Post # 1
Hello Bees 🙂
I’ve been stalking your website for a while and decided to join. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years and living together for a year and we’ve been talking about engagement and weddings for….a while… Subtlety isn’t one of his best traits and he’s been asking a lot of engagement related questions in the last few months, one of which was ‘should I ask your parents’. He has a good relationship with both my parents and he thinks it would be nice, do any of you have any thought on this?
Thanks 🙂 x
Post # 3
I talked about the same thing with my Fiance before we got engaged. I told him that I didn’t want him to ask my parent’s “permission” since I’m an adult and no matter what my parents said, the choice was up to me. I feel like asking for a girl’s hand in marriage is an old-fashioned custom from a time when women were considered property. However, I did want him to ask for my parent’s BLESSING on our engagement before he asked me. My parents are old fashioned, and even though I don’t believe in asking for permission, I knew that they would feel disrespected and left out if he didn’t talk to them first. By asking for their blessing, he made them feel special without making me feel like property.
Post # 4
@MissMeow: That’s pretty much what I said to him. I come from a really close family and I think it would mean a lot to them to know that he cares about what they think – that’s really helpful, thankyou 🙂
Post # 5
My boyfriend comes from a culture where the groom’s parents AND the bride’s parents get together to “ask” for permission. He’s been planning this for a while now. My brother let it slip that my SO asked him if he could come out before the end of this year (he lives in another state) and he’s coming out in November!! SO had told me before he’d like to have my brother present as well to include him.
As for the “asking” it’s really just for their blessing… both our families know it’s coming we’re just waiting on the SO to “ask” them and ask me.
I’m hoping I’ll have a proposal by the end of 2011! Keeping my fingers crossed 🙂
I was engaged before at the age of 18… about 10 years ago!! It was a whirlwind romance… lol. He did not ask my parents. They were so angry and we ended up breaking up when I was 19. It was a good thing. I think that groom’s should ask, even though it’s so traditional and may be antifeminist. I feel it’s important to the bride’s parents.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
@MissMeow: We decided on the same thing. My SO wanted to talk to my parents first but didn’t want to ask “permission”. We decided he would ask for their blessing. My parents don’t expect him to ask them ahead of time but it would mean a lot to my SO and it will be a nice surprise for my parents even if they don’t “require” it haha (:
Post # 7
It was important to me that he ask for my hand. I didn’t need to tell him so, he had the same idea.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
It was important to my father, so when Fiance and I were talking about getting engaged I let him know that he needed to talk to my folks. I like the tradition, and I don’t see it so much as asking for permission but more of a respect thing. He took my mom and out out to dinner and my dad STILL talks about it and gets choked up at how much it ment to him and how heartfelt my Fiance was.
Post # 9
Fiance just knew that he was going to have to talk to my dad. He didn’t necessarily ask him, he more told him that he was going to ask. It was important to me that he seek my parents’ blessing before proposing to me and he felt the same way.
Of course it was a complete surprise to me! I still don’t know how my mom kept herself from spilling the beans to me, but her comments of “make sure to call and tell us about your trip and how your dinner goes” make alot more sense now.
Post # 10
I slipped it into conversation that it would mean a lot to me if he told my parents he was planning on proposing (not asking for “permission”, I called it giving them a heads up! :D).
My aunt got married last June and I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. While I was with her getting ready my then-BF started to talk to my parents about the wedding and made a comment about “TinyTina being next in line”. It took my mom a few minutes for it to register, but my dad immediately said… “I need a drink!” and they all celebrated with a glass of scotch! LOL
I was so happy that Fiance talked to my parents first and we got a really cute story out of it!
Post # 11
I think it’s a nice thing, if it’s asking for permission or blessing. It gives your parents some bonding moments with your soon to be Fiance.
Post # 12
SO and I are both pretty old fashioned when it comes to this, he wants to ask, but I know the idea scares the crap out of him! I’d be scared if I were him..my parents are intimidating when it comes to this kind of thing!
But he loves me and I know he’ll do it 🙂
Post # 13
My folks gave us a hard time when we moved in together, so neither of us was in much of a mood to ask for permission.
Post # 14
My dad gave my Fiance his blessing before my Fiance asked, sayeth my dad haha- my dad gets brownie points for encouraging him to propose! <3
Post # 15
My family is incredibly important to me and he did, in fact, ask PERMISSION from my parents. Both of us knew we wanted to get married, but honestly we are young and wanted to make sure peoples whose opinions are important to us approved. Had our parents said no, we would have waited longer to get married.
I think if it is important to you, then let him know that!
Post # 16
thankyou all for your answers, you have all been a big help!