(Closed) At what point are you required to "run something by" your SO

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The reason I read this post was because of the word “required”. It’s just a matter of respect to inform the other about one’s plans, and this would b the only reason notification would be “required”. You don’t need to ask permission for anything.

In a similar situation I’d make the plans but with the caveat to my friend, “Let me check with <so> in case he’s got anything going on before we firm this up.”  I’d expect and get the same.

If your SO felt he had the right to approve or veto your plans, then you’d have a control freak problem.

Post # 19
7200 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@FutureMrsT1221:  If I’m going to be gone for more than a few hours, I would definitely “run it by” my Fiance. Not ask permission… but let him know before plans are solid in case there’s something I’m forgetting or something he was considering but hadn’t solidified yet. But for me, that started within a couple months of dating.

Post # 22
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No, we don’t run things past each other. No permission needed. 

Post # 23
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@FutureMrsT1221:  I think there’s a big difference between “asking for permission” and “running it by” your Darling Husband. I wouldn’t think of it as a control thing. It’s more about checking plans and considering someone else’s feelings.  

I don’t talk to Darling Husband about little things like having dinner with a friend. But if I’m going to be gone overnight or spending a lot of money I will “run it by” him. 

Post # 25
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@FutureMrsT1221:  I don’t run things by him, I tell him about it.

Im not going to wait for him to say yes, especially because my friends and I, especially my best friend and I, will make decisions in the one conversation. Im not gunna say “Oh I’ll just have to call you back after I ask Fiance.” Especially because we would both have to wait for our respective men to agree that we could go.


After reading some comments I must admit I am the planner in the relationship. Fiance almost never makes plans, because everyone knows Im the one who not only has the diary and knows our plans, but Fiance never remembers anything if we DO have plans haha.

Post # 27
1211 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t run things by my SO either, I tell him about it. I go “hey hun my bff and I are going away for a girls weekend”. And he goes “hey boo, the guys and I are going to “some random city for a concert this weekend”. But that’s it. 

Post # 28
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@FutureMrsT1221:  Haha well that changes the dynamic a LOT. I do get a little annoyed when Fiance springs plans on me, but only if we had plans or its been planned for a while and he tells me the weekend before!

I think if you make tentative plans and run them by him before fully committing, he should be pretty happy. But if not, you need to chat with him because if he really does want to give permission, that’s stepping bounds to me. Keep your lines clean and you should be fine!

Post # 29
1197 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t run anything by Fiance unless it involves him directly (either someone coming over to our house or Fiance being invited to go somewhere).  I usually just tell him what I’m doing, and he can let me know if there is an issue.  I do feel like I’m asking for permission if I were to ask as opposed to tell. 

Post # 30
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

@FutureMrsT1221:  I would gave checked with him first, what if he had a romantic trip planned for then? 

Post # 31
2665 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@FutureMrsT1221:   Regardless of if it is spending a night somewhere or going to lunch with a friend (even if the other person isn’t home at that time because of work etc), we run just about everything by each other. We don’t ask usually unless it involves a night away or something….or we just say something along the lines of “I’m going to go (insert place here)…do you mind?” When we didn’t live together we didn’t, but when we moved in together last fall we started…it was hard to get used to for him but he’s used to it. Sometimes he forgets and then I go all nuts inside my head thinking “Is he in a ditch somewhere?” etc……for your info I’m a nurse, so I go to the worst lol. I just throw a text out there and wait for a response though – I don’t go all nuts and call 14 times lol.


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