At my breaking point

posted 11 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
9103 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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drutto112 :  “Men act like babies sometimes so baby him ” — What? Seriously, how does this even make sense? How exactly should she baby someone who “refuses to talk to me, says I’m annoying, won’t look at me when I’m speaking to him, and has locked himself in his office all day“? Long lasting relationships with the right person aren’t hard work. And “more good times than bad” is a super low bar, especially if it takes that much work. 

Post # 17
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

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Daisy_Mae :  it’s all based off of psychology which I’m very familiar with secondly, I’m thrilled your life and relationship in fairytale land is so simple but in reality life is work. I’ve been married for 20 yrs, yeah it’s simple to give up but the real test is to work through it and overcome their issues. You don’t have to agree but dont come at me cause I’m not screaming ‘divorce’ like the majority. 😡 If she wants to get to the bottom of his man tantrum she may have to put kid gloves on for the time being. You don’t like my opinion,  tough. 

Post # 18
Member
798 posts
Busy bee

@daisy_mae: thank you for that much needed dose of sanity.

OP, you do not have to stick around to assist someone get over his “man tantrum”. There is nothing honorable about putting up with ridiculous, toxic, immature behavior. Jesus Christ, it’s 2019.  

  • This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  motogal.
Post # 19
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

(Moderated) 

Post # 20
Member
9103 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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drutto112 :  You didn’t answer my question. What are you suggesting she do to “baby him” when he’s throwing his little hissy fit? And can you direct me to the peer reviewed study that concludes that this leads to a happy marriage? Thanks in advance.

PS, Sorry a long happy relatively easy marriage is just a fantasy for you, but it is reality for me and could be for most others as well if they would stop trying to force square pegs into round holes. 

ETA: And stop allowing people to treat them disrespectfully, or worse, actually rewarding toxic behavior as you’re suggesting.

Post # 21
Member
10001 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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hurtandlost :  

Dear OP, read everybody’s responses carefully ( well, not drutto’s ,hers is potentially dangerous advice, babying a man into behaving properly indeed!!) and think carefully, do l want more of this?. Because more of the same is all that’s on offer  l fear. You can – and have- turned yourself inside our to ‘deserve’ being treated properly and it won’t work because he doesn’t care . Sad but you know it is true. 

Post # 22
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

 Thank you experts! I hope the 3 of you feel more like ‘women’ for trying to  gang up on my differing opinion. I really can’t waste another second with you keyboard warriors. Girl, the fact of the matter is you catch more bees with honey than vinegar. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. God bless. I’ve learned a lot from the website and their pack mentality. ✌

Post # 23
Member
398 posts
Helper bee

 

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hurtandlost :  this man sounds like he has clinical depression. Perhaps he thought marriage would fill a void in him or fix problems in the relationship or in himself that he wasn’t communicating about because he thought they would go away. 

If he won’t go to a counsellor see if he will go to his GP. His behaviour isn’t normal. 

  • This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  peachykeener. Reason: Spelling
Post # 24
Member
3149 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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drutto112 :  you can’t work on a relationship with someone who isn’t working with you and if you need a person to fundamentally change who they are and how they typically behave in order to make it work, you picked the wrong partner. 

There is a world of difference between having disagreements now and then that you have to work through and having to constantly work to keep the peace or twist yourself into knots to try to get your needs met by a partner who isn’t meeting you half way. 

I haven’t been with my fiance for two decades, I will acknowledge that, but I have been with him for five years and in that time not once has the relationship felt like hard work. If I had to constantly fight for my relationship, I couldn’t be bothered to be in it.

I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and roses and easy all the time, but my relationship is consistently a source of comfort and support in my life rather than a source of stress, and that’s (IMO) how it should be. 

I find it disturbing and honestly heartbreaking how many people in this world waste years of their lives in miserable relationships because they’ve spent their entire lives being told that relationships are “hard work” and you have to fight to make them work. 

The “hard work” isn’t supposed to be directed AT the marriage. The hard work is supposed to be directed at everything else that the marriage is up against. It’s hard work because you’re working together with another person who may not always agree on the best approach to something you’re facing. Being with that person shouldn’t be hard work. 

Post # 25
Member
3901 posts
Honey bee

I will never “baby” a grown man.  We communicate like adults

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