(Closed) Asking FSIL to be bridesmaid even if you are not close?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you ask your FSIL to be a part of your wedding party even if you were not close?
    Yes, I chose to because it is best to keep the peace and avoid conflict with your future in-laws. : (28 votes)
    38 %
    No, we are not close so why would I ask her to be my bridesmaid? : (31 votes)
    42 %
    Yes, I asked her to be a bridesmaid but only because I was guilted into it. : (4 votes)
    5 %
    Other - explain below : (11 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My husband doesn’t have any sisters, so this wasn’t an issue for me. Had I not had anyone else, I probably would have asked one of his brothers’ wives, as I like them both a lot. As it stood, though, I had my two best friends, and my stepsister.

    The latter was the one I chose to keep peace in my family, even though she was one of my biggest stressors. I had other very close friends I would have preferred to ask, including my stepbrother’s estranged wife (but I think my stepmom’s head may have exploded), but it would have led to a lifetime of drama. 

    If nothing else, hopefully your Fiance appreciates the gesture. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1086 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Well, my DH has 3 sisters, and a few SILs. I included one sister and one niece of my DH. I was not included in my DHs brother’s wedding although he was the Bridesmaid or Best Man. This was before we got engaged. I did not include her; if I were to include everyone, it would’ve been a 20 person bridal party ;). Only you know what is right for you. If she is your Bridesmaid or Best Man, then let her be and continue being the bigger person. But, don’t keep trying so hard. Back off and let her try some. There’s not much you can do to befriend her if she isn’t willing. Sorry you’re going through this 🙁

    Post # 34
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I am not close with my Future Sister-In-Law at all, but I did ask her to be a bridesmaid because I felt it was the right thing to do. I also didn’t want any future drama with my in-laws. So far, I don’t regret it all. I am in the same situation as you, I too have tried to befriend my Future Sister-In-Law, but we just don’t click and have completely different personalities.

    Post # 35
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Garden of the Gods

    My SIL’s were a little upset that they weren’t in our wedding party, but they and their husbands played a very important role as our host couples.

    You shouldn’t have anyone that you aren’t very close to in your bridal party. It’s your day, and those girls should be your closest and dearest friends. Obviously if she’s already in your wedding you can’t go back on the request.

    I would never have included anyone in my wedding party just to “keep peace”. They are there to support and make the day special, as well as represent the bride and groom when they are unavailable. I needed people I loved dearly and trusted entirely to be a part of our party.

    Post # 37
    Member
    817 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    There is no drama with my Future Sister-In-Law and we get along just fine, but the main reason we are not close is because she is so much younger than me/us. She’s 19 and although we live in the same town she’s more wrapped up in college life than boring late 20-somethings 🙂

    However I chose to include her in my bridal party…somewhat out of a sense of obligation.

    Post # 38
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    She was my Maid/Matron of Honor because she was the only one who stepped up and helped us with everything even though she didn’t approve of our living situation. She is a major christian and didn’t like that we were living together before getting married and that we already had a child but she was there when my real sisters weren’t. I would have had my husbands SIL as my other brides maid if she hadn’t been our photographer.

    Post # 39
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think in your situation, I wouldn’t ask her to be your bridesmaid.  I asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be part of my bridal party and sometimes have regrets because we’re so different.  Many of things I like she finds corny and we’re not compatible much.  She’ll say stuff like “Oh..that’s cute, it’s not completely corny” and it does hurt my feelings.  I would go with what you’re happy with instead of regretting it later on. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    No.  My Future Sister-In-Law is going to do a reading instead.   She has 5 kids (3 young) and is going to have her have her hands full!

    Post # 41
    Member
    939 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I chose “other” because Fiance is having his sister on his side of the wedding party as a Groomswoman.  We figured since it’s his family she should be on his side. And on my side i’m having a Man of Honor. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    1844 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

      My Fiance has a brother who is eight years older than him. His brother just got married last year, so I have a Future Sister-In-Law by marriage. She is a great person, one of the nicest people you will ever meet. She and I get along well. However, I will not be having her in the bridal party. I had known Future Sister-In-Law for about a year before they got engaged, so we didn’t really have a history. I’ve got five girls that I am hoping will be bridesmaids, Fiance has five guys, and we’re happy with the size.

      I will give Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law a lot of credit. They really went the extra mile to make sure that I felt included, even though I wasn’t in the official “bridal party”. They asked me to play violin in their wedding. They also wanted me in the family pictures (FI and I weren’t engaged yet, but it was fairly common knowledge amongst the immediate family that we were waiting until after their wedding) and I rode on the party bus with the bridal party. This was all at their offering, I didn’t ask for any of it, because it was their day.

    Post # 43
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My Fiance has a twin sister who I’m not super close with but we get along well. I decided to ask her because, she is very important to Fiance.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3048 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    I asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be in my wedding. We’re not extremely close, but we have a good relationship 🙂

    In your case, I wouldn’t ask your Future Sister-In-Law to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because she didn’t include you. I know this can cause more problems… and you CAN include her and be the “big” person. But it doesn’t make sense to add her just to smooth things over. It doesn’t seem like that will help any since she didn’t ask you either. Either way, I’m sure it will be fine. But you may be asking for trouble if she’s an attendant… aka drama drama drama!

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