Asking my adult children to walk me down the isle

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Amy8152020 :  I walked my father down the aisle earlier this year. It wasn’t to give him away or anything. He walked with me in 2016 and it was beautiful and emotional to be there beside him on the way to his wedding, getting teary thinking about it now! I think you should just ask them to be beside you and hope that it is something they want to do. Good luck 🙂

Post # 17
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee

I’m confused about why you asked your transgender son to wear a dress? I see another poster asked people to cut you some slack, but asking someone who is transgender to dress like their birth gender is very offensive and hurtful as you’re showing you don’t accept their transition.

I understand that it must be hard for you to come to terms with, but trying to force your son to dress like a woman can be very harmful and hurtful. Please apologise to him. 

Post # 18
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I think having your kids walk you down is a great idea. I am sorry for the loss of your parents. It’s your wedding you can have whoever you want walk you down. I love the rose idea. I lost my mom 10 years ago (she was my best friend) I might have to steal your idea lol. Maybe do a memorial table and place the roses there after the ceremony. Best of luck bee.

Post # 19
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

Having both of your sons walk you down the aisle will be very sweet. They can both wear suits. I like the roses idea, too.

I was walked down the aisle by both my son and my father.  😁

Post # 20
Member
6538 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it would be odd for a woman with grown children to have her parents walk her down even if they were alive. A photo or discreetly lit candle that you know is there to honor your parents is fine, the empty chairs are not necessary, as PP said, it’s not a memorial.

I think it is sweet to have your sons walk you down the aisle. (And of course Sam didn’t want to wear a dress.) If anyone has an issue with your two sons they probably should not be at your wedding. 

Post # 21
Member
823 posts
Busy bee

zl27 :  “Unfortunately, I am guessing that you have severely damaged your relationship with your son Sam. It’s time for self reflection and education. Only then will you be able to sincerely apologize to Sam for your misguided attitude/behavior and possibly repair your relationship. This should be your focus right now.”  I completely agree. 

1 000 000% Team Sam

Amy8152020 :  Everytime you misgender and disrespect Sam, you’re hurting him more deeply than you can ever imagine. There is no need to use his birth name and asking him to wear a dress for your wedding is appalling. If you don’t understand what being transgender is, why haven’t you sought to educate yourself? Please consider attending a few meetings with a group like PFLAG (friends, families & allies) to learn more. In the meantime, the very least you can do is to be kind rather than cruel (yes, asking him to wear a dress is cruel). 

Post # 22
Member
1422 posts
Bumble bee

Amy8152020 :  If you want your sons (two men who probably don’t want to wear dresses) to walk you down the aisle, go for it. That is up to you.

But stop bringing up Sam’s deadname and outing him to random people he doesn’t know. His transition is not your news to tell. Sam is your son and his assigned gender at birth is something that he gets to decide to give out. Outing him without his consent can lead him into dangerous situations because there are loads of people who are extremely violent to trans men and women.

I honestly didn’t need to know that Sam was assigned female at birth to answer your question. It had absolutely nothing to do with the situation.

Post # 23
Member
823 posts
Busy bee

bumblebug :  I love this response so much. 

OP please read bumblebug’s response and take these words to heart very seriously.  

Post # 24
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee

My daughter is starting to transition to a male as well. 

 If she is able to come travel to the wedding I will ask her walk me, in whatever she is comfortable wearing. It’s still fairly new and I don’t know all the right9 questions or answers, but my child is my child so I want her/him to be comfortable.  

Post # 25
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee

Amy8152020 :  “I was raised that there is only one true judge, and he is our creator.”

Ah, the vindictive and avenging god… If “our creator” were indeed interested in judging us – which is quite doubtful – there are plenty of people in the universe who would truly merit judgement. Sam? I don’t think so.

Post # 26
Member
823 posts
Busy bee

claroquesi : +1 

  Admittedly I’m an athiest, but I was raised in a Protestant/Catholic household and I truly don’t understand how people can claim to follow the teachings of Christ- who was kind and compassionate and accepting of EVERYONE, and kept company with those shunned or scorned by society-  yet seem stuck in the book of Leviticus even though the New Testament clearly state that the new ways of Christ supercede the older ways. 

Post # 27
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Austin, TX

My teenage children ( son and daughter) will be giving me away as my father is deceased and I feel like this day is more about the four us becoming a family together, not just the bride and groom. I can’t speak to what you are going through with Sam. My only advice would be to cut yourself some slack and reach out to your son with some compassion and understanding. 

Post # 29
Member
3197 posts
Sugar bee

Your first post was super judgmental of Sam, and now you’re trying to act like parent of the year.

Post # 30
Member
6999 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

When can’t you let Sam wear whatever the hell he wants? Why not ask BOTH your sons to be a part of your bridal party, wearing suits? Otherwise, ask them to walk you down the aisle. 

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