(Closed) At what point did you consider yourself part of a new “family”?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: When did you consider yourself and your spouse/partner to be a new "family"?
    Before we were married : (63 votes)
    55 %
    When we got married : (34 votes)
    30 %
    When we had our first child : (11 votes)
    10 %
    Other : (6 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2157 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I can see how it would feel like you aren’t a family until your first kid, but in reality, that kid is just your first addition to the family you already had.  It makes the family more “permanent” in a sense, but yes I think you’re a family once the two are married.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5766 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think the addition of a child makes you a ‘family’, while just getting married/engaged makes you a ‘couple’.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1361 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I definitely consider us a family, but we have a dog, so maybe that’s why?  I feel like we became a family when we got her (before we were married), maybe because someone relies on us now?  We have responsibilities to her and she needs us.  But maybe I’m just silly. 

    I definitely don’t think you need kids to be a family.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Thank you for this. As a childfree couple, I hate the fact that some people won’t see us as a “family” without kids.

    I say we are a childfree “couple” right now because we’re not married yet. I feel like Fiance is my family already, but I think that becomes official the day we say “I do”.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think once you are married you are officially a family, but I considered us one when we were committed to one another (which happened before the wedding date.) 

    Post # 10
    Member
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @tinylittlebird:  Exactly.  My husband helped me to see that we (DH, our dog, and I) are a family.  A new family now, on our own.  It helped me in “worrying” about what my parents wanted etc., and helped me realize that we ARE a family now and we have to lookout for our own family and do what is best for us.

    Post # 11
    Member
    10851 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’m split 50/50. In one sense, I considered us a family before we got married because of my stepson. In another sense, I considered us a family once we got married and started making decisions based on the family we had pre-wedding, and planning for future children. It’s a bit confusing, I know. Imagine trying to sort that out in your own head 😉

    Post # 12
    Member
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I consider my husband and I a family. Children are just new additions! I think it would be offensive for someone to say that we weren’t a family unit and are less “important” b/c we don’t have children.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I don’t have children and I think it’s perfectly valid for a person with children to say that they shouldn’t die because they have dependents. If I die, many people will be sad, but nobody will go without essential care. Children depend on their parents in a unique way and there’s nothing wrong with recognising that. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We call ourselves a family now, but I’m not sure we would if we didn’t have dogs.  Yeah I know that sounds a little crazy. Also that article sounds interesting, do you have a link by chance?

    Post # 16
    Member
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @tinylittlebird: I agree.  Especially considering it is likely that Fiance and I will never have kids, so it’s hurtful to think that we will never be a “family” according to some people’s standards.

    The topic ‘At what point did you consider yourself part of a new “family”?’ is closed to new replies.

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