(Closed) At my wits end… thinking about running (long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

I hadn’t commented before but had read your post and am glad you gave us an update.  I hope this is a wake-up call for your DH and glad to hear he’s willing to look into anger management. Best of luck to you and keep us updated!

Post # 35
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He sounds really scary – he prevented you from flying to see family? That is chilling. How have the last two weeks been? Has he made a decision on anger management?

Post # 37
33 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

Keep focusing on your own well being. Maintain a private savings account or private vault and keep putting money into it — even if it’s small amounts at a time. Have a recreation or hobby for you to do from time to time and keep up your friendships.

Right now he’s modifying his behavior, but in my experience, that does not constitute a change. That is a temporary adjustment. It will take a spiritual epiphany for a boy to evolve into manhood and you have no control of when and how that will be — you are not his higher power nor his counselor.

So, keep taking care of you. Time will reveal where his psyche is. But don’t put your life on hold and wait for him to figure it out. I dated a man for a year and a half who I kept hoping would figure out how to show up well in a relationship with me. Then he finally told me he wanted out — after asking me continuously for a year and a half for more chances!!!

Shortly thereafter I started daing a new guy — a friend of 3 years who asked me out. At one point I asked him what his definition of “patience” was. He said it means accepting someone for where they are in life and making a decision to be okay with it, while making sure that this decision does not come at the expense of your own well being. I realized at that moment that I thought patience meant “waiting with loving intentions.” Whoah!!! I changed my definition of the word on the spot. I am now engaged to him — my friend, my love, my partner. He reminds me every day that we’re in this together, not through his words, but through his actions.

If you don’t feel like you’re in it together, then you’re in the position of being his mother, which is not a satisfying relationship, nor is that an appropriate relationship for either of you.

Take care of you. If he doesn’t have his epiphany, move on and don’t meander in pity or invest in regret. It’ll be painful, but just remind yourself that you have a lot more living to do.


Post # 38
10997 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Anger management is the wrong treatment for abusers, they just BS their way thru it.

And no competent therapist would see you together, it’s too dangerous.  I’m sorry he was able to keep you from your family.

Post # 39
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@globalmargaret:  I hope you figure out what’s best for you. Its sounds like you are unhappy, he either needs to change or you need to think of leaving.

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