At an end with my husband… just need to rant

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 17
930 posts
Busy bee

He needs a Serious wake up call…you leaving may help. 

Post # 18
6097 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

How frustrating and upsetting, OP. But honestly, fuck a break; he isn’t going to change. I’d get out while the getting is good. Use the time at your dad’s place to start planning the dissolution of your marriage and how you can ship him back to his mommy. If you put it off, it will just be that much longer that he’s dragging you down.

The fact that he’s allowing you to apply for jobs for him and then has the nerve to poopoo which jobs you apply for – arrogant is too generous a description for him.

I have a good friend who was married to a guy like this and she realized (after they had a child) that he was entirely too comfortable being without and letting others do for him. She said it got to the point that they had the financial equivalent of a single meal to last them an entire month and even THAT didn’t light a fire under his ass. That was when she realized that she needed to leave. Years later, she’s building her own thriving business and raising her son while her ex is still chronically underemployed and blaming others for his situation.

Get yourself free and find yourself someone with some maturity and ambition about himself. Life can be hard enough without taking over financial responsibility for a freeloader with no ambition. It’s been 5 1/2 years. You have seen who he is. Believe what he has shown you.

Post # 19
1023 posts
Bumble bee

Oh hell no.

My SO was recently laid off too but there is absolutely no way in hell i would still be with him if he wasn’t applying to jobs every day and working his ass off to better the situation. There is no room for egos when you need a job. My bf is looking into working at Home Depot or Lowe’s or as a bartender or server if he can’t find work in his field by a certain timeline.

In a way, his unemployment situation has really brought us closer together. I’ve seen just how driven and motivated he is and how positive and determined his attitude remains even in a bad situation. It is the lowest of lows where you see the true character of your partner, and it is very telling. For this reason, I feel even closer to my bf because we have bonded through the bad and if we can laugh and smile through these times, then we can make it through anything. He has been my rock and I his.

But the situation you describe is quite the opposite. You married a man child. This is completely unacceptable. I think in your case it’s ultimatum time.

Post # 20
110 posts
Blushing bee

If he is not trying to get a job I can see why that would be frustrating.   I am also working full time and going to school full time and dating/living with an almost 40 year old bartender.   I would love for him to find another job, and be on a similar schedule, but the money has been good and a lot of times he is the one keeping us afloat.  Perhaps your hubby is having some serious difficulty deciding what he wants for his life?  I think that there are ways to have untraditional jobs and schedules and make it work.

Post # 21
14926 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s not too late to start over, drop the dead weight lazy man child.  You’ll be taking care of him forever if he hasn’t figured it out by 40.

Post # 22
87 posts
Worker bee

You’re young enough to start over. I don’t think he’s going to change. I have a relative married to someone like this:  but when he found out what kinds of jobs I had been applying him for he said that he wouldn’t take them because he ‘is above that’


and he never stopped freeloading

Post # 23
909 posts
Busy bee

Yea bee. I have seen this play out too many times. My sister is married to a guy like this. They have a child now but she pays for everything. And even though she has a great job and makes a lot of money she struggles because her husband doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain. I’m concerned about what retirement will look like for her because she has to support her husband too. I often wonder what her life would be like if she married someone who was as ambitious as she is. 

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