Asking people to pay on the wedding invite??

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

Is there enough space for all the guests? Or will some guests have to stay elsewhere regardless? If there is room for everyone, I’d write on your invitation that there are rooms available at the Castle and write the check-in, check out times. If there’s not room for everyone, I’d decide who absolutely must stay at the castle (your and your groom’s parents, the wedding party, your elderly relatives, etc) and then deicde what the remaining “free” rooms will be. I’d write on the invitiaton that there are 6 rooms available at the castle, and to contact the bride and groom for booking. If they ask the cost, you can be transparent and say, “They typically charge $250, and recommend the wedding party charge $100, but we’ve already paid for the accomidations.” 

Post # 77
Member
13666 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
missviolet92 :  There’s a huge difference between a couple encouraging people to pay for accomodations in a venue that they are obliged to pay for in total in order to even have the option of getting married there and a bridal shower. 

The bride should never feel entitled to, ask for, or plan for her own shower. It is properly a totally optional, low key event thrown in the bride’s honor by a friend or friends. Gifts are supposed to be modest and practical. It’s often a surprise. 

True destination weddings, local to no one, are still thankfully much less common than showers, and provide a slightly better comparison. In that case the couple imposes on their guests’ vacation time and budget in order to have the wedding of their dreams, often at the expense of others. 

Guests can always book rooms wherever they please, even if the host offers to pay. As a side note, I don’t know how or where some posters came up with the ridiculous notion that offering to pay for someone’s accomodation obliges them to stay there. Hotel blocks or recommendations are provided as a convenience only. 

But again, in this case, the hosts should pay in total as it is integral to their ability to host the wedding there. They were responsible to pay for the room regardless and should not foist the expense off on the guest.

Post # 78
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I rented a full inn for my wedding last summer.  I had to book all rooms to make sure that no one outside my wedding booked, because then I wouldn’t have full use of the grounds and my reception would have to shut down at 10pm.

Guests who were financially able did pay for their own rooms, but for the most part, I ate the cost.  The $2000+ extra that I paid was worth the privacy and I was able to keep the party going until 3am.

Post # 79
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I think this would be an entirley different situation if the guests could call the venue directly, or book online directly, and pay straight to the venue. Where things get very awkard is that the rooms esentially came with the venue, but the venue is higher priced. If the bride wants to recoup these costs, from the sounds of it, people will have to pay her directly and this is the part that is sticky. 

I have been of the camp that this is tacky, BUT, if you can somehow get the venue to accept payment on your behalf and take it off of your bill, I think you could pull it off. And I would suggest not putting it on your invite, but having a seperate insert with things such as directions, and lodging options, like most have said, 99% of people would stay at the castle, but i think you need to give two or three other options, and the contact information of those options, including the castle… So if you do want to recoup costs, I really see this as being the only way.

Post # 80
Member
13666 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
sollyb :  I think OP said she could potentially bill through the venue. I’d still see that as disingenuous unless the venue handles it as a normal room block, not a mandatory cost of having the location. Hosts are supposed to pay for or provide accomodations to out of town bridal party guests in any case. 

Post # 81
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

View original reply
weddingmaven :  Gotcha! I must have missed that. In any case, I totally agree that she should be footing the bill 100%, I was more just saying if she is set on getting some of the cost back, that is the absolute only way I would see it not being completley bad haha.

Post # 82
Member
4668 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
weddingmaven :  Hosts are supposed to pay for or provide accomodations to out of town bridal party guests in any case. 

Interesting.  I have never heard of that or experienced that.

 

Post # 83
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

Seperate insert “There have been a block of 12 rooms reserved for the attending wedding guests at $100 (or $xx) per night. To reserve contact bride name”, then if they stay you make some $ if not oh well.

No need to put anything on the invite about no gifts or donation etc. 

Post # 84
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

This doesn’t sound that different than reserving a hotel room block to me, especialy since they often require a deposit or credit card and will charge you if the rooms aren’t all booked. I think you’ve gotten some good advice in here, bee (and some dramatic pearl-clutching but oh well, that’s fairly typical around here), but the one thing I’d add is that if you’re having a fairly small guest list of family and close friends, is this the kind of thing you could arrange via word of mouth? Or ask a family member to help get the word out?

You could include the venue on your wedding website along with links to other hotels/AirBnBs in the area if there are some. I would also look at what the other options to stay are charging per night, and then subsidize the rooms to be slightly cheaper than that. The combination of a cheaper room plus not having to deal with a taxi or car would certainly entice me to stay on-site. 

Good luck and have a lovely celebration!

Post # 85
Member
13666 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
sharpshooter :  Unfortunately, I don’t see nearly enough couples who are aware of or willing to follow the etiquette on this. Meanwhile, too many can recite a list of things they incorrectly believe the wedding party is supposed to do for them, feel entitled to out of town, over the top pre-wedding parties, and to all the sacrifices of time and money that have become trendy these days. 

Post # 86
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I have 250 guests, and they are all from out of town.  If I had the money to pay for hotel rooms for all these people, the Kardashians better watch out XD

But seriously, no, I have never felt even slightly obligated to pay for my guests’ out-of-town accommodations. They can stay at a cheap motel for all I care. I did two hotel blocks with discounted prices, and that’s all I did. If they can’t afford to come, I’m not going to take it personally. 

Post # 87
Member
13666 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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megm1099 :  Not all out of town guests in most cases, just bridesmaids and groomsmen. But OP has to rent the entire venue so she really had no choice. 

Post # 88
Member
13666 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
mrsptobe2017 :  In my experience, the majority of hotels do not charge the couple for unbooked rooms in the block, rather they hold them at the group price until a certain date, then release any that are still unbooked to the public.

Post # 89
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

The most gracious option is to just pay the whole thing and invite everyone to stay there.

 

If the venue is willing to play intermediary, you can get away with charging guests through them.  You cannot ask guests to pay you directly (And definitely do not explain the situation to anyone in real life!  You need to present it like a regular room block.).

If you go this route, set the rate at or below the cost of other lodging options in the area.  That will give your guests a decent deal (and for the most convenient option), encourage more people to stay at the castle, and recoup part of your costs.

Post # 90
Member
2563 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
longworth650 :  I would include a note saying there is availability for overnight stay at the venue and contact you for details as pp described above 

 I wouldnt do a donation, i would do a reasonable amount that is comparable to other overnight accomodation in the area – maybe even cheaper. 

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