(Closed) Asking his parents for help

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 3
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all!  I think its good to know where you stand financially as far as the wedding planning goes so that you know what your budget is and how much you need to save.  That being said I’m with you that your fiance needs to speak with his parents, maybe he could do it alone if he’s not comfortable with what his dad might say?

Post # 4
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you are being very reasonable. I think the person you should be talking to though is your FH. It his HIS parent, so it is on him to bring it up. Your fiance needs to understand that if he doesn’t ask his dad for help, then you guys are going to have to cover 100% of the deficit. Men respond to numbers, make out a budget, show him the number of the deficit and hopefully then he will understand the weight of the cost of a wedding and will ask his dad for help. There is nothing wrong with asking. Hopefully his dad will be honest with him enough not to just give you money out of guilt, but you’ll never know unless you ask.

Post # 5
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I agree with LLauRRa – you’ll never know unless you ask.  After saying for months that they couldn’t afford to give us anything towards the wedding, my IL’s ended up writing us a check to help cover the cost of the reception (awesome!!!).  So you never know!  Good luck.

Post # 6
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

 I think, as well, that your Fi should take the lead in requesting. 

I wouldn’t approach him with expectations, just let him know that you guys are planning to contribute, as are your parents.  Ask him if he would like participate and pair it with your desire for him to be involved (co-hosting the rehearsal dinner, etc)

Post # 7
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think your Fiance should ask him in private.  Without you there would probably be easier.  My Fiance asked his parents when I wasn’t there so I didn’t feel like I was putting them on the spot.  I don’t think they would have just came out and said "hey how much do you want for the wedding?" I think they wanted us to ask.  So definately approach them about it.  Who knows what they will say, but it’s worth asking.

Post # 8
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Is your Father-In-Law stuck on so called"tradition", you mentioned that he isn’t too familiar. BUT if he believes that the Rehearsal Dinner is all he should pay for that makes your situation tricky. I am actually in a very similar situation, FI’s parents are stuck on "tradition" that the brides family pays for everythng but the Rehearsal Dinner, although we are not having a rehearsal they are still doing a so called "RD." And similar to you, we offered a "this instead of that" situation asking if they would like to help with the food for the reception vs. having a Rehearsal Dinner with no rehearsal. FI brought up the situation and his parents just firmly believe that they should not have to pay any portion of the wedding…so ultimatly we just thanked them for the "RD" and moved on…hopefully your Father-In-Law will be a little more open minded. Good Luck!

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