- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
I guess this is more of a vent than anything else. I also considered going anonymous for this, but I suppose I don’t see the point in pretending that everything is fine when I’m on my regular account.
He’s at work right now, and he’s supposed to call me before midnight. I just got off the phone with him, and I am itching to just throw his shit out on the curb.
We got into a stupid fight on Friday night after we got drunk at someone’s party and then came home. Actually, we had a great time until we got home. I went into the bedroom and fell asleep. About ten minutes later, he woke me up and wanted to have sex. I told him I just wanted to sleep, and he felt rejected so he said, “Fine, I guess I’ll go watch porn then.” I said, “Whatever, I’ll just think about Bob then.” (Bob is my ex, and it’s not his real name.) He walked out of the bedroom, and I fell back asleep. Then I awoke to find that he had punched my computer monitor because my comment about Bob had angered him.
Honestly, he felt butthurt that I didn’t want to have sex with him, so he said something to hurt me. Then I said something to hurt him back. Whatever. It was a stupid fight and we were just saying things out of frustration and because we had too much to drink.
But he loves punching things! Especially computer monitors. We’ve had to replace about five computer monitors because he just can’t control his urge to punch them. Alcohol isn’t normally involved. He even broke his hand punching one back in June, and then punched the damn thing again for good measure. During this episode, he had also tried to choke me and he broke a lot of priceless things. On another occasion, about a month and a half later, he tried to choke me again and he slammed my head into a porcelain sink.
So on top of punching monitors and breaking inanimate objects, he has been physically abusive on more than one occasion. After the first incident, during which he broke his hand punching a computer monitor, I demanded that he get help from the VA. He did that at the time, and he seemed remorseful. He always is, once he gets past being defensive and telling me that it’s because I say things that make him so angry when we fight. He was put on Welbutrin when he tried to get help after this incident.
Then, the sink episode happened. He hadn’t been back to his appointments at the VA in a few weeks because it happened after he got a regular job. However, we did start seeing a marriage counselor, who’s been as helpful as he could be given that my husband is broken.
I didn’t even want to see a marriage counselor. I wanted my husband to see a psychiatrist who could get his medication right the first time instead of telling us that they might have to deal with some trial and error for a while before they find a dosage that works (that’s what the psychiatrist at the VA had said). What the hell do these people spend twelve years in school for if they can’t get it right?!
I learned today that he hasn’t even taken his medication in a week. We moved to a different state, and he called to have the refill sent to him. He also gave them the new address to send it to. Since then, two weeks passed and he ran out of Welbutrin one week ago. Unsurprising, given that the VA is underfunded and overwhelmed. But he didn’t call to follow up about it because there’s been so much else to take care of since we moved two weeks ago.
Well, no wonder he completely overreacted two nights ago.
And if this man doesn’t already seem ridiculous enough, there’s this! Whenever we fight, he texts my mother as though we’re in elementary school and he’s tattling on me. Seriously! He drags my mother into our fights! I’ve brought this up on several occasions before the marriage counselor and all three of us agreed that it’s in extremely bad form to be dragging my mother into our arguments.
He said he wouldn’t do that again, but he did Friday night. I just found out from my mother that she got a text from him.
He said in June that he wouldn’t act out physically again, but he did a month and a half later.
He can’t change, he won’t change, even though he keeps insisting that he’s trying to. I’m tired of giving him passes and buying into his bullshit about how he feels bad and everything.
The events of this past Friday night, and then finding out that he texted my mother, it’s the final straw. I’m done. I just want to throw him in a filthy cage and forget about him like he’s a terrible dog I don’t want anymore. I told him I want him to go back to psychiatric inpatient treatment because he’s too messed up for the real world. I know that wasn’t the kindest thing to say to him, but he has completely exhausted his chances with me. He no longer deserves my kindness.