(Closed) At a loss as to what to do. I’m so upset, any advice appreciated

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

(Copied from previous post)


I’m so sorry that this is happening. I don’t know what happens when someone contacts a postmaster and files a complaint so I really can’t advise you there. All I can say is that this seems like a desperate attempt to get your attention and to get you to contact him. It’s sad and it’s manipulative.
It also doesn’t seem like this behavior is going to let up, and if you truly don’t want him in your life (and you’ve made it quite clear that you don’t) and if his behavior is consistently brutal and harrassing, you may have grounds for a restaining order. I know you don’t want to go that route, but short of reconciling…what other options can be considered?

Post # 4
286 posts
Helper bee

Really sorry you are going through this right now….if he keeps bothering you then the restraining order might be what you have to do….

Post # 5
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow…it’s really hard to give advice on such a sensitive subject, but I do have a friend who was in a similar situation.  Her dad basically stopped talking to her when he remarried and he ended up moving to Florida (we’re in California) which she felt was like total abandonment.  She was so angry for years, but when he did contact her he (like your dad) did not feel that he did anything wrong.  He ended up coming to her wedding but she was very ambivalent about it. She dealt with it at first by writing him a letter with everything she had been feeling for 10 years or so.  It didn’t magically fix their relationship, but they talk occasionally.

I would say on the positive side…at least your dad cares and is trying.  Although his methods are not the most thoughtful or mature…  You might regret it further down the line if you never speak to him again.  I can tell you are not ready now, but maybe you could just send him a letter that explained yourself and say that you need some time – with no contact at all, and then after that point maybe you could talk.

Just remember, life is long; family is family and they are often very near from perfect.  Express your feelings (always! ), tell him to stop trying to trick you into seeing him, but maybe leave the door open for the future?

Post # 6
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I’m usually a big proponent of getting along with family but there are always exceptions and your dad is one.  You are so strong for ignoring him for so long.  He is abusive and harrasing and should be ashamed of himself for the rest of his life.  Try to ignore him emotionally as well as you ignore him physically.  When he does something crazy like the post office try to find it funny, because it sort of is.  He is a sad human being without the self awareness to see how badly he continues to act.  I hope you get a restraining order when/if you feel it will make your life easier instead of harder because of court. 


Post # 7
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I feel so sorry for all the people and more specifically women in his life right now.  It breaks my heart that there is nothing we can do about men like this, merrily living their lives and harassing and hurting people.

Post # 8
7490 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

He’s selfish and you owe him nothing.  As far as filing a complaint- how could he ever prove that it was you and not your fiance who wrote “return to sender” – especially if he has never communicated with your FI?  Just igonore him.

Post # 9
25 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

Talk to the police. Not 911, of course, but maybe visit your local police station to get some advice here. Learn more about how much you would need to be involved in a restraining order. It may not be as bad as you think. They may be able to give you more ideas about your options.


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