(Closed) Assuming you can bring a “plus one”???

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

First, I commend you for not assuming you were invited and sending back your RSVP/attending the wedding. If only more people were as considerate!

However, given that you were living together and are now engaged, it would not have been rude to make a phone call to clarify this–especially when word started filtering down that there might have been a mistake! If you called and it wasn’t a mistake then it would only have reflected poorly on that couple for not inviting you, not on you for attempting to clarify a confusing situation. If you called and it was a mistake, then it might have prevented those hard feelings about your FI’s non-attendence from arising.

Still, the situation appears to have passed. I hope that this doesn’t happen to you again, but if it does I would call!

Post # 4
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I don’t think you were wrong in your choice not to attend.  It’s a choice. as much as the bridal couple may love everyone they invite to attend, that’s what it is, an invitation.  not a requirement. 

personally if i was your fiance i would have called the cousin to double check about you being invited making sure.  my theory is that there is nothing wrong in asking (as long as it is ONLY asking – not demanding or whining or guilt-tripping).  i was invited to a wedding of an old roommate that was only addressed to me.  since i had become engaged before her i wasn’t sure if i was to assume that my fiance was invited or not so i asked.  at the time i asked she was unable to accommodate him due to size constraints but then she called me up a few weeks later letting me know that since they had gotten several declines if my fiance was able to make it they would love to him come (he lives out of town).

i think you guys reacted fine based on the information given to you.  i’m sorry it has caused some hard feelings with the cousin though.  🙁



Post # 5
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hmm.. tricky situation but if your fiance had already decided not to go b/c it’s an out-of-town wedding and let them know that he won’t be coming, I’m wondering why you’d be so worried?  Did you guys change your mind to go and wanted to both attend the wedding?  

But in any case, if I were you, I wouldn’t show up at the wedding just because the uncle of the groom said you should attend. After all, it’s the bride and the groom (or the bride’s family) who are in charge of the guest list.  Maybe having your fiance call and ask them casually, ‘just making sure’ kinda way, would solve the problem?  Good luck and hope everything works out!

Post # 6
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

You were absolutely right in your assumption that the envelope indicated you weren’t invited. In that situation, I would have called them to check, just since you’ve been dating for so long and you’re engaged – it could have been a mistake.

I definitely think you did the right thing in not listening to the people who told you to just go anyways! 

Post # 7
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You guys did the right thing! If the cousin is mad that’s on him.

Post # 8
53 posts
Worker bee

I think you did the right thing, even with the uncle saying you were invited. The fact is, it’s not his wedding. We have this situation right now where my future mother-in-law just invited someone after they gave us their guest list and we had already sent out save the dates. We kept saying this person couldn’t come and she kept insisting he come. So now he’s getting an invite but I really hope he doesn’t show up and if he does I won’t be saying hello. Good for you, your judgement was correct!

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