Asking people to pay on the wedding invite??

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3647 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You picked the location so I think you should eat the cost. It’s not your guests responsibility to foot your bill or be guilted into donating towards your expensive choices.

Offer the room in the castle to them and make your arrangements with the venue to sort through payments.

Post # 3
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

The insert you’re considering is dishonest, no? You say that you will book and pay for the room when you receive their RSVP but your description above sounds like it’s a package deal, you’re paying for all twelve rooms even if 50% of your guest list declines (a possibility, by the way).

You are requiring your guests to stay on-site so it should be fully hosted. If your families want to contribute, that can be worked out behind the scenes. 

Post # 4
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve been a guest in a similar situation. Our hosts did the following. They included an accomodations insert with the invite that listed the closest hotels and the price of a room at each (which were 30-45 min drive from the venue) and then also included the option to stay in a cabin onsite for $25 per person per night, and just “contact bridename if interested”

For you I’d do something similar, though probably charge per room vs. per person due to the nature. You may not recoup as much as you would if just charging admission to your wedding.. but it’s a heck of a lot more polite and let’s your guests decide for themselves where they’d like to stay.

Post # 5
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - Montsalvat, Victoria

To be honest I wouldn’t put this on your invite bee. Personally it does come across as a little cheeky – if you’re booking a venue, I’d expect you to be covering the cost of it and not asking me as a guest to contribute to that. In saying that, if you did want to broach it, I think the best way to do so would be an in person conversation with the guest/family member. I just think wording this on an invite is open to interpretation/misunderstanding. 

Would you still pay for the guest if they didn’t want to pay for the accommodation/event etc? I think this is also something you’d want to clarify with your guest list because it could come across as you only wanting them there to help pay for this venue you’ve chosen.

Best of luck bee! 

Post # 6
Member
3708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Are you requiring everyone stay in the castle? If so..you pay. If you booked the entire thing with just the hope that people will stay, then I would spread the info by word of mouth or email letting your guests know that there are rooms in the castle to rent for the weekend and to contact you if they’d like to stay in one. If the rooms don’t fill up, then you’ll have to eat those costs. That sort of comes along with the territory of using a castle as your venue. It’s going to be more expensive than other venues, but you can’t pass those expenses along to your guests.

Post # 7
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you are requiring people to stay at the castle then you pay. 

If it’s an option, along with other options, and some friends and family choose it that’s different. Can’t you have people make their payment arrangements directly with the venue so that it doesn’t seem as if you are collecting donations to fund a wedding you can’t afford? 

Post # 9
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Most polite is to just eat the cost. Anondotcom’s suggestion is a decent alternative.

But if you’re inviting that few of people, presumably they are your bff and close family. If it were my close family and friends, I think I’d be totally honest and just ask for them to pay for a night instead of a gift. Even if it was cheeky and they rolled their eyes they’d forgive me and get over it because they are my nearest and dearest.

Post # 10
Member
2599 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
longworth650 :  Uhoh! This is awkward. I’m torn on how to respond

– If I was a guest I’d 100% want to stay at the venue! How much is it? Are there other more affordable options for guests? PPs suggestion of mentioning other accommodations which include the castle seems best. 

– However…. DO NOT MENTION AN ADDITIONAL DONATION ON YOUR INVITES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. That was in poor taste. 

A few things to consider. Offer the castle accommodations at a discounted rate. You might not recoup all the money you spent but at least you might get some. 

Post # 11
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I think its almost a bit of a contradiction in a way (maybe not the best wording)… But if you’re getting married in a legit castle, yet asking people to pay to stay there, I as a guest would think, okay, maybe they shouldn’t be getting married in a castle then (if they can’t afford it), if that makes sense?? A castle is a very lavish setting, so to ask people to chip in is a bit tacky in my opinion, it was your choice to get married in a much more expensive venue, and trying to recoup costs is not a great look.

Post # 14
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - Montsalvat, Victoria

Hmm yes I totally get the vibe you’re going for here and I think given that your saying you’d be disappointed if guests didn’t stay at the venue, I think this really should be a cost you choose to wear as part of choosing this venue? Can you perhaps cut down your costs in other aspects of the wedding? 

If it were me and a close friend/relative was getting married and sat me down and asked me to stay in the venue for £250, I probably would do it BUT I think as PPs have said, it would make me wonder why you chose such a venue if you truly couldn’t afford it? I definitely think if you can swing it, try and subsidise the cost for your guests 😊 

Have you already paid the venue? Could you move your timeline so you can save more/afford to just wear the cost for your guests to stay at the venue maybe? 

Post # 15
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
longworth650 :  when booking a room guests take three factors into account typically.

1. Location (can’t beat yours)

2. Cost (you get to control this)

3. Comfort 

If the castle is as comfortable or more than the nearest hotels, and on top of that cheaper, I’d be shocked if anyone chose not to stay at the castle. 

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