Post # 1
SUMMARY (for those who don’t want to read a wall of text lol): My high school BFF and I frequently used to discuss being each other’s maids of honor. She hasn’t communicated with me in nearly 2 years despite a handful of times when I’ve reached out. I want her to be in my wedding party, but part of me feels desperate and pathetic asking. I feel like she may have written me off.
Hi everyone, I wanted to get your helpful opinions on something I have been mentally wrestling with for nearly 2 years. My middle/high school best friend (I would still consider her the closest friend I ever had) has not really been in my life for the past 3-4 years. I don’t believe there was ever any bad blood (at least none that I know of), but our paths diverged and I basically haven’t heard from her in 2 years despite a handful of attempts from me and my fiancé to reach out.
In high school, we always talked about being each other’s maids of honor. I am not sure if I should still ask her to be Maid/Matron of Honor (I may just not have one at all), but I would like to ask her to be in my wedding party.
For the past 2 years, I’ve sent her happy birthday wishes, but she leaves them on read and doesn’t send me any birthday greetings. 2 years ago I sent her a long message about how I missed her and wanted to meet up, and she responded agreeing, but when I replied trying to set something in stone, she ghosted. My fiancé and I also reached out 1.5 years ago saying we had extra tickets to an event if they’d like to join, and they left the message on read.
Asking her to be in the wedding is the decision I’m wrestling with. Part of me couldn’t imagine not having her there on the wedding day, but another part of me feels like an absolute fool crawling back to her asking this. I feel like it’s very likely she may have moved on with her life with other friends, and as the saying goes “no response is a response.” I already don’t have many friends in my life, and part of me feels desperate hoping she’ll give me the time of day.
I would love some help navigating these feelings. Any advice is welcome!
Post # 2
On the one hand, it usually never hurts to just put yourself out there and ask. On the other hand, it seems like you have been putting yourself out there and it has been hurting you, because this person has been ignoring you and it sounds like it’s been impacting your self-esteem a little bit. You don’t deserve that! I almost always advocate for reaching out to old friends, but in this case, it seems clear that this person has moved on in her life. It’s not necessarily her fault or your fault, sometimes people just grow apart. In this case, it seems like reaching out to her is making you feel bad abour yourself, and you shouldn’t have to feel that way, especially not in relation to such a joyous occasion as your own wedding. Maybe the best thing for your own mental health would be to just follow her lead and let the friendship go.
Post # 3
You have reached out and she has not reciprocated. Sadly, I think you need to let this go.
Post # 4
You’ve tried and have gotten the message loud and clear that you are no longer a priority or even a friend. I would take the hint. I wouldn’t invite her to the wedding at this point, much less ask her to be in the wedding party. It doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s upset with you. People can grow apart or just move on for any number of reasons.
Post # 5
Honestly, it seems iffy she would even attend your wedding as a guest. It can be hard to accept but some people play important roles in parts of our lives but not others. I would never ask someone who wouldn’t even acknowledge my birthday or meet up with me for lunch to be in my wedding party. Choose people who support you and your future.
Post # 6
I would invite her to the wedding, but I wouldn’t ask her to be in the bridal party. That is a lot of labor to ask of someone who doesn’t really seem to be interested in maintaining a friendship. I think an invite would be a good last olive branch.
Post # 7
You can, but if she can’t even return your call, how do you expect her to be involved in your wedding at all.
if you do ask her and she says yes, I would set your expectations very low as to her involvement in your wedding. Like probably just be prepared for her to show up to the ceremony.
Post # 8
OP she’s ghosted you. That should be enough to tell you that she doesn’t treasure a friendship with you. Why are you begging for the attention from someone who could care less?
Post # 9
Does she know you got engaged? Did she respond or say anything to your engagment announcement? If she didn’t even reach out to congratulate you or ask about it, I would let it go. She just does not sound invested at all.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t ask her to be in the wedding party. If you have space, I’d probably invite her as a guest. If space is tight and there are other people who have treated you better over the past 2 years, I would leave her off the guest list without thinking twice. She’s made her feelings known.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t ask her to be in the bridal party. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. If you have room, invite her as a guest, but I wouldn’t create space just for her.
Post # 13
Sorry, not all relationships last forever. It doesn’t sound like she wants to continue the friendship. Personally, I’ve grown apart from my high school best friends. No bad blood, I just moved on with other relationships.
Post # 14
Let it go, you reached out too many times
Post # 15
No. Do NOT ask someone you haven’t talked to in 2 years and who has ignored your approaches to be in your wedding party. Disaster waiting to happen.
This girl doesn’t care about you and let the friendship die. It’s time to move on.