(Closed) Asking FSIL to be bridesmaid even if you are not close?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you ask your FSIL to be a part of your wedding party even if you were not close?

    Yes, I chose to because it is best to keep the peace and avoid conflict with your future in-laws.

    No, we are not close so why would I ask her to be my bridesmaid?

    Yes, I asked her to be a bridesmaid but only because I was guilted into it.

    Other - explain below

  • Post # 17
    Member
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I am not having any of my SIL future or other as BM’s. Sorry no those spots were and are for my dear friends and niece

    Post # 18
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @BridalBlondie: I am in the same exact situation as you. Future Sister-In-Law got engaged before me, did not ask me to be in her bridal party, She has asked Fiance to be in her Bridal Party. (she already asked me what dress she will be wearing as a bridesmaid even though I have not asked her to be in my Bridal Party.)

    I have decided that I am not making her a Bridesmaid or Best Man unless Fiance insists. I may make her an usher so she has to stand in the back of the church. Yeah I can be a jerk sometimes.

    Post # 19
    Member
    10283 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    No, my Future Sister-In-Law is not in our wedding. This is MY bridal party so the only people who are going to be included are those who I want to include. I love my Future Sister-In-Law but sometimes she’s hard to handle. We butt heads every now and then so I wanted to keep that drama out of my wedding planning.

    She was married a few years ago and I never expected her to ask me to be a bridesmaid nor did she expect me to ask her.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Okay, so I actually didn’t invite my future SIL to be in the bridal party. First of all, I don’t really know her and what I do know, I don’t like! My fiance didn’t ask my brother to be a best man and we both decided that we only wanted to ask the people that we felt very close to. In the end we felt that was the best decision for us. Turns out that it wasn’t an easy one for his family to accept….

    We have been engaged since August and they have brought up this “issue” multiple times. I tried to include the SIL in other wedding day stuff like doing a reading, attending my bachelorette party (a spa retreat for me and my favorite people – maids and not maids alike!) and that was a total bust. She’s snubbed every offer and have been “offended” by my offers. Whatever.

    Bottom line: thank GOD she lives on the WEST COAST and we’re in Virginia!

    Post # 23
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    View original reply
    @BridalBlondie: Are you following me? Our situation is exactly the same, I think you are folowing me hahahaha. Her family talks about her wedding all the time and how it is going to be the “best wedding ever” and how she is going to be the “most beautiful bride ever” She has always been the venter of attention and boy is she taking advantage of it now.

     I feel like she doesn’t care that we are going to be family. What made it even worse is that she is having 9 bridesmaids, only one of them is family. It makes me feel like she doesn’t think I am good enough to be one of NINE!!! She is getting married soon and she has not asked me to do one thing.

    I keep telling myself that by not being in her bridal party I am saving about $1000. (with her $250 Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, her multiple bridal showers and her multiple bachorlette parties)

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    View original reply
    @BridalBlondie: It is really nice to know that I am not the only one going through all this Future Sister-In-Law drama.

    Luckilly I haven’t heard anything about being invited to the bach party. Hopefully I won’t be. If I am I may have a “migraine” that night. I think you should have a “migraine” the night of your FSIL’s bach party. About taking time off of work, I would tell her that you are having an important meeting that day and you can’t get out of work.

    It does hurt a lot being snubbed. I feel like a horrible person saying this but I want everying dealing with my wedding to be better than hers. I want a better dress, I want a better venue, I want better food I want better deals than her. I feel so immature saying this and thinking this way but it makes me feel better.

    Lets just hope and pray that FSIL’s don’t get pregnant before our weddings, I can’t imagine the mess that would make. If Future Sister-In-Law does anything crazy and you need to vent feel free to PM me, I am on here all the time.

    Post # 26
    Member
    2467 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i have 2 sils, both of whom were bridesmaids; i wanted my bro’s wife to be a bm, and my bro to be a groomsmen, so i felt like i had to ask dh’s sil too. she’s nuts though, and can be dramatastic. luckily my moh and other bms were amazing at insulating her from me

    Post # 27
    Member
    287 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i did becuase i felt it was the right thing to do. i had only met her a few times, but they live in CA and i know the family felt very left out of hubs first wedding. plus i was including my sister and my SIL (brother’s wife – who i def butt heads with a lot) and hubs was including my brother as a groomsman. i felt like i couldn’t have my current SIL and then exclude my Future Sister-In-Law. you’re going to be family. plus me and my sister are STILL hurt that my bro/SIL didn’t include us in their wedding. i mean at the end of the day, its no skin off my teeth and it helps everyone feel included and important. why not??

    Post # 30
    Member
    579 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I haven’t read all the responses yet, but here are my thoughts: I did include my Future Sister-In-Law, and we weren’t particularly close at the time, but we’re closer now. We’re in really different places in life. (FI’s brother is 10 years older, so they’ve been married for a while and have a house and children.) We probably wouldn’t be friends if we just met at work or in a class or something. I asked her b/c of family pressure from both sides – my Future Mother-In-Law leaned on me, and then when I complained to my mom she said “You should, it’s the right thing to do.”

    Your Future Sister-In-Law is going to be part of your family for the rest of your life. Your children and her children (if you both have kids) will be cousins. You’re going to be going to family holidays and baptisms and weddings and funerals together. I think it’s worth continuing to reach out… hopefully she’ll get it eventually.

    Post # 31
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    While my Future Sister-In-Law and I do get along, I would not have asked her to be a bridesmaid if it were not for my fiancé.  He asked if I would ask his sister to be a bridesmaid and I said sure, I’ll ask.  No drama.  No regrets.  But if fiancé did not ask, I would have asked a friend instead.   

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