(Closed) At the risk of sounding like an anti-semitic idiot…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Many Jewish people consider it extremely important to only marry another Jew. Older people especially, or those who had family who survived the Holocaust feel it is very important to keep the lineage of faith and family alive.

Post # 4
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Yes, it’s a big deal. In Judaism, religion is considered to be “passed down” from the mother’s line: if a Jewish son marries a non-Jewish woman, unless she converts, their children will not be considered Jewish by most branches of Judaism (unless the children convert, as well… and conversion to Judaism is more than a declaration; there is a whole process). There is also a fear of assimilation and watering down of the religion and the culture, which happens generally when people of different religions marry (although sometimes it might not). It’s particularly strong in Judaism; there is a big fear among some that the religion will die out if people don’t practice/marry others who practice. I don’t think that’s the same thing that happens when Presbyterians marry Catholics, for example.

I do think it’s different with religion than with race. And not all Jews feel this way. In my mom’s generation, neither she nor any of her siblings married Jews. And Mr. Spaniel isn’t Jewish. None of it was a problem in my family. BUT. We don’t plan to raise our children exclusively Jewish. If that were important to my parents, this would have been very difficult for them, and I’m sure they would have tried harder to get me to marry a Jewish man.

Post # 5
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

This particular woman…no, GIRL, (’cause she acted like a toddler), was a trantrumish, snotty, spoiled witch with a capital B… 

Post # 6
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Many years ago, I was engaged to a Levite Jew and it was a serious deal with his family that I was not Jewish.  The Levites are special in the Jewish religion and the fact that I would not convert eventually was too much for our relationship.  In my experience it matters to some like it would with any other religion or race.  Alot of Catholic families only want their children to marry catholics.

Post # 7
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@Miss Apricot: Yeah I remember that episode. That woman and her daughter were complete bitches. To the point that a Jewish woman from the audience came up and said what a disgrace they were and they didn’t represent all Jewish women. 

I believe they also attacked women of Asian heritage as man-stealers and other less nice things. 

Post # 9
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Spaniel and KatyElle described it perfectly.

Many rabbis (but not all) will not perform the marriage ceremony. Very traditional, very orthodox people would observe mourning rituals for someone who marries outside the faith.

Post # 10
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s different for different families, just like in any culture–there are different degrees of observance and there is a range of values and priorities. With any group of people, it’s hard to generalize.

For my family, though, it was definitely stressed to us from a young age. I know for several of my Jewish friends as well, many of them value it for different reasons; partly cultural and partly religious. I think it’s an entirely different issue than interracial marriage–the practice isn’t discrimination, it’s more of an emphasis on passing down the religion to future generations.

And not to nit-pick, but most people don’t consider Jews to be a race…more of an ethnic group. Most people would call something against Jews anti-Semitic, not racist.

Post # 11
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

To some it is a big deal, to others it isn’t as big a deal.  Personally, I think it often depends on what movement a Jew belongs to.  I’m a Reform Jew, which is the most modern and liberal (liberal in terms of adherence to Jewish beliefs).  I am engaged to a Protestant.  When we started dating, my parents were not thrilled per se, but now they love him and can’t imagine me with anyone else.  We have discussed how we will raise our children and will be celebrating both Jewish and Christian holidays.  I guess it really depends on the individual couple and how strong their beliefs are.  We respect each others’ religions and aren’t converting, but other more strict worshippers (either Jewish or not Jewish) might not feel comfortable with that.  Not to generalize, but you probably won’t find an Orthodox Jew marrying a non-Jew.  

Post # 12
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@hisgoosiegirl: Yep!  She’s been on the show two or three times, and every time I just want to slap her!  

@MrsFuzzyFace: Yeah, I love Dr. Phil, (I’ve been watching regularly since his days on Oprah; I almost never watched Oprah except on Dr. Phil days!).  I’ve seen most of the episodes.  lol

Post # 14
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yeah, many cultures do this. I dated an Indian man briefly, it was never going to work out, his family wouldn’t hear of him marrying someone who wasn’t also Indian. My grandmother would have liked to see me marry a Catholic man (I married an Atheist!), I know Haitians that will only consider marrying other Haitians. It depends on the individual family of course, but it’s definitely not Jewish-exclusive.

Post # 15
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsFuzzyFace: I think this is kind of a complicated issue, because there are different aspects to being Jewish: the cultural and the religious. People can definitely convert and be considered Jewish (or at least recognized by most sects–like some PPs said, different branches of Judaism have different rules).

I have several friends who married someone who converted to Judaism, and their families were pleased with that. I think that it’s more about passing down Judaism to future generations than the actual ancestral heritage.

Post # 16
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s a religion issue mostly, I think.  I know Reform and Conservative rabbis will marry someone who has converted.  I honestly don’t know about other movements (I guess I’m a bad Jew haha).  I would think they would accept someone who has wholeheartedly embraced the Jewish religion but I don’t know for sure.  All people who have to convert have to enter the mikvah (Jewish ritual bath) to be “reborn” a Jew.  It’s the discussion of the mikvah that makes me also think it is part “blood” – my mom was raised Jewish, but her mother had converted from Catholicism.  When my mom married my dad, she had to go to the mikvah because her mother wasn’t from Jewish blood, although she was Jewish by marriage.  Crazy stuff!

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