(Closed) Asking my MOH to step down!!!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you ask her to step down you will most likely lose her as a friend. 

Contact her. Ask her to hang out, have a heart-to-heart. You’re not getting married for 8 months- she’s probably not too interested on wedding stuff, so talk to her about life and rekindle. Not hearing from her since the beginning of Nov is just a month and a half ago lol

Post # 6
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

If all this is true then why did you ask her to be your MOH?  I agree with PPs that you will probably use her as a friend.

Post # 7
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Then text her, “I miss our friendship. I haven’t seen you since _____ or else I’d say this in person. When are you free?” If you get nothing from that in the next month, call it quits. 

Post # 9
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If its been this bad for so long why did you bother to ask her to be your MOH?

Sounds like there isn’t a friendship left to save. 

Post # 12
3204 posts
Sugar bee

I think if you have the support of you other BMs and they are basically taking on her responsibilities as Maid/Matron of Honor anyway, I would just leave it be, especially if you don’t want to (very likely) terminate your friendship by removing her. I know that the “credit” of supporting you and all that will still go to her, but at least you will still get through the wedding with the support you need and maybe later you can recover your friendship.

Also, just cause I read something above….If you are inquiring out of genuine curiosity why the OP asked that particular friend to be Maid/Matron of Honor even though they aren’t great friends anymore, it seems pretty clear that the sentimentality of the relationship is the reason and the fact that this emerged after getting engaged and asking her friend, and there are better, less accusatory ways of asking. It doesn’t really help asking why she made this “mistake” (OP, I don’t want to think of that as a judgment on your choice) when she can’t go back and fix it. 

Also, OP, I too asked someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man out of respect and sentimentality for our past relationship. She didn’t contribute much throughout the planning process, but I’m still glad I honored our past by involving her. If it can go well without hurting her, I’d let it be and maybe just talk to her about how sad you feel that she doesn’t take much interest in your friendship or life. 

Post # 13
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Asking her to step down is a really bold move. I couldn’t really tell in your post, but how much of an effort do you make to contact her? If she’s constantly flaking out on meeting up, then that’s pretty rude. If she’s just super busy right now, then that’s understandable. Do you try to talk to her about stuff other than the wedding? She might think that’s all you’re interested in concerning your friendship with her. If you ask her to step down, it’ll make it clear that that’s true.

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