Asking my old BFF (who hasn't spoken to me in 2 years) to be in my bridal party?

posted 2 weeks ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

On the one hand, it usually never hurts to just put yourself out there and ask. On the other hand, it seems like you have been putting yourself out there and it has been hurting you, because this person has been ignoring you and it sounds like it’s been impacting your self-esteem a little bit. You don’t deserve that! I almost always advocate for reaching out to old friends, but in this case, it seems clear that this person has moved on in her life. It’s not necessarily her fault or your fault, sometimes people just grow apart. In this case, it seems like reaching out to her is making you feel bad abour yourself, and you shouldn’t have to feel that way, especially not in relation to such a joyous occasion as your own wedding. Maybe the best thing for your own mental health would be to just follow her lead and let the friendship go. 

Post # 3
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

You have reached out and she has not reciprocated.  Sadly, I think you need to let this go.

Post # 4
13931 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You’ve tried and have gotten the message loud and clear that you are no longer a priority or even a friend. I would take the hint. I wouldn’t invite her to the wedding at this point, much less ask her to be in the wedding party. It doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s upset with you. People can grow apart or just move on for any number of reasons. 

Post # 5
7848 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, it seems iffy she would even attend your wedding as a guest. It can be hard to accept but some people play important roles in parts of our lives but not others. I would never ask someone who wouldn’t even acknowledge my birthday or meet up with me for lunch to be in my wedding party. Choose people who support you and your future. 

Post # 6
70 posts
Worker bee

I would invite her to the wedding, but I wouldn’t ask her to be in the bridal party. That is a lot of labor to ask of someone who doesn’t really seem to be interested in maintaining a friendship. I think an invite would be a good last olive branch. 

Post # 7
4085 posts
Honey bee

You can, but if she can’t even return your call, how do you expect her to be involved in your wedding at all.

if you do ask her and she says yes, I would set your expectations very low as to her involvement in your wedding.  Like probably just be prepared for her to show up to the ceremony.

Post # 8
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

OP she’s ghosted you.  That should be enough to tell you that she doesn’t treasure a friendship with you.  Why are you begging for the attention from someone who could care less?


Post # 9
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

Does she know you got engaged? Did she respond or say anything to your engagment announcement? If she didn’t even reach out to congratulate you or ask about it, I would let it go. She just does not sound invested at all. 

Post # 10
9238 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@ncgirl854:  I wouldn’t ask her to be in the wedding party. If you have space, I’d probably invite her as a guest. If space is tight and there are other people who have treated you better over the past 2 years, I would leave her off the guest list without thinking twice. She’s made her feelings known.

Post # 11
3132 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t ask her to be in the bridal party. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. If you have room, invite her as a guest, but I wouldn’t create space just for her.

Post # 13
2235 posts
Buzzing bee

Sorry, not all relationships last forever.  It doesn’t sound like she wants to continue the friendship. Personally, I’ve grown apart from my high school best friends.  No bad blood, I just moved on with other relationships. 

Post # 14
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Let it go, you reached out too many times

Post # 15
14015 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No. Do NOT ask someone you haven’t talked to in 2 years and who has ignored your approaches to be in your wedding party. Disaster waiting to happen.

This girl doesn’t care about you and let the friendship die. It’s time to move on. 

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors