(Closed) Asking SO when they will propose or for a timeline?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do you think asking your SO when they will propose or for a timeline is wrong and or pushy?
    Yes : (22 votes)
    19 %
    No : (63 votes)
    54 %
    Maybe : (31 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    No, I think it’s discussing your mutual futures together. Isn’t that what couples do?

    Post # 4
    9082 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    No. I think working something out is a-okay. I however disagree with the “Propose or I leave” mindset.

    Post # 5
    193 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I don’t think it’s pushy to discuss your future. FH and I talk all the time about getting married. (I know he has the ring so we’re in the home stretch!) However, I do think there is a difference between discussing it together and constantly asking him when it will happen. That may make him feel you just want the ring and the wedding, rather than a marriage. I believe it’s so important that both parties have an understanding of where the future is taking them and how each other fit into that. I don’t see anything wrong with having a timeline, and if you’ve been dating for an appropriate amount of time, you both feel financially stable, and are ready to take the leap, you should absolutely talk about it!

    Post # 6
    1222 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @anneh1990:  I agree with this.

    It’s one thing to talk about the future together, but I think expecting to be told when the proposal will happen is pushy and takes the fun out of it. I would be annoyed if I were put in that position. Asking where your SO sees the relationship going in the future is understandable, though. Knowing a proposal is in the foreseeable future would be enough for me.

    Post # 8
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    We discussed everything up front, I don’t think there’s anything negative about it, it is two adults discussing their future. 

    Post # 9
    3371 posts
    Sugar bee

    @MrsGarrityToBe:  It really depends on how long you’ve been together, what stage you’re in in your lives and what kind of relationship you have. If you think he’s no where near ready then it might scare him to bring it up. If you think he might be thinking about it and you guys generally speak openly about your feelings, then go for it.

    Post # 10
    2119 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I think it’s fine. I am choosing not to ask because I want to be completely surprised. We talk about marriage often, so I know a proposal is coming anyway. He already has my ring too. However, as more time passing, I’m sure I will become more impatient. 

    Post # 11
    1938 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @MrsGarrityToBe:  I think it’s important for a couple to both be on the same page about their ideal timelines.  It’s also important to understand how rigid that timeline is for each person.  It’s not fair to make someone invest years without knowing when next steps should be expected.  As with all serious relationship discussions, you should put thought into your approach and make sure you’re NOT pressuring, guilting, or refusing to listen to what they’re really saying.

    That said, for me, once the ring shopping happened I tried to get a timeline nailed down and he  refused. He said I knew it was coming and it would ruin any surprise to set up a window like that.  But I really tried in an over the top, you’re torturing me but I still love it kind of way. I never got negative about it. 

    Post # 12
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think wanting a timeline is completely reasonable. I think it’s discussing your mutual future together like @futuremrsk18 said. I moved to a different city to be with my Darling Husband when we were dating. We weren’t quite ready to get engaged at that time, but we knew that were headed in that direction. We just wanted to make sure our relationship worked when we weren’t long distance anymore. It made sense for me to move at that time. We discussed it and decided on a timeline. My Darling Husband proposed right with the timeline we had planned and it worked very well for us. We looked at engagment as a mutal decision that we made together. We didn’t view it as him having all of the power and I just had to wait on him. 

    Post # 13
    6743 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @MrsGarrityToBe:  there are a few ways you can approach this – ask him where he sees himself in 5 years or ask him where he sees the two of you in 5 years or straight up ask him when he sees you two getting engaged and then married. nothing wrong with those questions – it shouldn’t be scary for him bc you’re not asking him “when are we getting engaged” but when HE sees things are. after, ask yourself if you’re fine with that timeline. if it doesn’t match, just have a talk. “I know you see us getting engaged in 2 years, but I was thinking more like within the next year. How do you feel about getting engaged in a year instead?” Communication is key!

    Post # 14
    2037 posts
    Buzzing bee


    @MrsGarrityToBe:  Sooo I’m a ‘maybe’.  I honestly had no problems speaking up and asking about my SO and our future.  I figured that if we couldn’t discuss it, then we were not supposed to be together and no matter how hard this may seemed I was prepared for the worst.  If you look at it from this point of view-that you are absolutely ready to accept whatever you SO might say-then go for it.

    With that said:  I wish I wouldn’t have asked!!!!  I mean, there is something to say about knowing that it will happen and we are working towards it.  However I wish that I would have had more security about myself and didn’t ask.  Even after my SO said it would happen I can remember prompting him for a more exact timeline….and he got frustrated with me, threw his hands in the air and yelled something about me not being patient and ruining all of his surprises and where is the fun in knowing exactly how everything will play out.  Then I felt bad for weeks.

    Here’s my advice to you: Think about conversations you and your BF/SO have had since the beginning of your relationship.  As it turns out, my Boyfriend or Best Friend was giving me all sorts of hints that this is what we both wanted and were working towards, and I chose to not pay attention because honestly all I could hear was that it wasn’t on ‘my timeline’.  This is important–but in the grand scheme of things is a 1 year dely or so a HUGE deal when the outcome is the same?  not really.

    If there are no context clues in your relatinship AT ALL then by all means, ask, but…if you’ve already talked about it and your life goals are the same, try to just be cool about it and be patient and trust me your SO will love you so much for this and you will not have to have any moments of ‘Oh No!!  Now my SO thinks I doubt him’ or something like that lol…Anyway, just my opinion.  Good luck!


    Post # 15
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    NO it is called sharing your LIFE PLAN

    Every woman should be so confident in her life… and independent enough to know what she wants & needs out of life so as to share her LIFE PLAN, and hear what his is

    IF they don’t match up then she has her answer…

    And the ball is in her court…

    Stay or Go.

    If one chooses to stay it is knowing that things might not be had she hoped (LIFE PLANS don’t line up) then it her’s to own the situation she’s set herself up for

    You cannot whine about a guy who won’t marry you if you know full well that isn’t in his plans.


    As Greg Behrendt says in “He’s Just Not That Into You”

    “Ladies, do not waste ‘the pretty’ (your youth) on Men who don’t deserve it !!”

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 16
    917 posts
    Busy bee

    I voted Maybe, because I think it depends how it’s worded. But I agree with @futuremrsk18: ‘s statement. 🙂

    The topic ‘Asking SO when they will propose or for a timeline?’ is closed to new replies.

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