Post # 1
So, we are in a bit of a difficult situation with our DW. On one hand, the space is not so large that we can invite everyone we originally wanted to. On the other, our food & beverage minimums are fairly high. So, there is a tedious balance between how many people we can comfortably have at our wedding and meeting our minimums. This number is between 30 and 39, depending on if we upgrade the bar package and add more apps. Right now, we’re at 27 yes and 11 no, with 15 no replys, and of those I image all but 1 or 2 will be no as well.
There are some people that were on our original guest list that we had to cut because of the already mentioned constraints. What is the correct way to invite them now that we have space? I don’t want to beat around the bush – these people most likely know they were not invited from the get go. I feel like just sending an invitation would feel like a slap in the face since they know this. I was thinking about calling up one of my friends who we had to cut off the list and telling her pretty much the truth. That we had to cut people we would love to have there because of our space constraints and having to invite a few extended family members, who have now said they are not coming, and it would be wonderful if they could make it. Then if she thinks they might, I can send the invitation in the mail.
Thoughts? Other suggestions?
Post # 2
There is no way to tell someone they are second best politely. Now many people on this site and others will tell you that they personally would not be offended, but you’ve asked an etiquette question, and the etiquette is very clear on this issue. Letting anyone know they are on a B list is bad.
Your minimums are your problem. You shouldn’t invite 2nd tier guests because your cost per guest will otherwise go up.
If you do this, know that at least one person will be upset.
Post # 3
There’s no correct way to tell someone they’re a B-lister. +100 to everything andielovesj said.
Post # 4
Nope, too late! Especially not for a DW, that might require savings for months, in advance, and booking the trip far out, to get better travel rates. If it was local and friends let you know up front, that they would be happy to get a B list invitation, then that’s another thing.
Post # 5
This is really tricky. I had a classmate invite me as a B, C or even D list guest. She was honest, I was not offended, but if I thought we were closer than that, I probably could have been offended. P.S. I did not vote beacuse before I may not have been offended, but I can really understand if someone is hurt.
Post # 6
If you have 27 “yes” RSVPs and the minimum is 30 I would just take the loss instead of inviting these guests that will know they were on the B list.
Post # 7
It is not considerate to take a space with so many restrictions that you can’t properly host the people closest to you, not to mention that a DW is, in the majority of cases, already quite a burden of time and expense on people.
You will almost certainly have guests who are offended by a B list invitation, and feel that if you really wanted them there, you would have planned accordingly. If you can’t meet your minimums, IMO you’ll just have to pay for them or take another space.
Post # 8
pharmy: Yeah, that would be B-listing and very rude. I’d start calling the no repliers (if your RSVP by date has passed) and hopefully more of them will come. It sounds like you’ll be right at the minimum anyway.
Post # 9
Going against the pps here – I think because it’s such a small wedding to begin with your extra guests might not feel too hurt over not being in the first round. I’d call and explain like your suggested. Worst case they can’t make it. If it were me I wouldn’t hold it against you!
Post # 10
I really don’t see an issue, though I guessed the etiquette police would probably get their panties in a twist :-s I’d call them and explain, and I’m sure they’ll understand.
We had an ‘A’ and ‘B’ list and did end up ‘bumping up’ two people from the evening reception to the day; they were really chuffed and not remotely offended.
If you think your guests might be offended, then don’t do it; otherwise, I see no issue. Only you know them.
Post # 11
Just send them an invite and don’t tell them that they are on the list for people who said no.
Post # 12
pharmy: personally you can’t do. Second invite. I really disagree with this theres no politice way to do this I’d just accept the number I had
Post # 13
I disagree with PPs saying not to invite them. We invited extra people we couldn’t originally ask, they were very happy to be invited, and came and had a great time! It might be awkward if you’re only a few weeks out, but if you have a couple of months to go still I would ask them.
Post # 14
When is your RSVP date? If it’s still many weeks away, I would just send an invite as long as they will not have talked to others who already received their invites.
Post # 15
It wouldn’t bother me to be on the receiving end of such an invitation. I would send the invitation and add a personal note explaining that you were obligated to invite extended family, but now are able to extend an invitation to your close friend-me!
I think anyone who has ever planned a wedding will show a little more understanding than the “etiquette police”.