(Closed) Asking guests for payment for after-party?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should we ask for payment for our after party?

    Don't ask guests for payment and pay for it ourselves

    Delegate someone to figure out totals at the end of the night and collect payment from guests

    Don't have an after party

  • Post # 2
    Member
    1552 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    View original reply
    maymrswinks:  If most of your guest are traveling from out of town, most will be leaving late Sunday night or early Monday. An after party may not be needed. Surely, DO NOT ask your guest to pay for this after party if you do decide on one. Either pay for the whole night and assume most guest will either skip this event or leave early… or chose another location, not a bar, where guest will not have to pay anything just to attend.

    Post # 3
    Member
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I would have no problem paying my own way and going to a random dive bar after a wedding with some other guests, but I wouldn’t want to pay you $75 to go to your after party and I think it’s rude to ask (What if I want to go to hang with my friends, but not drink?). I think you should just go with the every man for himself option. Guests can figure out where they want to go if they want to continue partying, you don’t need to be involved. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    2943 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If I were a guest who came in from out of town for your wedding, I certainly wouldn’t spend another $150 for my DH and I to go to an after party.  Either don’t have the after party, or find someone’s backyard you can party in.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2792 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    View original reply
    maymrswinks:  Yeah, sorry Bee, this does not sound like a good idea. There is no way to be polite about it, especially since you’re “forcing” your guests to pay a set fee. Also, after 3 days of wedding celebrations I bet people will be ready to wind down and head home Sunday evening. If you do want to have an after party I suggest something like hosting drinks and apps in your hotel room. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    8674 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    View original reply
    SithLady:  agreed.  every man for himself (meet up at X bar, people pay for their own drinks as they buy them) or you pay for it… weddings are so expensive to attend, especially if you’re from out of town..

    I’d LOVE to get to spend the rest of the afternoon with the B&G if the reception ends at 4.. but having to pay a fixed price to attend makes it feel like you cut your reception short to avoid having to provide dinner, but then made a second reception and called it an after party to get away with charging your friends.

    I know that’s not your intention, and that you’re already providing a meal so it’s definitely not even the case.. but that’s how I’d read it.. either as a guest or as a third party hearing about it.

    If it was a situation where I could choose how much I ate/drank and thus how much I spent, it’d feel more like.. your wedding is over, but we’re all in town and had to eat anyway, so why not eat together. 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    9436 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Either don’t have the after party or pay for it yourselves.

    Post # 8
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    yep, tacky. don’t have an after party if you can’t afford it. 

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by scully9000.
    Post # 9
    Member
    2163 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

    I would not pay $75 per person for an after party! I would be offended by that. I wouldn’t go. Does the hotel have a bar/seating area? If you found a place without a minimum, the it would be totally fine for people to open their own tabs, but not to pay you $75 each minimum. Keep looking!

    Post # 10
    Member
    3045 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

    Don’t have the after party, pay for it yourselves or bring a bag with some casual clothes you can change into and go to one of the dive bars.

    Personally, after all you have planned stretching out over the whole weekend I’d be ready to go home and certainly would not appreciate being asked a mandatory $75 fee to party further. :p 

    Post # 11
    Member
    5304 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    maymrswinks:  If you ask guests for money for an after party, it will look like it’s a wedding event that you’re asking them to pay for rather than simply a get-together with anyone who hasn’t headed back home yet. IMO this would be akin to asking them to pay for part of the reception, because it will look like an extension of the reception even if that’s not your intention.

    Also, if you think about this selfishly for a moment, if people have this extra cost that they perceive as paying for part of the wedding festivities themselves, they may factor this added cost into your gift and you’ll indirectly end up paying for this yourselves in terms of receiving smaller (or none) monetary gifts. For example, a couple who may have put $200 into a card may cough up the $150 per couple, but gift you with a card and bottle of wine instead. You may be okay with this, just something to consider. 

    I also wouldn’t choose the ‘pay for everyone’ option as it sounds expensive. You’re already hosting events Friday, Saturday & Sunday & an extra $75 pp can run up a pretty steep bill. 

    Could you check with others and get a rough headcount of how many are actually staying after the Sunday brunch? Even the younger party type guests may have jobs and classes to get back to Monday morning, many will not have booked another night’s accommodation for Sunday night. Once you have your numbers you’ll have a better idea how many are actually hanging around and it might be a do-able number to suggest a casual meet up afterward (if there are no suitable bars, maybe a restaurant or even @ home if the numbers are small enough)

    Post # 12
    Member
    1705 posts
    Bumble bee

    Just change into a more casual dress and meet-up at a dive bar with whoever wants to come. You will definitely not have the full 70 people there.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

    I wouldn’t ask guests to pay! Maybe don’t have one? 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1409 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    maymrswinks:  Maybe go to Spec’s beforehand and stock up on drinks, and then have the guests who want to keep partying head over to someone’s house/backyard?  

    Post # 15
    Member
    2009 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    im sorry but there is no such thing as an after-party, thats just an evening reception and thats your job to pay for… never ask your guests for money EVER

     

    also do your guest know its ending so early? if I was flying in Id be a little pissed if it only lasted a couple of hours then we where expected to pay for the rest of the party

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