(Closed) At my wits end!!!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly, it sounds to me like you need to cut your losses and move on. I don’t think he wants to get married. To have a ring for over a YEAR and still not propose? I’m really, truly sorry but I don’t think this man wants to get married, and all of this dragging of his feet isn’t fair to you.

Post # 4
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Don’t stress girl.. Perhaps he’s waiting for the right moment because he feels like he blew it the first time.
The surprise element is really important to a lot of men (mine included).. He knows you’re expecting it and waiting for it, which is probably not what he wants. He wants to catch you off guard and sweep you off your feet!
I don’t think any man that wasn’t serious about getting married would do something ballsy enough as to propose to a woman without a ring.. but he loved you enough to take the risk and go for it.. but seeing as to how you reacted, he realized that it IS important to have the ring as a symbol.. and perhaps now he wants to start over.. The more you pressure him, perhaps the longer it’s going to take for him to finally ask you.. If you trust the man you’re with, then trust that he has the best intentions at heart.. 
Just try and sweep it under the rug for now.. Perhaps if he hasn’t popped the ring out by the end of THIS year, THEN consider moving on and ending the relationship.. But Im almost positive he just wants to surprise you..

Good luck! 

Post # 6
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, I would rather just be engaged than have to wait over a year for the perfect surprise.  that’s ridiculous.  it won’t be a complete surprise because they chose the ring together and it’s been so long, now she’s just expecting it.

 

OP, I am sorry you are going through this.  It’s frustarting and could lead to resentment on your part.  If he wants to marry you and you want to marry him and he has the ring, what is the hold up?  I would also be at my wit’s end.  If there’s nothing major like finances or family issues or job problems, what is he waiting for?  any day he proposes will be special, surprise or no surprise.  *Hugs*

Post # 7
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@itsfate:  May I ask, how old are you guys?

Post # 8
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If a marriage is so important to you, propose to him.

If you want to be traditional, tell him you want to get married, it’s important to you, and that’s all you’re going to say on the matter.

I am definitely not a fan of walk dates or ultimatums (Although I see them as one and the same) so I will refrain from commenting. You probably don’t want to hear what I’d have to say, anyway.

Post # 9
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@lolaswann:  Perhaps.. I’ve been with my Fiance for 6 years.. He proposed when we were together for 5.5 years.. I even moved 1300 miles away from home to be with him when he decided he wanted to open his business here.. I felt discouraged because after being with him for so long and moving my life up here, he still hasn’t proposed.. Of course, everyone would ask me “When are you getting married?!” and it would stab at my self esteem each time… So of course, i kept pressuring him and asking and asking and he woudl push it off and tell me to stop asking.. I cried A LOT regarding the matter and even questioned moving back home..
I decided to stop bringing it up and asking him about it because it was doing more damage than good.. Well, finally, on my birthday, he proposed when I least expected.. 

I guess I just want OP to be a little more optimistic because I didn’t get my ring until after almost 6 years.. But granted, he didn’t have a ring that i knew about stashed in his drawer.. That does change things.. 

Post # 10
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you. He may love you in his own way and he may not want to lose you, but from the outside, it does not compute why he would hold out if he was ready to marry. It’s one thing to just simply not be ready and tell you that he wants to marry down the road. Not everyone is on the same timeframe. But this is ridiculous.

He probably got carried away when he first asked you and ever since then he feels pressured. I wouldn’t want to start out a marriage this way. I think the most concerning thing to me is that he hasn’t admitted this to you like a grown man should. He sounds incredibly immature and selfish, holding onto a ring for 2 years. If he really did want to marry you, it seems cruel to make you wait knowing how agonizing it is for you. 

See how it looks to outsiders? He’s either really immature or cruel. Or both. I would leave.

Post # 11
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If I had a nickle for every time i heard this story. 

Stick to your walk date. Then WALK

Post # 12
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Your “walk date” is meaningless to him it’s only for you.  If he was ready and truly wanted to marry you he would have asked by now.  I would reset the walk date for right now. 

Post # 13
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

He’s been sitting on the ring for over 2 years, that doesn’t sound like someone who wants to get married.  I’d ask him directly, does he or does he not want to get married/engaged soon and why.  If what he’s saying doesn’t agree/coincide with your plans then you need to leave.

Post # 14
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Im not a fan of walk dates either but I would sit down and have a grown up talk with him..

Tell him you want a brutally honest answer no matter if he thinks it will upset you or not and ask what is the hold up… if he cant be upfront and honest.. then you need to re-evaluate what standards you are putting your relationship to.

Post # 16
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

@itsfate:  Do you have any inclination as to why he hasn’t done it yet hun?

The topic ‘At my wits end!!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors