Post # 1
I had a post under relationships that gives the background, but FH and I are fighting over FIL’s money problems. Father-In-Law has some land in Hawaii that he wants to sell immediately so he can get his car back. I don’t want to. FH keeps saying it’s a great investment (I don’t see it) and I think he really wants to help his dad and is blaming me. We just had a huge fight, with him saying if I don’t go along, he will “resent me forever.” We each have am amount of moeny we can use for whatever we want. My parents gave us $10,000 for a wedding gift, consisting of a $5000 check for each of us for tax purposes, and FH is now saying that gifts go to personal money. Even with that, he still doesn’t have enough. I am so mad that he is taking advantage of my parents’ generosity to US by using it HIMSELF to bail out his irresponsible father. He is working tonight, and we are supposed to celebrate our third anniversary tomorrow, and I don’t even want to see him. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think this is right, but what can I do besides just tell him no and fight?
Post # 3
I really don’t think that he should be making this decision alone. It is a family decision with the couple’s money and he shouldn’t do it with just his money. This investment could mess up BOTH your futures if something goes wrong with it and he has no right to get you in those problems too. I said before that I didn’t think that he should be bailing out his father. I’m sure that someone else would be interested in buying the property if he just listed it.
Post # 4
I think if at all possible you should put this behind you to celebrate the anniversary tomorrow. Hopefully you both agree that you love each other and want to work through this. Having this challenge to solve does not mean that you have to resent each other.
When you do talk about it, don’t focus on telling him no and fighting but rather on WHY you both feel differently. Try to get your FH to explain his reasoning and see if he really believes it’s a good investment or not. If so, he should have some factual proof and you should both try to get an objective idea. Consult a financial advisor if you need, but you should be able to get to a consensus on this.
If the real issue is helping his dad, would you consider making a loan to Father-In-Law instead? If you aren’t comfortable getting financially involved with Father-In-Law at all due to his irresponsibility with money, maybe have a bigger discussion with FH on how he sees your future involvement with both sets of parents. Again, try to focus on facts, not emotions to back up your points.
This is a tough situation, as usually happens where financial ties with relatives are concerned, but I hope you can get through it.