because he thought that most guys don’t want to be bothered. He almost didn’t ask his own brothers. Meanwhile I know there are a bunch who would love to be his groomsmen. You never know what is actually going on in his head until you ask.
Post # 7
Leave the past in the past. If you consider him a good friend, why not invite him? Wedding parties don’t have to be tit for tat.
Post # 8
It was probably an oversight by the person who organized the party. He can’t go back in time and correct it & there is no need to “clear the air”. You value him as a friend & want him in your wedding party, so ask him.
Post # 9
That’s a really tough one. It’s best to clear the air but at the same time it’s such an awkward conversation and puts both of you in a bad place. Tough…. maybe ask your best mutual friend who did go?
Post # 10
Do not make him or his best man your groomsmen.
Post # 11
I think you need to go out for coffee and get past some of the resentments to move forward and then assess whether you want him or not.
Post # 12
I’m sorry I really don’t see what one has to do with the other?
Weddings aren’t tit for tat, as someone else said. If you want to ask him, ask him, his bach has nothing to do with your wedding IMO.