(Closed) Asking him to shave for wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Should I request a face shaving?
    yes : (29 votes)
    41 %
    no : (42 votes)
    59 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee

    Asking a man to shave or otherwise vandalize his facial hair, which can be to a man as much a part of his proud self-image as a fully functional male as a woman’s breasts are to hers, is outrageous. I would hope that even asking such a thing would bring the engagement to a quick and permanent end.  There are lots of “pitifully beardless” men out there.  You want one of them?  They’re a dime a dozen.  The same is true for men with only very short beards.  This is like buying a home under the flight path of an existing airport, and then complaining about the noise of the planes taking off and landing.  You know what you’re getting going in, or should.  His facial hair and mane are part of the package you signed up for.  (There’s an old saying about the problem with marriages is that “the bride always expects that her husband will change, and he doesn’t… and he expects that his wife won’t change, but she does.”  I think that (especially) on the wedding day, he should be able to look the way HE wants to look (just as you will for your own look) and if that’s not to the other’s taste… well, it’s good to find that out BEFORE you’re wed.  If it was me, I’d call the wedding off if she didn’t accept me the way our Maker INTENDED AND WANTED for me to look.  Can you tell that this is something I feel pretty strongly about?  😉

    Post # 17
    Member
    515 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t see any harm in asking him to trim it up and make it neat. I think at a certain point, it just looks messy and well, gross. Just my opinion.

    Post # 19
    Member
    5656 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    idk, how would you feel if your Fiance asked you to cut your hair really short for the wedding because he’d like it better? It grows back, right?

    I think he should definitely keep his beard, it seems to be a defining characteristic for him! Of course he could trim it and make it a little neater for the wedding day, but I don’t think you should expect him to shave it off completely.

    I think you should ask him how he feels about it!

    Post # 20
    Bee
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride\'s residence

    I’m not sure what Mr. Dragon is doing with his facial hair — I prefer him with a beard, he doesn’t really care but he hates scruff, and he desperately wants to have just a moustache but I won’t let him. It sounds really mean, I know, but I seriously can’t kiss him when he has just a moustache. I can’t even look at him! It’s just too weird.

    We’ve settled on the idea that he’s going to experiment with a few looks between now and the wedding and decide on one, because he can’t surprise me on the day of with something new and weird. I want to recognize him at the end of the aisle, just like how I wouldn’t go and dye my hair black on the day of the wedding kinda thing.

    Post # 22
    Member
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think you should be able to ask him to shave it, trim it, dye it purple. The key is that if he says no, you respect his wishes and leave it at that. Nothing wrong with asking. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Oh man I told my guy that under NO circumstances is he allowed to shave for our wedding. With beard is how I know and love him! He did shave for my senior prom and I was actually disappointed (although I didn’t tell him that).

    Post # 26
    Member
    3451 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wouldn’t ask him to shave.  If that’s how you love him, then it should stay.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee

    FMP, I actually don’t think stubble is a good look (or feel!) on ANYBODY, anywhere.  So yes, personally I would be fine if all women would throw away THEIR razors, too.  If you really think of a man’s beard, THE visible manifestation of him being a real, fully functional man in denigrating terms like “a mound of pubes attached to his face”, then yes, this will turn up again and again after your marriage.  Maybe you think a man’s beard doesn’t “define him as a man”, but in many ways, it truly DOES, in much the same way that a male lion’s mane (along with his genitalia!) defines him as a MALE lion.  Just as your breasts are a key thing which publicly defines you as a FEMALE.  If you don’t think that’s important, and don’t plan on breast feeding, then consider how much money you could save during your lifetime on bras, and how much less risk you’d have of someday developing breast cancer, if you’d simply get a mastectomy.   Outrageous?  Sure, but these ARE big major defining parts of who you are.  Some Eastern Orthodox churches won’t give a Christian burial to a “pitifully beardless” man, as they consider that a rejection of God’s will.  Numerous faiths here in the United States also actively respect the way our Maker intended and wanted for men to look.  Would you ask Jesus Christ (or God himself, in whose image Jesus was created!) to “neaten it up”?  Ever see a “pitifully beardless” Santa Claus?  No, of course not.  It’s WHO THEY ARE, and it IS a key part of the definition.  The fact that so many men (apparently happily) bow to fashion nazis and scrape it off their face every day just means that there’s someone for every taste, but…  after the marriage, little issues eventually become bigger annoyances.  If you know going in that you’ve got problems with who your partner is, then you (and he) should both seriously reconsider whether you can happily (and permanently) abandon that position, or if this is going to be an ongoing burr under the blanket for the rest of your lives.

    Post # 29
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Before I saw a picture of you together I had one opinion. My Fiance wears a short beard which I frequently remind him to trim, otherwise he could achieve a full Fidel Castro look in short time. I would not find that attractive. He shaved about 4 months after we met right before we took a trip to Jamaica. He is extremely handsome either with or without a beard in my opinion. However, that said, my ex always wore a beard and when he shaved one time in our 25 years together it was cringe-worthy. He had absolutely no chin. My Fiance knows I’d like him to shave for our wedding and has initiated the promise to do so. Once I saw your photo I realized we’re not just discussing a little beard thing here. You man is wearing his hair and beard as a statement. You are obviously happy with his look so I can’t imagine why you’d request he change it for a wedding. It’s not a look that may look great in formal clothing by conventional standards, but you are both happy with an unconventional look – why change?

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