(Closed) At a loss with Stepmom???

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Are you close to your dad?  I would ask him if he wants her involved in that way.  I think it’s a nice gesture but not necessary since you aren’t really close.

Post # 4
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Other than escorting you down the aisle Im not sure what other Mother of the bRide things you are talking about. I would say for escorting you that it is fine not to have her doing it. Either have just your dad or your mom and your dad but there is no need to include your stepmom unless you are super close to her and you really want to

Post # 5
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m including my stepmom which pretty much means I’m getting her a corsage and having one of the groomsmen walk her down the aisle before my mom.  Frankly, it’s a nice gesture and of all the things I have to worry about and battles a bride fights, it wasn’t one I wanted to take on.  She’s been in your life for a long time and while you say you aren’t close with her, you don’t have an evil stepmonster story either, so if it doesn’t cause drama, why not just do it?

That said, you could always just ask her.  I wasn’t sure what to do with my SIL, I was her bridesmaid and both my brother (her hubby) and her daughter are IN the wedding.  I asked her how she felt and she said she was happy to not have a role and just sit back and watch.  Maybe your stepmom feels the same way… 

Post # 6
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think it would be nice to get her a corsage, but she’s not really your mom so I wouldn’t include her in traditional MOB stuff since you’re not close to her. Are you close to your mom? I would be sad if my daughter randomly started including my ex-husbands wife in MOB stuff when she wasn’t really involved with your life.

Post # 7
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

IMO, she should be escorted down the aisle, and if your mom and Future Mother-In-Law are having corsages, she should get one too. I think *maybe* the scenario is different if she’d only been your stepmom for the past year or two (after you became an adult), but she’s been your stepmom for most of your life. I’m a member of a blended family that had a similar living situation to yours, and I think it’s very easy to unintentionally hurt peoples’ feelings with wedding stuff. While you may not be close to your stepmom, your dad is. Out of respect for his feelings, I’d try to honor her like other family members at the wedding, especially since your talking about stuff like ceremony seating and flowers – stuff that doesn’t take away from your mother’s role. On things like helping you get ready that are traditionally the MOB’s job, I’d definitely save that just for your mom. And like a pp said, you can always ask her how involved she wants to be. Chances are, she doesn’t want to step on your mom’s toes 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

We aren’t doing anything special for my mom ceremony-wise because it’s not tradition in our culture, so it’s hard for me to think about whether she’d care about corsages or escorts. To be on the safe side, I don’t see anything wrong with doing either. However, for things like dress shopping and being involved in the planning, I wouldn’t feel pressured to include her if you’re not close. 

Post # 9
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think you should definitely include your step-mom in anything you’re doing for the other mothers as far as escorting/corsages/etc.  Excluding her on that sort of stuff could be insulting.

 

When you first said “mother of the bride stuff” I thought you meant more the dress shopping, mom-daughter bonding, etc.  That would be a nice gesture to include her on some of that if you felt like it, but totally not obligatory.

Post # 10
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am super biased because I hate my biological fathers wife more than anything in this world.

But on the other hand I have a step father who IS my dad.  He will be doing all of the father duties during my wedding.

You are never obliged to do anything but if you get her a corsage i’m sure she will be thrilled.

Post # 11
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If your not close i say dont do it.

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