(Closed) Asking wedding guests to give money to charity…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to ask for charity donations as a gift? What would you do if you?
    Yes, it is rude. But I would make the charity donation anyway. : (6 votes)
    11 %
    Yes, it is rude. I would give them something else as a gift. : (8 votes)
    14 %
    Yes, it is rude. I would not give them a gift at all after this. : (8 votes)
    14 %
    No, it is not rude. It is only rude when people ask for money to keep, not for charity. : (26 votes)
    46 %
    No, it is not rude. And it is not rude to just ask for money to keep either. : (9 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think if it was on a website or you spread the news by word of mouth it would be a nice gesture and I would happily contribute.  Putting it on the invitation is a bit much though.  I feel like gifts shouldn’t be mentioned at all on the invite. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    283 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think that sounds lovely, and I would have no problem donating to charity. If I received something like that in an invitation, I would be touched by the honesty and generousity.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I just think its rude to specifically ask for something in particular. Charitable donations should be made with a willing heart not because they have been told to do so by a couple getting married

    Post # 6
    Member
    10568 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I agree with @Natalieh86:  

    I don’t have a problem with what you wrote, just don’t include anything about gifts with your invitation.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think it’s kind of in between rude and not. Definitely don’t put it in the invitations. And obviously don’t have any showers. If I saw it written somewhere, I might raise my eyebrows and go “really?”  

    You listed “I would not give them a gift” as if that were a bad option, but what if I saw the charity, and it was something that I didn’t agree with? Even if I didn’t dislike the charity, I might just think, “well, I’m definitely not gettting them a gift since they clearly don’t want any…” and I may or may not donate to the charity.

    Post # 8
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We did a charity registry and I’m glad we did it.  It felt good to think about others during the business of wedding planning (where it’s so easy to get wrapped in just the wedding).

    I agree with the others that putting it on the invitation isn’t kosher, etiquette rules say you shouldn’t mention gifts at all.

    Post # 10
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    By The Way, i think what you’re doing is very thoughtful and generous.  It’s a touching way to honor a loved one.

    Post # 10
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    By The Way, i think what you’re doing is very thoughtful and generous.  It’s a touching way to honor a loved one.

    Post # 12
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We put it on our website.  We listed our website on our save the dates and had a “reception” card in our invitation with general info about the reception and our website.  The website was mostly helpful info about the wedding.  According to the etiquette books (which I sometimes disagree with), this is an ok way to go.

    Ideally you can spread this info through word of mouth, but considering we live in 2011 maybe a facebook status update would be better?  

    We registered with the i do foundation (www.idofoundation.org) so we could direct our guests to that website.  There are other websites, http://www.justgive.org or http://www.globalgiving.org, as well.  That way you can get notified when people make donations so you can send them a thank-you.

    It went very well!  Our guests thought it was very thoughtful of us.  We also had a traditional registry at Bed, Bath, & Beyond so people who wanted to get us a traditional gift had that option.

     

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Related to etiquette, the “experts” disagree on whether or not a charity registry is acceptable.  this is one of the times I decided to ignore Miss Manners.  If it’s rude to tell my guests we would love a donation to a local food pantry to help the hungry in our community instead of a toaster, then I can live with being rude.

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    5273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I don’t see anything wrong with this – since most people put registry information on their wedding website, you can put a link to the charity instead of the typical registry.

    The topic ‘Asking wedding guests to give money to charity…’ is closed to new replies.

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