At an end with my husband… just need to rant

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

(((hugs)))  Im so sorry youre dealing with this. It definitely sounds like he needs a wake up call (and maybe some therapy?). I think youre doing the right thing to leave and maybe shock him into reality. He ultimately has to make better choices and hopefully the prospect of losing everything will make him realize that.

Post # 3
699 posts
Busy bee

He is 40 and has never held a job longer than 2 years and has had large gaps of unemployment? Bee that is super concerning… In general it isn’t difficult to hold a job or to find new work and the fact that he can’t see the importance of working and looking for new work I wouldn’t be able to handle. He’s freeloading at this point; fully relying on you to take care of his needs. If you weren’t in the picture what would he do, how would he find work, pay for his house/food/etc. You shouldn’t be applying for jobs for him, you shouldn’t have to look for jobs for him, he’s not a child that needs to be shown the ropes he’s a 40 year old man that needs to get his shit together. The lack of ambition and drive (which looks like has gone on for a very long time) would have been a deal breaker for me 

Post # 5
699 posts
Busy bee

stlkennedy92 :  So he was 31, freeloading off of mom; did you guys than move in together? Has he ever had to live on his own or has he always had someone there to take care of him?

Post # 7
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

Wow, bee, I am so so sorry you have to deal with this.. Sounds like his not holding a job is putting a severe financial strain on you. I think you did the right thing by packing your bags for a while, it has become apparent that he doesn’t understand or care how stressed you are all the time as a direct result of his lack of motivation. A good partner would want to ease that discomfort by getting a jump on their career and help you out around the house. 🙁 

Post # 8
8832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

stlkennedy92 :  “I thought that when I grew up he would too” — You are older and wiser now. He IS grown up. This is what he grew up into, and there is no reason in the world to think he is going to change. It’s not wrong of you to WISH he would change, but it is useless to HOPE that he will. What you want from him is perfectly reasonable, except that you want it from HIM when he has proven for years that that is not who he is. If you can not live happily with him exactly as he is now, then you need to leave him. He’s not going to change. You’re going to waste years of your life trying to get him to, until one of you finally decides it’s not fun anymore. You deserve better. Don’t turn a 5.5 year mistake into a 10 year mistake.

Post # 9
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You should spend some time away. That sounds beyond stressful. I’m sorry you’re going through this. 

Post # 10
552 posts
Busy bee

Hmmmm… I think I used to be married to this guy… 


Sorry lady, I think a break is best. 

Post # 11
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry, honey. This is a sad situation. At 40, a man should be trying to find a good stable job to help provide for his wife and future children, not making his wife apply for jobs on his behalf. 

Take a break, stay with your dad, and clear your head. Don’t keep doing his work for him, he’ll never learn to do it for himself. he’s always had things provided for him, it seems – a house with his parents or you, you doing the legwork on applying for jobs and educational programs, and someone taking his excuses.

take care of yourself, first and foremost. Good luck.

Post # 12
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Please don’t have a kid with this man. You will then be taking on most of the financial responsibilty in addition to most of the housework and childcare, not to mention the emotional labor of keeping everything together, remembering occassions, birthdays, school activities, etc. You will be buried with little help. I am sorry, Bee. However, there is good news. You are young and will have no trouble meeting a responsible man to have an equitible relationship with and with whom you can start a family that you both support.

Post # 13
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

First of all, kudos to you for dealing with everything!

Second of all, no unemployed person is “above” anything. Hell, you sell cigarettes on the sidewalk if you have to.

Third, I would consider ending this relationship. He’s going to take you, your credit, your livelihood, and future down with him.

Post # 14
2503 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry, bee, but I agree that he sounds like a loser. You’re only 30 and have plenty of time to start over with someone else. Don’t let the sunk cost fallacy get to you. 

Post # 15
6649 posts
Bee Keeper

Sounds a lot like my ex-husband, except I had children with mine before the chronic unemployment began. I’m still dealing with the debt from my former marriage and have been in and out of court attempting to enforce child support since the ink dried on the divorce judgment. He had his car repossessed last year…

Good luck, Bee. You can’t make someone else want to have a secure job, savings, and adult responsibilities.

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