@alishaloo: I grew up LDS, too. I come from a long line of Mormons, all the way back to Nauvoo. That had some pressure itself as well.
I look back and don’t see a point in time even in my childhood that I really believed in it. I put up with it. I knew I didn’t believe in LDS teachings by 13. After going to the temple and doing baptisms by proxy, I didn’t feel anything. No holy ghost, nada. I felt dirty for the baptisms by proxy, I felt bad about it. That’s when it hit me that I didn’t believe in the church. I faked it until I was 16, but when I was 14 we moved to Utah and our chapel was right across the street from our house so I would go to sacrament meeting, leave at the end of that in the middle of the commotion before Sunday School/Primary and go home.
When I went inactive, it was uneventful telling my parents. I told my dad when he came in to wake me up because I was running late for church that I wasn’t going anymore, I couldn’t. He told me okay, came and gave me a kiss on my forehead, told me I can always come back to church if I decide to and that was it. I’m almost 27 and I haven’t been back.
I had my name removed from church membership records (which took two attempts, first time I was ignored so I had to threaten legal action and going to the media to get them to do it, that’s not uncommon to have to do though) last September and they tried to give me the runaround, I just let them do their thing, and I finally got my letter stating my name had been removed from membership records, my baptismal covenant was cancelled, my sealing to my parents was void, and my membership ID number was no longer valid. And a little mesage about how I can still go through a long repentance process and be rebaptized if I decide. LOL.
I wouldn’t use the word “sin” personally, but I do think it’s irresponsible and in a way immoral to not examine your beliefs no matter what they are, from time to time. I know how very taboo it is to question ANYTHING in Mormonism. I know any good, non-questioning member or the church itself would call this blog anti-Mormon propaganda, but it’s actually a blog run by women who are active LDS women that are taking issue with the cultural problems with the church and women and how women are viewed, the programs for women aren’t given as large of budgets and a priesthood leader has to oversee the leader of the program (RS leader, YW leader, etc.), things like that. It also touches on some other things. It might help you out and if you decide to stay in the LDS church, maybe not feel so alone with your personal beliefs. 🙂 It’s feministmormonhousewives.org
Don’t let members shame you or feel like it’s your fault for having questions. Questioning is good, if we as humans didn’t question anything, we wouldn’t be where we are today with technology, science, medicine, etc. and not to mention, if Joseph Smith hadn’t questioned what religion to join, the LDS church would not exist for you to question. Following without questioning is honestly something I find to be sad and a huge problem with our society right now.
And the age I found religion was never. ;P I found a realization that there is no god, we’re here now and responsible now for what we do and what we don’t do to help others who need us between 13 and 16 years old, it was something that developed. I identify as a secular humanist.
Now I’m going to wait for some fallout for my comment, lol.