(Closed) At what point did you consider yourself waiting

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

If you’re expecting it and have discussed time lines then I believe you’re waiting so I get that he doesn’t want to discuss his plans but you still are expectant that it is therefore you are waiting.

Post # 3
Member
976 posts
Busy bee

I’m a little different but I decided I was a “waiting bee” when my SO told me he was saving specifically for the ring I always wanted and he told me I could expect it in a certain timeframe. It’s still somewhat of a surprise, but not a super surprise. :p

Post # 4
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I was a waiting Bee the minute I moved back to my home state and got back together with my then “ex”, now fiancé. I had time to reflect and explore other opportunities for the 3 years we were broken up and out of state, and it always came back to him.  Every date, every guy, every thought about the future always ended in a compare against what we had.  Getting back together cemented MY intention to remain with him indefinitely, so at that point I gave him the opportunity to decide when it was right for him.  He wanted to move in together first, get through the inevitable arguments, and save for a nice ring I never demanded.  That tradition did not irk my feminist sensibilities, so I gave in to that flexibility and it worked out beautifully. 

Post # 5
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I considered myself waiting when he asked for ring ideas to help him “friend” and started grinning like a mad man whenever he saw me looking for them. We have been friends for a while, so our timeline and future talks happened before we started dating and have evolved slowly onto what they are.

Considering you have a timeline down, you are waiting!

Post # 6
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I have the same number of years as you and your bf (It’ll be 4 years for us in July 2018), and I felt I was waiting as soon as I sent him the type of rings I liked. Our relationship moved fast, we lived together after 6 months and talked marriage and kids early on, so it was natural for me to wait for a proposal after a year, year and a half. After a conversation we had just two days ago, we have a timeline for it to happen within a year, and I believe him. The thing that stood in his way from proposing earlier was finances and communication of goals, but we’re on track now. 

 

I would consider you to be waiting, and how exciting! Having a timeline helps, and I think it’ll come sooner than you think, at least I hope for me too! Good luck, bee!!

Post # 7
Member
26 posts
Newbee

I’m recently engaged, but I felt a lot like you did. I honestly thought it wouldn’t happen.

We met in October 2014.  He told me he loved me on Winter Solstice that year (December 21st 2014).  October 2017 marks our 3 years of being together.  This is the longest and most mature and stable relationship I’ve ever been in.  (I’m 34 and he’s 33).  In the past, my longest relationship was barely 1 year before something happened.  He helped me go back to school and get a degree.  He’s allowed me to really be me.  Everything between us just clicked and I realized that neither one of us were going to go anywhere.

We talked about the possibility of a future together in the latter part of the 1st year.  Around the early part of the 2nd year, we started talking about it more.  It was frustrating because I would constantly be asked by friends and coworkers “when are you getting married?”  “has he popped the question yet?” etc.  He’s passive.  I would bring up the idea of going to look at rings so he would have an idea of what I liked or talk about the next step.  We never went to look at rings and the times I brought up about moving to the next step, it seemed like he would come up with “excuses” such as wanting to go to pre-marital counseling or something else.  I looked up local places for pre-marital counseling and gave them to him… nothing ever happened.  He wanted to make sure that if we were to get married, that we would be married as long as his parents.  Divorce doesn’t run in his family.

We went to Ireland in June.  Perfect opportunity and place to propose.  I bawled like a baby… and it was an ugly messy cry on the night before we were to return stateside.  One reason being that I didn’t want to leave (I had always wanted to go to Ireland because I traced my ancestry all the way back to one of the founding Clanns of Tara) and that it just felt right, it felt like home to me.  It was already an emotional trip for me (in a good way).  I cried when we got there, I teared up as we traveled and I cried as I stepped foot on the Hill of Tara…home.  The other reason being that he didn’t propose.   I was so sure that it was going to happen.

I cried when we got back every time someone asked me if he popped the question while we were there or asked “what happend” expecting us to come back, engaged, it put me into a funk every…single…time.  The last time we talked about it (after we returned from our trip in July), the only thing he said was that he was waiting for the right time.  Me already being in a funk from it all, I thought “oh great.  When? Never??” (no, I didn’t say that out loud to him).

After that, I felt that he wasn’t committted and that it would never happen.  I contemplated on giving him until the end of the year for it to happen and if not, I was going to leave.

Then on August 21st, during the full totality of the solar eclipse, he proposed to me.  It was an emotional moment as it was, as I already had tears streaming down my face at the sheer beauty of the eclipse.  I didn’t understand him the first time he asked.  The 3rd time he asked, he asked and stated that “he was really sure,” he “was really sure this time.”  He had to ask 3 times before it clicked, and I said yes through happy tears.

We went the next day, on the way home and picked out a custom ring.  It still doesn’t feel real, but I’m happy that we’ve progressed to this next step.

Being on the same page is very important.  Without being on the same page one of you can send mixed signals and can be interpreted in a different way than you intended.  Waiting sucks, believe me.  But if he is truly worth it, then it will make everything better in the end.  As for discussing rings, I would suggest throwing the idea out there to go look at rings so he has an idea of what you like and what ring size you wear.  That would nudge him a bit.  We don’t know what goes through our SO’s minds or what they’ve got planned.  Take my situation for example.  Granted, I really wished it would have happened in Ireland because it’s just absolutely BEAUTIFUL there, I feel the eclipse was a special enough moment and the “right time” considering it’s possibly the last time that we’ll see it in our area in full totality the way we did on that day.  It will happen again in the US, but we’d have to travel a couple of states away to see it.

As frustrating as it may be, just breathe.

Post # 8
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

As soon as we had the talk that that was the plan and what our expected time frame was. 

But I’m old fashioned as hell. Not that we have had it- its ALL ON him.

Post # 9
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I’m with my OH 4 years next month and I’ve considered myself “waiting” since the start of this year. We had the talk and decided we’d be engaged by the end of 2017.

However we’ve now both agreed to extend that until 2018 or possibly 2019 for various reasons so my new goal is to get to #1 on the waiting list laughing

Post # 10
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m recently engaged (this past weekend) and this was a topic I was asked about pretty often. We’ve been together for almost 10 years, and lived together for 5. But have I been waiting for that long? Absolutely not. 

I think Waiting starts when the discussions change your day to day behavior. You’re looking at rings and thinking about potential proposal dates. Plans are starting to form in your head. I’d consider that Waiting – just not the anxious, nerve-wracking, omgwhenwillithappen stage of waiting, haha. Enjoy it!

Post # 11
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I condsidered myself “waiting” after I hard the hard talk about this is my timeline and if you cant work with that then we need to reconsider this relationship. Waiting is not that hard, maybe more stressful because you decided that this is IT. This is the person, who, after 3 years of living together though still wont pick up his shoes from the living room floor and put them on the damn shoe rack (im not bitter though lol).

Post # 12
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee

I think you’re waiting if you consider yourself waiting! Personally FI and I got engaged after being together for a little over a year. We had agreed that we wanted to date for at least a year before getting engaged, and he proposed very soon after that self imposed minimum, so we kinda skipped the expectant will-he-or-won’t-he stage. We’d had plenty of timeline talks and discussions about our future by that point, though. 

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