Asking the parents for their blessing to marry, yay or nay?

posted 4 months ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I specifically told my husband not to ask my parents beforehand. If it had been an elaborate plan where he was flying family in or something, then sure give them a head’s up so they know why they’re traveling. Otherwise it was not my scene.

Sidebar because I think it relates: My dad did walk me down the aisle, but originally I was going to walk with both my parents and my mom changed her mind. But my husband walked with his mom, so it’s more of an equitable thing like a PP was saying about a bride getting the blessing from a groom’s parents. 

Post # 32
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Lol this thread there are so many haters

Fiance spoke to my Dad before. Not that he would listen if Dad didn’t give his blessing, but because it’s one of those old timey wedding traditions I really liked as I am very close with my family. Same reason Dad’s walking me down the aisle. My parent’s don’t own me, but they raised me and this was important to me.

For reference, before Fiance spoke to my Dad he spoke to his parents, because he wanted their blessing for me to take their name too.

But on the flip side I fully respect those who don’t adhere to this particular tradition. Like, it 2019 do what you want. 

No need for barely concealed aggression from the “I’m not property” crowd. Geez chill.

Post # 33
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My concern with it would be what if the parent did not give a blessing? Would the couple really not marry? I do think getting along with parents and treating them with respect greatly facilitates things going smoothly all around, but I would not go so far as having him ask for a blessing.

The idea of the transfer from father to husband certainly played a role in the past. On the other hand, with young people marrying in their teens in the olden days, maybe some parental involvement, did help young people avoid bad choices, no matter how abhorrent that may seem today in modern society.

Post # 34
Member
7086 posts
Busy Beekeeper

bakerbee09 :  hell to the nope in our house. My husband knew better than to ask anyone but me if it was OK to marry me lol. If he had asked my parents it would have been a major red flag that he doesn’t know me well enough to marry me. 

Post # 35
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

No. My parents would have laughed in his face and thought less of him. And so would I. Not bashing the tradition but it’s definitely not for me.

Post # 36
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yay!! It is a blessing not approval, why not?

Post # 37
Member
2700 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

My husband didn’t ask for a blessing or permission, but he did call my parents to tell them that he was planning to propose.  He had also talked to his parents about it.  I didn’t mind either way.

Post # 38
Member
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My husband basically told dad what was happening. He didn’t ask 

Post # 39
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

cherry3b :  but what about engagement rings? Couldn’t those be seen as an antiquated sexist tradition?  I’m guessing you don’t object to those?

Post # 40
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

My fiancé asked for my dad’s blessing. I don’t find it sexist. My dad (and my fiancé) know that I’m fully capable of taking care of myself.

I thought it was a sweet gesture, and I know my dad appreciated it and respected him for making the effort. 

 

Post # 41
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

I suggested that my fiancé ask my dad for his blessing after we decided to get married. The keyword here is “blessing” as opposed to “permission.” My fiancé knew he was strictly not allowed to ask my parents for permission, but that I would like it if he asked their blessing. We both really like and respect my dad, and it mattered to both of us, and as I always knew my dad would want to pay for my wedding, it did kind of matter.

But it wasn’t an issue of permission, like “can I marry your daughter?” It was like, “hey I love your daughter a whole lot and I think she’s really awesome and we have decided to get married and we’d love your blessing.”

ETA: Also, in case it wasn’t clear, this was after we’d made the decision ourselves. I called my dad and handed the phone over to Fiance.

Post # 42
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

God no, nay…

I feel the permission thing is so antiquated – most couples flipping live together before marriage and some already have babies for gods sake.. Did they ask for permission before doing those things??

Blessings – fine, but if that was going to happen I would still prefer it was a combined effort of both the bride and groom seeking blessings from both families..together..

My fiancé new my stance on it and didn’t do it.. 

Im sure my dad would have liked it, but my mum would have wondered why he was doing it when I’m a grown ass woman and we already live together.. 

Post # 43
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

Hell no. I’d have been annoyed if he had asked. I don’t belong to my parents.

Post # 44
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

My Darling Husband asked for my dad’s blessing & my dad said he had to ask my mom since she’s the boss. 

Didn’t bother me one way or another. I didn’t even know a conversation happened until recently.

Post # 45
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

bakerbee09 :  My fiance did not ask either parents permission prior to proposing. First off, we had been together a decade, so it was pretty expected and as well, when I asked him about it, he stated he didn’t want to ask permission because I was not some sort of object or property. I was my own woman and the decision to marry him was mine and mine alone.

However, my mom, who raised me as a single mother, was very upset he did not ask her for permission first. She felt he owed it to her to request her permission.

I don’t have any issues with it, but in my mind if he were to have asked first, it would hev been my da, not my dad. But I do understand many think its a little bit of an outdated concept.

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