(Closed) Astranged mother

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

It sounds to me, and forgive me for saying so, but that you are doing this more out of fear then honor. While I’m sure inyour heart, estranged or not, having your bio mother there is important to you – it doens’t feel to me she has earned the right to have the honor of your mother at the wedding.

I would invite her as a normal guest. If you feel she is going tocause a scene, I would prepare and have a plan. Someone to calm her down, remove her or distract her. Since you can’t not invite her it seems.

Have her sit near the front of the chrush and near the front of the reception and that’s honor enough.

This is one of those life thigns that has no clear cut answer I am afraid. Just be prepared.


Post # 4
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have a friend Terry, who went through a similar situation. She calls her stepmom (Shelley) as mom, whereas she calls her biological mother by her first name (Lacy).

Lacy is unreliable, rude, undependable, starts fights in the family, etc. However, Lacy IS Terry’s biological mom. So, Terry had both mothers sit in the front of the church. I can’t recall if Lacy or Shelley was seated first. I recall they were staggered by one row. I also remember Lacy wouldn’t acknowledge Shelley, though Shelley said hi to Lacy. I also remember that Lacy refused to stand beside Shelley in the receiving line. I’ve known Terry since we were in grade 2, so almost 20 years, so I’ve watched the heartbreak Lacy caused Terry over the years. I think Terry picked the high road, by honouring both mothers. Everyone there knew the family, and knew that Shelley raised Terry.

Do what’s right for you. If that means having your bio mom sit in a different row from your step mom, or having them staggered in the receiving line, or not inviting your bio mom to the rehearsal dinner, then do it. But, if it’s possible, talk to you bio mom about her role and expectations. If it’s not (Terry didn’t bring it up with Lacy), then don’t bring it up.

Good luck!

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