Asking my old BFF (who hasn't spoken to me in 2 years) to be in my bridal party?

posted 2 weeks ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I admire your commitment to your friend. Here’s what I truly think: you want the “old” version of your friend to stand up with you during such an important life event…not the version of her now. It really, truly sucks when friendships don’t last, but I think that just means that our lives were supposed to intersect for a while. If it means you only have Maid/Matron of Honor, that’s ok! Definitely invite her as a guest, but let this go for your own peace. 

Post # 17
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

Don’t do anything out of desperation.  The reality is that for whatever reason, she hasn’t made the effort to maintain this friendship.  Ghosting you when setting up some plans to hang out is an emphatic move, telling you everything you need to know.  Friendships rarely last forever.  Many of them are for one chapter (or season) of your life.  The fact that there was no falling out and you drifted apart tells me that this friendship would have ended no matter what.

Accept the reality that you currently don’t have many friends in your life rather than trying to force someone from your past back into your life (when they really don’t want to be in yours).  It doesn’t mean you can’t have a great wedding without lots of friends.  Many times, family is considered to be more important when planning a wedding anyway.  You can’t bring back the friends from your past, but you can move ahead to the next chapter of your life and try to make new friends.  I’m not saying it’s going to be easy (I have very few friends at this point), but you can only do what is within your control.  You tried with this former best friend, and she rebuffed you.  You have no choice but to move on.

Post # 18
Member
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

She is no longer your friend. If you had plenty of other friends, you might not feel her absence so acutely. Let her (and your fantasy of rekindling the friendship) go. You deserve friends who respond to you and are happy to connect with you. Not people who ghost you and leave your messages on read.

Post # 19
Member
776 posts
Busy bee

Hell no to this one. She’s completely ignored you for two years despite your efforts to maintain contact with her. She has no place in your life, let alone your wedding. Let this go and move on from it. 

 

Post # 20
Member
2991 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
@ncgirl854:  I wouldn’t ask in this situation. I think your former friend’s silence throughout 2 years is your answer. There’s no longer a friendship there.

Post # 21
Member
4273 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
@ncgirl854:  To be blunt, if she isn’t responding to Happy Birthday messages, she is not going to respond to a “Will you be my bridesmaid?” message.

I’d let the friendship go!

Post # 22
Hostess
5027 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
@ncgirl854:  I absolutely would not.  My (former) best friend and I had a falling out a couple years before my wedding, and while the nostalgic part of me was tempted to try to repair things and include her, I did not.  I’ve been married 5 years now and have no regrets.  If you’re already not talking, you’re not close any more, even if there wasn’t any big drama surrounding it.  I personally know how hard it is to lose a best friend like that and to not have them there for special moments (I’m currently pregnant, and my former bff LOVES kids) but it ultimately is for the best to move on.  

Post # 23
Member
3018 posts
Sugar bee

Definitely not. You’ve put yourself out there multiple times and she’s rejected every single one of your invitations to reconnect. It sucks and I know it hurts but it’s time to let this go. I wouldn’t even invite her to the wedding at this point.

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