(Closed) Assuming engagement is over..follow up 3

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@anonconfused:  I love that you changed his name to “cheater” in your phone. And I understand completely about feeling like you never even knew him. You must be hurting so much right now. I was in a relationship for two and a half years, he had talked about marriage for the last year and had a ring. He planned to propose that weekend, and instead he broke up. And I still loved him for so long and wondered what I could have done differently to fix things.

It was so hard. It took awhile to get over it–but I did eventually. You sound like you are doing so well considering. Please remember that there was nothing you could have done. That was the biggest thing–stop running through it and figuring out where you could have changed this or that or made him love you more or something. You couldn’t have. He was never going to be right.

Hang in there, it will get better eventually. Thinking of you!

Post # 33
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

what an asshole! seriously! what a piece of SHIT!!!!!!! i know i am the millionth person to say this, but you deserve so much better. like infinitely better. i think you’ve handled yourself so well in this horrible situation. i think in time, after the heartache passes, you will find yourself in a much happier place and i am excited for you. 

chin up, xo

Post # 34
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@anonconfused:  what a loser! I know you can’t feelit now but be glad the engagement is over and never look back. He is a grade A asshole.

Post # 35
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

@anonconfused:  I feel terrible for you but also happy that you didn’t get stuck marrying this schmuck! Only time can take the pain away.  Even though it may seem impossible one day it will hurt less, then one day you’ll realize he hasn’t crossed your mind all day, then finally one day you’ll realize that you’re over him and dodged a bullet and that this was a (very painful) blessing in disguise.

I wish I could take the pain away. Oddly enough, everything else in life that’s this painful kills you….except heartache although it can feel like it. Being cheated on makes it 1000 times worse and you didn’t deserve that. I know you’re going to be stronger and better off without him. Remember that every day that goes by is one less day it will take until you’ve moved on and aren’t hurting anymore. Even small steps are steps in the right direction. Try to keep yourself distracted, take up a new hobby, meet people, explore and fight for yourself! Be selfish and remember the bees are always here if you need any support.

Post # 36
Hostess
8703 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

@anonconfused:  He is such a knob and clearly not good enough for you. I hope that the pain fades for you soon. Be strong, this time next year you will be in amazing place and won’t give this dick a second thought. x

Post # 37
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like this guy has a lot of issues and is not in a good state of mind to have a healthy relationship. 

I know it hurts to not have the closure you need, but I would say try to be thankful that his problems are not your problem anymore. You can find someone healthier who is ready to have a honest relationship. 

Post # 40
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anonconfused:  being far away from You had nothing to do with it. Assholes cheat when you live in the same house. You are way better off without him. And theres nothing you could have done to stop him from cheating. I’ve been cheated on and no matter how great I treated him when he’d get tired of his side piece and come back to me, it never changed. This is just a part of the healing process. 

Post # 41
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@anonconfused:  It makes me really sad that you think YOU are the reason he left you 🙁

Post # 43
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@anonconfused:  Listen, you can’t keep thinking like this.

Break the cycle because trust me once you go down the garden path of “What could I have done to keep this from happening” you will come up with one million things that you did that spelled the death of the relationship.

He ended it, not you.

The right man is going to see a placement like the one you had as a stepping stone on the way to a future together. He’s going to see that it is the right career move for you and he’s going to support you because even if it sucks in the present it will pay off big time in the future.

This man wasn’t the right man. Listen, as a doctor you’re going to have to be working some crazy hours as you start your career. You need a partner who is going to be supportive no matter if you are on call or if you have to work nights or something.

The end result was that he couldn’t deal with your career choice and rather than admitting it he took the coward’s way out.

If he didn’t leave you now during this placement it would have been at some other point. Probably after you were married.

Post # 44
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@anonconfused:  I am so sorry you are going through all this! I just wanted to tell you that you did NOT make a mistake choosing your career over this POS. You should be with someone who supports the choices you make, especially when it comes to bettering yourself and moving up in your career. The fact that he was holding that against you makes him the biggest turd ever! Please don’t blame yourself for any of this. You did nothing wrong!!!

Post # 45
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

A schmuck would still me a schmuck no matter where you lived. If you had stayed there and missed this great opportunity in your career he still would have been just as awful and when he broke up with you you would have really regretted not having made that career move. Plus, being in a different spot means it’s way less likely that you’ll accidentally run into him!

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