Post # 17
See, but that’s just you- you personally don’t feel that anybody else is depending on you in the way that a child does, and that’s fine… but that shouldn’t mean people with kids should assume that everyone without kids has nobody depending on them.
Take my husband, as an example. Until I find a job (which I’m working on), he does support me…. and we picked our apartment based on his salary (which is higher than mine will ever be), so even if I got a job, there’s no way I could stay here if he died. My whole life would be uprooted. Not saying I wouldn’t make it, but it would be a mess.
And what about people who have other people who depend on them- people who are caretakers for elderly parents or disabled family members? If they don’t have kids, that doesn’t mean they don’t have people who don’t depend on them.
Post # 18
What’s harder though is that other
people don’t consider us to be “family” because my stepson isn’t with us full time. My parents have been amazing
and treat my stepson like another one of their grandchildren, but my sister and Brother-In-Law I don’t think qualify it the same.
To me, family is where your heart is. Whether that includes children, pets, a house, or just yourself, whatever, it’s what makes you happy.
Post # 19
Yikes… that is hard.
Personally, I came from a blended family where there were 5 kids, and only myself and my little sister (the two youngest) had the same 2 parents. My oldest sister was from my dad’s first marriage, and my brother and other older sister both have different dads.
But by the time I was born, everyone lived under one roof, so I was never told “These are your half siblings”…. they were my sisters and my brother.
And all my siblings have children, and they’re all blended as well- none of them have the exact same two parents (DH and I are a total anomaly in my family!)
So for my siblings and I… it’s not a big deal. You’re a family whenever you become one- either when you get married, or when you have your first child. Whichever comes first.
Post # 20
I was simply answering the question based on the information provided. There’s a million different definitions of ‘family’ and they’re categorized in many ways. Couple families ,blended families, nuclear families, intact family, step family, one parent families…there’s many ways to define a family.
We, as a couple, have never been just ‘us’. He has a son and I have a daughter, so when we got married, then I considered us a family. There were already kids involved, but if there weren’t, I still don’t think I’d have considered us a family until we had them. That’s just me,tho.
I would hate for somebody to be hurt or insulted by how many others would define the term. It only matters how YOU define it.
Post # 21
By time we’re married we’ll have lived together for about four years. while our accounts just became joint (i should be ashamed to admit how giddy i got to see ms will and mr kell on the checks) all of our decisions quickly had to be made together for our collective well-being. I think I’ve considered us a family since then, since we started working together to better each other and our home
Post # 22
I definitely think of us as a family already–we’ve been through so much already: finding our house, moving in together, the death of my Gram and countless other things… especially since we got Charlie, our dog, how could we NOT be considered a little family?
Post # 23
I think it’s really interesting how many people have answered that they considered themselves “family” before the wedding.
To those of you who answered “Before we got married”, do you think that everyone else percieved you as a family, or was that just how you felt personally?
Post # 24
I considered DH and myself as a family when we got engaged. I think our parents thought of us as a family, but our friends and people we met for the first time probably wouldn’t have considered us family.
I say I felt like that because we were making decisions about our future as a couple…including a cross country move that would take us both away from our family and friends. We also got a dog together a few weeks after the engagement. So, while we were long distance, we were still functioning as a family as far as decision making goes.
Post # 25
We aren’t even engaged yet and we consider ourselves a ‘family’. We’ve lived together for a year and a half now and have a cat together (: I don’t think that other people will consider us a family until we’re married/have a baby though.
Post # 26
I feel like a family but he says he won’t until we have the baby. I definitely think having a pet together makes it more family-like, and we have 8. I understand that we are a married couple to the outside world, but that makes him my next of kin. So we’re family.
Post # 27
We just had a talk about this. I said we were a family when we got married. He said we weren’t a family until we had our baby.
Eventually he did agree with me, but he said he just feels more like a family with the baby here now.
Post # 28
When we had our daughter we felt like a new family. When we got married we were a couple. Our child added the family dynamic for us.
Post # 29
I answered before we were married, and I think it reflects how most people close to us see us too. It’s understood that we will be at each other’s family functions, etc. Even my mom who loves nothing more in life than having her family in for Xmas understands that Fiance and I like to have our time with just us to do Xmas too. We have also lived together 2.5 years so that makes a big difference too. I wouldn’t have said that before we lived together.
Post # 30
Yes! I was just reading a blog post the other day where a pregnant wife was saying she was so excited to finally “become a family” when they have their first child, and I just kept thinking – weren’t you a family already?!?!
I definitely consider DH and I to be a family, and we often talk about doing what’s best for “our family.” I think I’ve felt that way since before we got married… probably the engagement was when I started thinking of us as a little two-person family!
Post # 31
Yeah, we had lived together for 3 years in May, but I still thought of us more as a family than a couple once we got married.
The holidays are a good point- for us, we still have never spent “Christmas morning” together. We would usually celebrate it on the 23rd (that would be our day in our apartment) then on the 24th we would head out of town.
We would spend the evening of the 24th with his mom, then I would go to my parents house and we would spend the morning of the 25th with our individual parents.
Then he would come over to my parents house around noon or 1pm, have dinner w/ my family, and then we would head over to his dad’s house.
We would spend the night there on the 25th, then we would spend the 26th with his dad’s family.
SO! We spent the holidays “together” but not really. We really have no idea what we’re doing this year… we still live an hour away from all our parents, so it complicates things.