Post # 1
My Future Sister-In-Law is having 2 bridal showers. One where she lives now (about an hr from where Fiance and I live) and another at her parent’s house in Boston (which is either a 10hr drive or usually we fly up). I plan on attending the one down here but my Future Mother-In-Law expects me to go to both! I tried to tell her that I probably would not be able to go to the one in Boston but she came back with “but it’s Memorial Weekend, you should have time off.” She doesn’t seem to get that I can’t afford to be flying up to there all the time – I’m trying to save for my own wedding. I even have a second job which I work weekends so if I went I would lose money by buying the ticket and lose money by having to take the weekend off from my 2nd job.
I try to let her down gently but she just keeps saying how sad she will be if I don’t come to the shower that she is throwing. Do I just flat out tell her I can’t afford it? I don’t know how to get it through to her otherwise. It’s not like I’m blowing off the functions all together – I’ll be going to the one nearby and will obviously bring a gift.
Post # 3
Are you in the wedding?
My Future Sister-In-Law is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding and did not attend my out of town shower (the same distance as you would have to go). I did not have a wedding in the town we live in. I was a little put off by it at first because she lied to me about the reason but whatever it didn’t end up mattering. I had a great time regardless and honestly didn’t notice she wasn’t there. Your Mother-In-Law needs to accept whatever you chose. Even my crazy mother got over the fact his sister didn’t attend, so will your Mother-In-Law.
PS are you a SIL I didn’t know I had? Your Mother-In-Law sounds JUST like my mom…Funny they’re in the same area, too (and so are you and I!). Must be something in the water up north?!
Post # 4
It’s a little over the top that your Future Mother-In-Law expects you to attend a shower that is 10 hours away from you after already attending one that is local, IMO. If it were me I would just outright tell her I couldn’t afford it, especially if she’s seriously playing the guilt card, but that’s just me. Either way I really wouldn’t give in on this one. Maybe some other bees have better advice.
Post # 5
Yes, it is asking too much. It’s just a freaking party! I would never expect anyone to come 10 hours for anything except the actual wedding, even if they were in the wedding party.
Just say, “No, I’ll be busy and I’m already going to the other shower”. Also get your Fiance (her son) in to tell her to back off. Remind her over and over, “it’s just a party, do I need to drive 10 hours just to watch Future Sister-In-Law open a few presents?”, i.e. try to make her see how ridiculous the request is.
Post # 6
Oh my gosh, this is crazy, Let her pay for your travel expenses if she is going to insist on your attendance. Weddings make people nuts.
Post # 7
@MrsWBS: lol it’s funny how often I realize so many people are in the same situations as me when I read posts on here.
But no I am not in the wedding, nor is she in mine. And Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t care if I only attend the close shower, it’s only the Future Mother-In-Law who is insistent. I know it’s just because she misses me (I lived with them for 2 years while in grad school) so now she tries to get me to come see her as much as possible. I should just take it as love and not being a crazy Mother-In-Law haha
Post # 8
Mother-In-Law, I wish I had the days off or the extra money, but since i work a second job and I am already attending her shower at X location I just cant take more time off. I wish things were different, but they are not. Please send me pictures of the party because I would love to see them.
Post # 9
umm yeah it’s over the top to insist that you attend both showers. Your Fmil needs to back off, tell you you can’t afford it. If she insist on bringing it up perhaps your Fi should speak to her and said we made this choice as a couple please respect our choice. That or just ignore ignore ignore her.
Post # 10
@PinkAndPearls2013: Oh well it’s nice she’s an over loving Mother-In-Law than a crazy one! I’d just let her know you’re very sorry but you really can’t afford it at the moment and you look forward to her telling you all about it.
Post # 11
People like this annoy me.
I am having 2 showers. One here and one which is a 22 hour drive away. I don’t expect people to go to both. That’s silly and pointless.
Post # 12
You’re being reasonable to attend one and take a pass on the other one. I’m sure your MFIL means well and is clearly happy that you’re part of the family (which is lovely), so you just have to be firm and clear, and kind, about why you can’t attend the 2nd shower. If she’s at all a reasonable person, she’ll understand.
Post # 13
@PinkAndPearls2013: 10 hours is too far to travel/a plane ticket is too expensive for a bridal shower alone. you are totally in your right not to go… ESPECIALLY since you’re going to the shower that’s close to home. anyway, i would never expect someone two attend two showers for me. if there are two showers, there should be two seperate guest lists. i know that family could be the exception to that, but i’d still never expect them to attend two showers.
Post # 14
They will get over it- don’t feel too bad.