Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor got engaged in April and later asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor as well. Her wedding is scheduled for next June. My wedding is in less than 2 weeks! (Date on here is wrong.)
Anyway, since she got engaged she’s literally planned her entire wedding, down to the cake tasting, favors, food, etc. She’s asked me to help her with several things- 2 of which I had to drive out of town for- in the last month. Im just annoyed that she doesnt offer to help me out AT ALL and my wedding is so close. We have nearly 10 months to plan hers. Even now, I have not heard from her in days, besides when she send me a picture of the invitations she plans to order for her wedding and details about her engagement shoot. I guess my feelings are hurt because she is my Maid/Matron of Honor and best friend, and I thought she’d be there for me a little more than she is.
Even when we are together, if I bring up a detail about my wedding, like my final meeting with the venue, she immediately changes the subject to something about hers..
Example: “I had my final meeting today, and they suggested we figure out x, y and z. what do you think?”
Her: “Oh, IDK but hey I just ordered my cocktail napkins today! They are monogrammed…blah blah blah about her wedding.”
Thoughts on how to handle the situation if at all? Frankly it seems like she is “upstaging me” in the words of my mom or she is “jealous of the attention I am getting.” Either way, maybe I am just being a bridezilla after all.
Post # 3
Maybe she assumes you’ve got all the important stuff down since your wedding is in two weeks. That’s cutting it kind of close for the planning/securing phase IMO.
Post # 4
I see what you are saying and I DO have all of the major things figured out but there are a few last minute details I am still working out. Its also a matter of her not contacting me at all in terms of hey, it’s getting so close! I am so excited..do you need anything?
That’s what some of the other BMs are doing and thats what I have done every time I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I just get the feeling she is trying to make it about her which is rubbing me the wrong way. Does that make sense at all?
Post # 5
@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug: I don’t think that she is doing any of this with malicious intent, but probably more out of just because selfish & self absorbed.
I feel horrible that you are going through this though 🙁
Honestly I don’t think I would say anything now, because chances are she is going to be upset & things will be made worse for you.
I totally get why you would WANT to say something, but I’m not sure if it will accomplish what you are hoping, & it may instead cause some issues for you so close to your big day.
Hang in there, & make yourself feel special. Totally accept that spotlight & be the amazing bride you have always dream of without shame. If I have one regret it was not really drinking in the experience of being the bride, because I’m just not that type of person. But, you only get to play that role once, so ROCK IT! 🙂
Post # 6
@MrsSkeletonKey: THANK YOU for posting this! This is exactly how I am feeling..And you are absolutely right on the fact that me saying something would not accomplish its intended purpose. I am just so frustrated with it and WANT to say something but know I will not end up doing so.
I just have a hard time understanding certain things she is doing, such as not making the dinner reservation for the bachelorette party and asking me to do it..A simple phone call, yes, but it would have been so nice for her just to take it off my plate you know? She’s just very wrapped up in her own life..I dont think its malicious either, but again, her wedding is 10 months away and she has literally planned EVERYTHING. Like there is nothing left at all to plan. Food, cake, photography, officiant, music, flowers, etc. She had me, her Fi, Future Mother-In-Law, grandma and her mom out at the venue for two hours about two weeks ago trying to figure out Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsmen placement around the alter. She’s gone wedding crazy lol. It’s just hard to stomach with my wedding being so close, and yes, I could really, really use help or just someone to vent to/check in with about MY plans too.
But, yes I do plan to rock it that day for sure 🙂
Post # 7
Just like you she is excited to plan her wedding. This has nothing to do with stealing anyones thunder (unless she shows up in her wedding dress at your wedding) or jealousy (why would she be jealous? she is getting married too).
What is she like as a friend in a normal situation? Does she change the topic to her and her life? If so then why did you expect anything different? People’s personalities do not change just because you are getting married.
If she isn’t normally like this then I think it is just a case of she is excited to plan her weding becuase it is new and she probably thinks you would be a good person to run things by because you have just spent months planning your wedding.
The thing you need to remember is that your expectations are not anyone elses. Your priorities and not anyone elses priorities. The sooner you accept that the less disappointed you will be in other people and their actions.