(Closed) Asking TTC-challenged friends to be godparents…insensitive?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would ask them very carefully and be completely honest about understanding if they decide to turn down the offer.  In some ways it could be a really nice thing for them to have a baby in their life as godparents, but in other ways I’m sure it would also be really hard for them, since they’re hoping for their very own baby.  I think if you want to ask them, then you still should, but understand that this is a very personal decision for them.  Make it very clear that you love them no matter what, and you don’t expect them to take you up on the offer if they don’t want to. 

Post # 4
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think it depends on the person.  I agree to be careful when you ask them but understand if they’re experiencing too much pain to accept.  I think that if I was in their situation, I wouldn’t want you to feel like you couldn’t ask me and I would be thrilled you thought that highly of me.  I’ve never been in the situation but I do think that’s how I’d feel about it. 

Post # 5
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should ask… I mean they might really love the idea! I think it will be hard yet easy to have a baby around so they get the fell of it all.

Post # 6
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you should ask them, as someone who has had no luck TTC for more than a year, I would not be upset at all at being asked, in fact, I would still be honoured. They might not feel the same as me, but as long as you are sensitive, I can’t see that it would be upsetting per se.

Post # 7
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

During some of our hard times TTC, I would have absolutely loved to be asked.  When our nephews were born I tried to spend as much time with them as possible, it was great to hold them and help, even though sometimes it was hard.  It is nice to have a tie to a baby when you can’t have your own.  Of course everyone is different, they may not feel the same, but it can’t hurt to ask. 

Post # 8
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

As someone who is infertile and spent a long time TTC as well; I would be honored. For me, I never wanted my friends to treat us different or tip toe around us. People who did actually only made it worse bc it felt in a way singled out.

Post # 9
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I can understand the hesitation but think they would be okay with it as it shows that you think highly of them. I know a friend who has been TTC for 5 years unsucessfully and her sister got pregnant by accident (married an older man, decided to never have kids) and she is happy to be the godmother as well as happily babysits her niece quite often. I expected she would resent her sister/niece due to the circumstances but it seems to be just he opposite, she spends a lot of time with her sister and her niece.

Post # 10
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ouch.  TTC challenged is not a nice term at all.   I hope you don’t say that around them.  

/soapbox

I would definitely approach them, but would be sensitive about it and give them space after you approach it.   Let them think about it if they need to.  

Post # 11
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I tried for many years to conceive and it just wasn’t in the cards. And even though I couldn’t have a child of my own, I felt VERY honored and appreciated when I was asked to be a godmother to a friends baby. It was a huge compliment, because they were telling me they thought I would be a good mom, which was something I really wanted to be. 

I’m not saying that I wasn’t sad about not being able to have my own children. It was like they were validating my ability to be a mom, even though I wasn’t able to conceive. In a way, they were saying they were being supportive of my desire to have children by saying they trusted me to raise their children if something should happen to them. I don’t know if that makes sense or not. 

I never once was insulted or hurt that they asked. I also never begrudged their ability to conceive just because I couldn’t. I love children, and I was extremely honored that they wanted me to be their daughter’s godmother. 

I say ask them… Tell them that you can’t imagine anyone better to take care of your child and that you’d be honored if they’d be the godparents. Treat them like you would anyone else you would choose.

If you want to feel them out a bit, that’s fine…a simple “We’ve been thinking about Godparents for our child, and think you’d be perfect, but we weren’t sure how you’d feel about it,” will give you you’re answer and allow them an out if it’s just too hard emotionally for them. I think they’ll be thrilled, but who knows, because every couple deals with infertility differently.

 

Post # 12
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Do you have the type of relationship where you can be honest with them? If they were our friends I would tell them all of the kind and wonderful things you said about them above -and that you couldn’t imagine anyone else to be godparents for your children, but you understand that it may be emotional/difficult for them because of all the troubles they are having?

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