I’m recently engaged, but I felt a lot like you did. I honestly thought it wouldn’t happen.
We met in October 2014. He told me he loved me on Winter Solstice that year (December 21st 2014). October 2017 marks our 3 years of being together. This is the longest and most mature and stable relationship I’ve ever been in. (I’m 34 and he’s 33). In the past, my longest relationship was barely 1 year before something happened. He helped me go back to school and get a degree. He’s allowed me to really be me. Everything between us just clicked and I realized that neither one of us were going to go anywhere.
We talked about the possibility of a future together in the latter part of the 1st year. Around the early part of the 2nd year, we started talking about it more. It was frustrating because I would constantly be asked by friends and coworkers “when are you getting married?” “has he popped the question yet?” etc. He’s passive. I would bring up the idea of going to look at rings so he would have an idea of what I liked or talk about the next step. We never went to look at rings and the times I brought up about moving to the next step, it seemed like he would come up with “excuses” such as wanting to go to pre-marital counseling or something else. I looked up local places for pre-marital counseling and gave them to him… nothing ever happened. He wanted to make sure that if we were to get married, that we would be married as long as his parents. Divorce doesn’t run in his family.
We went to Ireland in June. Perfect opportunity and place to propose. I bawled like a baby… and it was an ugly messy cry on the night before we were to return stateside. One reason being that I didn’t want to leave (I had always wanted to go to Ireland because I traced my ancestry all the way back to one of the founding Clanns of Tara) and that it just felt right, it felt like home to me. It was already an emotional trip for me (in a good way). I cried when we got there, I teared up as we traveled and I cried as I stepped foot on the Hill of Tara…home. The other reason being that he didn’t propose. I was so sure that it was going to happen.
I cried when we got back every time someone asked me if he popped the question while we were there or asked “what happend” expecting us to come back, engaged, it put me into a funk every…single…time. The last time we talked about it (after we returned from our trip in July), the only thing he said was that he was waiting for the right time. Me already being in a funk from it all, I thought “oh great. When? Never??” (no, I didn’t say that out loud to him).
After that, I felt that he wasn’t committted and that it would never happen. I contemplated on giving him until the end of the year for it to happen and if not, I was going to leave.
Then on August 21st, during the full totality of the solar eclipse, he proposed to me. It was an emotional moment as it was, as I already had tears streaming down my face at the sheer beauty of the eclipse. I didn’t understand him the first time he asked. The 3rd time he asked, he asked and stated that “he was really sure,” he “was really sure this time.” He had to ask 3 times before it clicked, and I said yes through happy tears.
We went the next day, on the way home and picked out a custom ring. It still doesn’t feel real, but I’m happy that we’ve progressed to this next step.
Being on the same page is very important. Without being on the same page one of you can send mixed signals and can be interpreted in a different way than you intended. Waiting sucks, believe me. But if he is truly worth it, then it will make everything better in the end. As for discussing rings, I would suggest throwing the idea out there to go look at rings so he has an idea of what you like and what ring size you wear. That would nudge him a bit. We don’t know what goes through our SO’s minds or what they’ve got planned. Take my situation for example. Granted, I really wished it would have happened in Ireland because it’s just absolutely BEAUTIFUL there, I feel the eclipse was a special enough moment and the “right time” considering it’s possibly the last time that we’ll see it in our area in full totality the way we did on that day. It will happen again in the US, but we’d have to travel a couple of states away to see it.
As frustrating as it may be, just breathe.